You are here

Wondering what our fate will be...

green-eyed.girl's picture

This is going to be a long vent… I’m sorry, hope you can keep up with the mess our lives have become…

We filed a Motion for Modification requesting joint 50/50 visitation.

We filed a motion for “Testimony of Child in Camera”. The SD is 13 and has asked for more time with her BF.

We filed contempt charges on the BM for the following:
1. Visitation: BM is not allowing SD to spend considerable time with BF, she only allows SD to visit every Wednesday and every other Weekend (it’s like pulling teeth to get the SD and when we have her we get called continuously because she has made plans and wants the SD back). They have shared parental responsibilities and the BM has primary residence.

2. Marital Home: BM was to refinance or removed BF by January 2007, BM did not and has been running 90 to 120 days delinquent on mortgage.

3. BM Vehicle: BM was to hold BF harmless of such debt, BM totaled vehicle claimed she had gap insurance, now BF has a write off on his credit for the balance of the vehicle.

4. BM was to pay off a judgment at the time was x-amount, she did not, they garnished BF paychecks until we paid x-amount to stop the garnishments, now the BF is not responsible for the balance of the judgment, she is.

Also, requesting that the BF has the right to add whomever he chooses to pick up the SD from school and to cease her actions when I attend extra-curricular activities or school functions.

We also found out that during the divorce the BM forged a loan in the BF name, signed documents and had money directly deposited in her checking acct. BF is now responsible for the loan.

We get hit with the following from the BM’s Attorney:

BM’s response to the BF’s request for “Testimony of Child in Camera”. BM is rejecting testimony claiming it is detrimental to the SD to make her choose between parents. (SD came to us to asking for more time, so how is that detrimental?)

BM’s motion for “Child Custody Evaluation” and BM wants BF to pay for the evaluator.

Also the BM states that the BF has a history of violence and a propensity to destroy property both during and after the marriage. The BM states that the underlying threat of his rage and temper in influencing the parties’ minor child and her testimony should be considered.

- No history of violence, she filed an injunction when he asked for the divorce, she would break the injunction and filed a police report he broke the injunction. She agreed willingly to drop the injunction at mediation, the judge signed off on it and then she filed a false police report again claiming he broke the injunction. He has never been convicted of violence and there has not been one spec of evidence showing he was ever violent to her.

BM’s Motion “Contempt and Enforcement”.
1. BM states that the BF has not handed her a document yearly to show that the SD is beneficiary of the BF Life Insurance Policy of $50,000 to cover her child support in the event something happens.
- SD has always been 100% beneficiary, policy has not changed, not even when we were married, but now it will be to ensure I am listed also.

2. BM states that the BF has not paid half on extra-curricular activities and wants reimbursement of payment.
- We have always paid 95% of ALL extra-curricular activities and have receipts, can’t believe the lies.

BM’s response to BF’s Petition for Modification:
1. BM denies all contempt charges on visitation and request an upward modification in child support.

And now the BIG one: BM filed a motion “Request to Produce” the following:
All of these items are for BF and MINE (she has requested an open door to my personal/confidential files/life)
Item #1 – Income Tax Records (Past 3 Years)
Item #2 – Income Records (Past 3 Years)
Item #3 – Bank Statements (Past 2 Years)
Item #4 – Accounts Receivable / Payable
Item #5 – Promissory Notes / Mortgages
Item #6 – Debts – See attached credit report
Item #7 – Financial Statements
Item #8 - Credit Cards
Item #9 – Real Property
Item #10 – Motor Vehicles
Item #11 – Furniture, Furnishing & Equipment (Business)
Item #12 – Personal Property
Item #13 – Stock & Bonds
Item #14 – Insurance
Item #15 – Wills & Trust
Item #16 – Contracts
Item #17 – Retirement & Profit Sharing Accounts
Item #18 – Partnership & Joint Ventures
Item #19 – Firearm Registration
Item #20 – Power of Attorney
Items #21 – Memberships
Item #22 – Other Litigations
Item #23 – Other Securities
Item #24 – Security Accounts
Item #25 – Financial Affidavit
Item #26 – Cashiers Checks
Item #27 – Other Insurance
Item #28 – Investigators
Item #29 – Deferred Income
Item #30 – Estimated Tax Statements
Item #31 – Intangible Property Tax
Item #32 – Tangible Property Tax
Item #33 – Real Estate Tax Notices
Item #34 – Precious Metals
Item #35 – Collections
Item #36 – Jewelry
Item #37 – Charts, Graphs, Records, ETC.
Item #38 – Disability Income/Pension
Item #39 – Premarital Assets, Non-marital Assets and Special Equities
Item #40 – Insurance

Ok, so I am completely exhausted with all these attempts from the BM… Anyone have the same issues? Any advise?

Sita Tara's picture

Hopefully she is shooting herself in the foot with the excessive focus on your material possessions. I don't think there's a judge around who won't smell this a mile away. What did your attorney say?

All I can tell you is to continue to keep the financial requests to a minimum, and focused only on the things she was to do in the divorce, (or last hearing?) on your end if you are seeking visitation/ custody changes. The more BM focuses on monetary gain, and you two focus on best interest of the child, the more the judge will believe you are about the kid not the money.

Let us know. I'm very curious to see how the court reacts to this obsession with YOUR finances.

Very bizarre.

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

green-eyed.girl's picture

We have a meeting with our Attorney tomorrow... Our Attorney filed for the same "Request to Produce" against the BM stating if we have to show ours she has to show hers...

sparky's picture

Dont give her anything unless the JUDGE tells you he will lock you up for contempt if you dont deliver.

green-eyed.girl's picture

I have everything ready, I keep records of everything... If a Judges orders it so, then we are prepared with documentation... It's extremely frustrating...

bellacita's picture

but wow...i am so sorry u are going thru all this. probably what my life will be like down the road bc BM is whacko. i just wish some parents could focus on whats best for THEIR KIDS...isnt that supposed to be the point of all this???

everythinghappens4areason's picture

She can request all she wants, but its what is relevant is what the judge is going to order for you to produce. She is making herself look ridiculous.

Focus on the child and only the child. The judge should see what is taking place here, or at least I would hope he does....she's the true meaning of a NUTBAR!!!!

Colorado Girl's picture

It is just a "reaction".

In my case, the only information that pertained to me was the checking accounts that my husband is on and the joint tax return. ALSO, when she requested this, DH turned around and demanded her to produce the same information.

Our BM lied as well. She stated that child care and child support was not being paid for by DH, so I had to go back three years and produce all the copies of the checks that were written. $150 copy fee/research fee the bank charged me for the 200 pages that I submitted. She ALSO stated that she paid for ALL haircuts, clothes, shoes etc. and I rummaged thru receipts/credit card statements/checks written and provided copies for anything i could find that involved any sort of expense for my skids. She stated that she paid for school lunches which she did not and the school kindly furnished the paperwork stating that the girls received "free lunches" based on BM's income. BM sought reimbursement for extra-curricular activities as well - again I provided receipts for the costs that were paid ENTIRELY by us - and our lawyer informed us that in the State of Colorado, you can not seek reimbursement for sports/scouts/etc. anyways.

We flooded her with receipts and paperwork and countered every request she made.

ALSO, my skids' BM did not say that DH was violent - she stated that I was. I simply denied it and nothing was ever brought of it but it's never fair to be falsely accused. Like in my case, she's simply grasping at straws to further her cause.

As far as the evaluator, say sure but since it's her request - SHE can front the cost. The judge will probably compromise and grant this motion along with a 50/50 split of the cost. This might actually be a good thing! A good evaluator will talk with your SD and your SD can express her desire to visit her dad more. You can also disprove any false information at that point as well. A lot of times an evaluator can tell when there is a less than cooperative parent involved and this will not speak highly for BM.

I fought the silent battle. I provided any and every document that she requested (and that was required by law). I documented every expense. I also appeased her silly requests that made her look petty. She didn't want me at the pick up/drop I didn't go. I gave her everything she wanted until she ran out of things to complain about when it came to me.

It is exhausting. You are where I was 9 months ago. We filed a response to her motion for an upward modification of parenting time and child support showing her that DH was going to fight the fair fight. I inundated her with paperwork disproving her claims and giving her exactly what she asked for. I gave her no ammunition to justify any of her adverse behavior - no accusations at her capability as a mother, DH only stated that he was just AS GOOD a parent as she was and deserved to parent them JUST AS MUCH. The girls wanted the 50/50 split as well.

BM finally caved. She gave up the good fight and agreed to less child support and less parenting time.

BMs know when they are lying. They know when they are being petty. They know when their children express a desire to see the other parent more, it's the right thing to do. It's just getting them to admit it that's the hard part. I've found that by ALWAYS being the bigger person and not ever allowing her to have justification for adverse behavior, enables her to be a civil human being. And I didn't think that this was possible with her.

It is by far the hardest thing I've ever done.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley