The Delicate Subject of Wills When You Really Hate Your Stepkid
My wife and I are going to write our joint will. In a previous will we had together, I had left all I had to her and her two adult sons (my stepsons). (We've been together 25 years). Since then, my relationship with one of those sons (which was never good) has deteriorated to the point that I desire to leave him nothing. However, I know that this would hurt my wife horribly, and probably have a bad effect on our marriage (we've already had some serious problems around this one seriously obnoxious kid).
My question is: is it possible to just act to please my wife now, but change the will after she has died (if she dies before me) so that any portion of my assets can be redirected away from this detested stepkid?
Thanks for any help you can provide.
EarlJ
I would not leave them
I would not leave them anything. Will it to your wife. The sad part, she will most likely share your asset with them. If she does not spend it all before she dies,assuming you will pass away first, they will still get their dirty hands on it.
I totally understand. I do not want to really leave my DH's anything...as I know he will most likely give some of my funds to them. About 80% of our retirement and assets are mine before we married. I am ok with YSS, so so with SD...but OSS...He is 35 years old...but has balls to ask for money for a wedding rehearal dinner. Yet, he and his woman have been living together 5 years. And...he forgot about the $3500 he owes his dad. I would not piss on him, if he was on fire.
I have 4 stepchildren and 4
I have 4 stepchildren and 4 biological children. I really do not want to leave my step children anything because they have done nothing but take and my husband has shown favortism. However, I feel that they are his kids either way and if he dies and had money, I would split it evenly despite my negative relationship with step kids. It is neither their fault or mine that we are step mother and children. They still belong to my spouse and I will handle his money if he ever gets money evenly between them because it is the right thing to do. I expect him to do the same. We married eachother and that does not change that we both had children and have obligations to be parents to those children. I will not allow his kids to ruin my marriage though they have tried and are quite suprised that I am still around and I also will not be destructive to their right to their dad. He is their dad and they have a right to him as I do my father. Likewise my children and I have a right to a relationship as well and my husband nor his children have a right to change that. I am my childrens mother regardless of wether my stepchildren want to be close to me or not. My children do want to be close to me and I will fight for my right to be close to them. I will also in turn respect my husbands right to be the father he wants to be to his children and mine as I taught them to love him and appreciate the good that he has done.
Why have an ignore list if
Why have an ignore list if you continue to respond to the people on said list???LOL
Better check out your deed if
Better check out your deed if both of you are on it. If so.. see if is right of survivorship,which means wouldn't matter what you put in the will. After a death it will automatically go to the surviving spouse, and you cannot dictate what they do with it. fyi.
"he's just on the deed". That means ownership.
Since my DW and I have
Since my DW and I have accrued our assets since we married we do not have much of an option for separate Wills. Our joint Will leaves everything to the surviving spouse regardless of who predeceases the other. In the event of our joint demise there are a few personal items that go to different people but the estate and insurance pay outs go in to trust for SS-21. He is our only child and his mom and I married a week before he turned 2yo so I am his dad.
To protect the assets from any manipulation by the Sperm Clan it all goes in trust until SS either graduates with a Bachelor's degree from a regionally accredited college or university or turns 40 whichever is first. We are considering changing this to require SS to graduate with his Bachelor's by age 40 or the trust goes to our neices and nephews with the same stipulations. He is not the most educationally oriented young man .... yet. He is extremely intelligent and capable but lacks the self discipline to do well in college at this point in his life.
Kind of our way of parenting from beyond the grave should it be necessary.
If my DW had passed before SS turned 18 we agreed that I would not pay any form of support to the SpermClan and would pay for college for SS once he aged out from under the CO. In the event of our joint demise our instructions to our executors was to pay nothing to the SpermClan while SS was a minor and to expend nothing could in any way benefit the Sperm Clan. The only authorized expenditures from the Trust until SS starts college would be for visitation travel for SS to visit my family and DW's family.
What we set up might not necessarily be completely effective but our goal was to provide opportunity for SS to accomplish a viable adulthood while preventing the SpermClan from benefiting in any way from our estate and hard work.
SS has now provided for his own college education through his enlistment in the USAF so if we "go" he will be completely on his own until he does graduate or turn 40.
Kind of evil I know. }:)
I owned my house long before
I owned my house long before my wife and I got married. I have no BKs. Up until a little over a year ago I treated her BD and BS as my kids. Their BD is $103,000 in the rears on child support and she has never worked full time which has been the subject of many arguments.
She has NEVER made a house payment, repair payment, maintenance payment or utilities payment. We have maintained separate accounts and one account with both names on it that she has NEVER deposited any money in.
SD is 23 married and we do not speak as of a year ago. SS is 20 and I have little to say to each other as a result of me being disrespected and finally stopping all contributions to his well being. Over the years I have bought SD a whole household of new furniture that she took with her when she moved. When she graduated high school I bought her a brand new car. I bought SS a new car when he got his license and have bought him a new bedroom suit and living room suit. I figure I have done my job and a whole lot beyond it. I'm tired of being treated like crap from them.
I have a nephew and two nieces about the same age as SKs. I intend on leaving all my savings, my vehicles (two nice classic custom cars) and my house (not huge but big) to the three of them. My way of thinking is I want to give my BLOOD relatives everything I have. To make a point though I think I am going to leave the SKs ONE dollar each and a FRAMED picture of my naked ass. LOL!
Is that plausible?
That works for me. If my
That works for me. }:)
If my DW and I were to split the blanket my estate would still primarily and likely go to my SS. His mom and I met when he was 15mos old and married a week before he turned 2. I have been his dad since he was a baby. If something causes a major falling out with SS then my estate will go to my younger brother or his children.
Since it appears that my DW and I are in it for life (most likely the rest of mine though she will likely have a do over marriage when I am gone) she is the sole heir to my assets in our Will as I am for hers. If we both go together then it goes to our son. (My SS)
First of all wills have no
First of all wills have no effect on property that is jointly owned with right of survivorship. Meaning if you own a house together if one of you dies, it goes to the surviving spouse to do with what they want. It's a good idea because who knows how long they live, and if there is equity they may need it.
Bank accounts can be titled the same way, cars, etc. My suggestion is to make sure everything is titled that way, and both you leave a small amount to your own children, or take a small life insurance policy. Or as you get older some personal item passed down..
Otherwise, grown children need to have their own retirement accounts etc. You both will probably need everything, for lifes surprises. Medical bills, long term care...who knows what.
Something to keep in mind:
Something to keep in mind: default beneficiaries vary from state to state. In AZ, for example, everything defaults to the spouse unless the spouse signs off saying that he/she can be bypassed. You should look into this before making a decision.
I have a similar situation.
I have a similar situation. I have to leave money to DW to pay for the house. I owe her that much. Unfortunately I know the lazy, useless older SS will share in that. SS is not the problem obviously, it's DW who doesn't stand up to him. But I really don't want him getting anything from me.