bio mom yelling at stepmom
I have really struggled with being a part of a blended family. My parents, paternal and paternal grandparents have all been married for 30 to 60 years. I have no experience or understanding of divorce. I have known my husband as a friend for 10 years and 6 years ago during his separation we became close friends. We started dating after his divorce was finalized and were married about 10 months later.
This week was the straw that broke the camels back. Bio mom has yelled at me three times in the past year, taking her anger and frustration out of me, where I feel that she is ready to physically harm me if given the chance. All three situations were the direct result of lies that her children had told her.
For example the skids (9 and 11) must wear clothing back that has come from their mom's house. This was initated a year and a half ago when I would spend $500 on clothing for the kids and then turn around a month later and be spending another $300 because their clothes at their mom's house don't fit. (My DH the skids bf is a stay at home dad so I am financially responsible for all expenses in our home) Custody is joint physical and legal 50/50 split each week with no child support from either parent. BM was concerned that kids would wear the same outfit on wednesday and friday of the same week. I avoided this by laying the kids clothes out each evening before transition day.
This past thursday evening I did just that, set out outfits for each child. The 11 year old in a typical manner whined to DH that the clothes from mom's house did not fit, (but she still had worn them over to our house without a problem.) So he let her change, well she changed into the outfit she had just worn on Wednesday. the 9 year old I had also set out his clothes, well he decided to change his shirt to the same one he had worn on wednesday. I left for work at 6am on Friday morning so I have no idea what clothes they actually left in. I get home from work, find the clothing I had set out still on SS bed and tell DH, BM is going to be mad.
Within an hour BM called DH he told her what had happened and then she asked to speak with me. She started yelling at me that this had to end, that I was being unfair. I told her a) do not yell at me, b) I set out clothes just as we had agreed, c) her children choose the same outfits and d) lied to you about it blaming me for "forcing them to wear the same clothes" per BM.
I have routinely become the scapegoat for the skids to their mom, I am to blame for everything when I have done nothing wrong. As I said this was the third time in 8 months that bm has yelled at me. I wrote an e-mail to bio mom that I no longer will be meeting with her in person and talking with her on the phone. Her behavior is unacceptable and I will no longer tolerate the abuse both emotional and verbal.
I don't think DH at all understands the emotional roller coaster I live with his children. I live in fear and anxiety of his ex wife which in turn is destroying my relationship with my own daughter (8 months), my husband and any positive interaction with the skids. I am ready to just stop trying. It hurts to much to love two children, to want to see them succeed and then be stabbed in the back.