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20yr old ss on drugs

Rockiedlr's picture

My husband's son is going to be 20 next month he had a child when he was 17 doesn't work and is on drugs.. I'm fed up We have allowed him to live with us twice and give him 3 months to find a job or go back to school or both as soon as e months would come up he leaves doesn't say thank you nothing just leaves. His dad started renting a room for him because I won't allow him to live with us anymore well he told his dad he was gone for 6 days and they kicked him out I personally don't believe that but whatever now he's homeless again and he called his dad 3 nights ago wanted to know if him and his girlfriend can spend the night I said no absolutely not he needs to learn that he needs to be responsible. My husband was very angry with me and called me a bitch and said his son will always come first. This is not the first time this has happened it's like the 3rd time now and he will always tell me my place. I sound like a broke. Record every time we talk so I haven't talked to him in 3 days. There is so much more to this story I'm just giving u the short versions. He says u hate his son I say no I just don't like his ways he has bb guns sent to my mail he has no business with a gun period he's up to no goos. When he gets mad at his dad he threatens to kill him calls him a piece of shit dad just totally disrespects him. I have opened my home to this kid but he is just a bumb. I feel so distant from my husband I don't k ow what to do. I know if this continues if he doesn't put boundaries up with him make him responsible this marriage is over and we just got married this past October. Any suggestions? Am I wrong?

hereiam's picture

You are not wrong. His son needs to grow up and he is not going to if he continues to be coddled by your husband. We all know that one night, will not be one night.

I guess if you are a bitch and his son will always come first, there is not much hope for this marriage.

Would your husband go to counseling? He needs to learn how to deal with addicts and their behavior. And, how to treat his wife and marriage.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

How much are you prepared to tolerate? The more you do, the more and easier it becomes the "new normal". It also becomes harder to get out.

Your husband called you a bitch? Speaks to you in abusive ways? Does not respect your views on his son or what should happen in your own home? This does not gel with my idea of a marriage to be honest with you. This is not only about boundaries with his son, this is about having SOME respect for you as well.
You have more than enough reason with only the above to get out of your extremely unhealthy and abusive situation.

ndc's picture

If your husband called you a bitch and let you know in no uncertain terms that you are not his priority, it's really time to consider whether this is a relationship you want to continue.  Especially with the SS who seems unstable and is making threats.  You need to have self respect, particularly when those around you don't seem to show you much respect.


StepUltimate's picture

My DH and I are struggling; me hurt at the ongoing massive disrespect, laziness, & lying of SS18. SS18 has mocked our marriage & disrespected his dad (my DH) to his face. Gets kicked out, but plays an oscar-winning i sowwy daddee delivery & apologizes to me too, but then resumes standard operations. My DH always says me & our marriage come 1st, so that's where my situ is different. Very different, because I would be long-gone if my DH ever told me I was 2nd to anyone but God. 

I am sorry you are going through this, and hope you bring yourself the relief you need, however that might look for you. 

Rags's picture

A man of character, honor and substance does not refer to the woman in his life  as a bitch.  Ever.  Move on and never again settle for a man who treats you as anything less than his equity life partner, respects you as his mate, makes you his top priority over all else and honors you as his bride... every day.

Demand and accept nothing less.

IMHO of course.

Goodluck's picture

Google social services contact information for your locality. Print it out.  Also purchase a local newspaper want-add and rental property section. 

These 3 items are WHAT dh should be giving to his adult son. Social services will help him with foodstamps, welfare and housing. The local newspaper will help him find a job and a place to rent a room IF social services doesnt have a place. 

Your husband should be very careful about his adult kid staying at the Grandparent home.  The likelihood of kid taking money or asking for money is high. Grandpa could be ripped off to the max with a druggie Grandson.

At this point no one is helping him.  They think they are but they are not.

So sorry about this. I have seen parents take 2nd and 3rd mortage out, drain what savings they have just to meet bail AND lawyers fees. BE aware.

IN the event DH or adult kid tells you "what am I going to do...let him be homeless'....NOPE that is what social service is for and the want adds. IF kid is on the streets it is no one's fault but his own.


notsobad's picture

Well, since his son comes first and you are a bitch, DH can go with his son. 

The two of them can get an apartment or live in a box on the street.

Rockiedlr's picture

Thank you all for ur advice and comments his sons mom died 7 or 8 years ago and she was a very unstable alcoholic and very abusive his daughter is doing great for herself I'm very proud of her but ss is the bad sheep of the family and my dh parents out of guilt he should of done counseling along time ago when she passed. I know deep down this is never gonna end. I'm gonna recommend counseling and see what he says.

Old sm's picture

I'd be knocking on my lawyer's door.  If my husband called me a bitch and SD was bringing drugs in the house, they'd both be gone permanently and I'd have my lawyer bury DH's ass so deep in the ground that the only thing he'd see when he looked up would be roots.