You are here

Can we keep her away?

Frustrated2's picture

I have been a SM for 4 yrs now. I’m very lucky because I have been with my husband since my SK’s were 5 months old and 22 months old. I’ve never had to deal with the SK’s not accepting me. They have always thought of me as a parent and I love them like they were my own. I know some people say you can’t love a step child like you do your own, but for me it is just the opposite. I could not love anyone more than I love those children. I’ve always kept in mind that it must be hard for BM to know that her kids love me as much as they do. I have always tried to reassure her that I’m not trying to be the mom and I would never try and take her place. When the kids are at our house my DH and I play equal roles in parenting. It’s different for us because I’ve had these kids since they were so little. I discipline, cook, clean, help with homework, and take them anywhere they need to go (school, tball, dance ect.) The first couple of years were hell. BM hated me and tried everything to let me know. BM tried to keep me away from SD’s school at first but the school told her they wouldn’t do that. So things started going ok and I started volunteering at SD’s school (with BM permission). Things have been going very well the last 6 months. We were all getting along, sitting by each other at kids events, and even riding together a couple time. My DH and I know better but the kids were responding to it so well we thought we’d try. We can tell when she is starting to spin and something bad is going to happen…..and it did. She started being bithchy and wouldn’t sit by us at events. It doesn’t necessarily mean we did anything wrong. She can be mean if her personal life isn’t going right at the time. BM is ALWAYS around. We feel that she interferes with our time with the kids, but don’t want to say anything in fear of pissing her off. BM is at my SD’s school almost every morning we bring her to school and she’s there every day when we pick her up. She says she has stuff to do at the school. BM is at every event (which is perfectly ok) but she takes over and tries to exclude my DH and I even thought it is our day. She knows we won’t say anything in public. When we are arguing it is very uncomfortable for my DH and I to have to see her EVERY day. The other day at my SD’s practice BM and I got into a heated conversation. We had never had a heated conversation before. We always communicated pretty good when she wasn’t hating me, but this conversation was a little different. It ended with her in my face pushing me with her body and saying “F*** You.” I stepped back and told her not to do this while the kids were around. I am very well trained in defense and probably could have wiped the floor with her but I would NEVER EVER do anything like while my SK’s were around. She even called the cops to tell them that she accidently bumped into me after a heated conversation and just wanted to cover her ass incase I called to report a crime. Ya right. I would never call the cops about something like that even though I could have. Anyways after this long story, does anyone know if we can have some sort of court order to keep her away on our days and we will stay away on hers?? My DH and I don’t want to miss out on anything but when she is like this she totally interferes with our time and makes us very uncomfortable….Sorry its so long but any advice?

melis070179's picture

Yes, a judge can order that te other parent not interfere on your time with kids...he can order how you guys communicate...all kinds of stuff. Trust me, there are many many people out there that have to go thru the courts to keep one parent at bay! They can do a parenting plan that includes all that kind of stuff.

bellacita's picture

there has to be hard concrete evidence to get what u want from a judge...most of them live in the happy little land where exes get along and everyone lives only to make the kids happy and everyone has their best interests at heart and all act accordingly...yeah rite.

in our case, we had documentation of BMs harrassment and were basically told to suck it up and deal w it bc thats what we have to put up w (a crazy BM) for SD. uh, no thanks. anyway...i dont think they can do anything if its happening in public. a judge cant tell her where she can and cannot be on your days. i would start documenting everything and maybe do a free lawyer consult. the fact that there has been one heated exchange where she got physical probably means there will be more. next time, i would report it...maybe just call to file just so u can start building ur case. good luck.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

Most Evil's picture

It sounds like she is trying to provoke you into something physical, in hopes of getting you out of skids life. Do not start anything, but if she does I am sure you can defend yourself, but make sure you have witnesses that say, she swung first.

That is a terrible thing to have to worry about, but Bella is right to document, and try to avoid her if you can. You can get a restraining order against her if you need to (just a piece of paper, but shows a pattern of harrassment from her).

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

smurfy1smile's picture

Since I have been on this site, I have seen this issue more than once. When BM and my SO were trying to work out a parenting plan that included a no interference clause which states...

A no interference clause regarding how and when we should communicate, i.e. don't call each other at work, unless it's an emergency; don't call each other after 9pm or before 8am, unless it's an emergency. Neither parent will interfere with phone calls between the child and the other parent when the child is old enough to talk on the phone. Each parent will respond promptly, within 24 hours, to the other parent's communications via email or a phone call but only if its an emergency.

Neither parent will interfere with the bonds of affection between the other parent, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, or stepparents and the child.

They both agreed to this and it is working so far. Only time will tell.