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What if we've never followed the court order

step off already's picture

My court order with my exH states that I have sole legal custody and joint physical. The visitation was to be Tues and Thurs evening visits and he could have them Fri after school - sun night every other weekend and we'd take turns with Christmas and Thanksgiving.

He was to pay $300 weekly in child support, all private school tuition, all extra curriculars, medical insurance and all medical expenses.

Early into the arrangement once he got himself settled into a new home, he asked to have the kids overnight during the week for Thurs only and he asked if he could bring them to school Monday mornings instead of doing the exchange Sunday night as it would be easier for him.

I agreed.

He also stated that he would have a difficult time fullfilling the financial obligations of the order. So he agreed to increase support to $350 weekly, I'd cover medical (I know had access), we'd split tuition.

I don't bother asking him for $ for extra curriculars or medical expenses unless they are over $50.

Now he doesn't want to pay for the kid's private schooling and I'm not happy. He's just saying he can't do it.

I have always tried to keep this divorce cordial and make things easy for him.

What can i do at this point? Since we've made verbal agreements after establishing the original order, where do I currently stand?

amber3902's picture

When both parents agree, they can do whatever. When they don't agree, you revert back to the CO.

If your CO says ex is to pay all private school tuition, that's what he has to do. You say ya'll have been splitting the cost of tuition, so now he says he can't pay for half anymore?

Since ya'll have been able to work things out before in the past, can you work out something with him on this?

step off already's picture

We are trying to work it out... or at least I am trying to. He is just getting angry that I'm not going along with him and putting the kids in public school since he no longer wishes to pay.

amber3902's picture

Is it not "wanting" to or not "able" to?

Is he undergoing temporary financial difficulty? It sounds like he never was able to do what the court ordered from the get go, though, since from the beginning he said he would have a hard time following the court order causing ya'll to make the current arrangement. Sounds like some of the husbands on here, who have COs they should not have agreed to in the first place.

You could be a b$tch and say, tough noggies, the court order says you have to pay tuition. But then you have to go through the headache of taking him to court to force him to pay.

How are you trying to work things out with him?

step off already's picture

His business is doing better than ever from what he is telling me.

We have had several meetings and discussions, but lately he just gets angry and ends up either storming off or I have to end the phone conversation because he is losing his temper.

askYOURdad's picture

The only thing you can do at this point is try to work it out or go to court.

Saying "this is what the CO says" probably won't mean much as negotiation. Chances are you will go to court or mediation and work out a new plan. If a new plan can't be worked out it will likely revert to this one.

ETA: I don't know your state laws, but we were told flat out that no judge will ever order tuition to be paid, the only way it can go/stay in a CO is if the parents agree to it.

Patsy's picture

If he doesn't have the money now then how will he help with college? You have to look at the future for this. It might work out better to just go to court now and have college expenses addressed as well. The only thing I see as a problem when you go back to court is you’re EX stating he doesn't agree that private schooling is necessary. I only say this because when BM tried to get my DH to pay for private catholic school he really did not want SD to go to that school. He wasn't catholic and the school was way too small and academically behind. The judge ruled that since DH is not supportive of the school he will not pay any part of it. The cost of tuition was entirely up to BM. In your case it looks like he agrees to it, but he can't pay his part. Save anything you have showing your husband supports the private schooling.

step off already's picture

The kids have gone to this school for 8 years. My boys since pre-K and DD since K. So, obviously he supports it...

Patsy's picture

I agree with LadyFace. I personally do not see the need for private schools in my area and this would not be a fight for me. I would fight for college.

step off already's picture

In my area, it's better to go to the private school. They are not very expensive either. I'm looking at a $5K yearly tuition at the HS we have selected for SS.

Patsy's picture

I hate this , but it really sounds like going to court is the only option. Just make sure you have a few consultations fist and see how sure the lawyers is that getting half the tuition will not be a problem.

step off already's picture

He's also let me know that he wasn't able to contribute to any college fund. Luckily, the children are eligible for special programs as he is classified as a disabled CA Veteran. (He was not aware of this, this was something I later found out and informed him of).

step off already's picture

Yes! Amen to this! I'll look into it. From my initial research about a year ago, I found lots of good stuff on CA Vets. But I'll look into the GI College funding also.

... So I'm not as worried about paying for college as my initial research states that if they go to a CA school, they will pay for their entire enrollment fees each year. So that leaves me with books/ room and board. I'm sure that between loans and my contribution, they should be able to swing college without any problem.

- I just need to make sure they get there.

step off already's picture

And I know this and I don't want to go to court. We've never gone and I don't want to.

He was the one who came up with the original financial arrangement in the CO. I don't expect him to be a martyr that's why I was fine with agreeing to massive changes.

step off already's picture

Lol. Actually he is recently married to his long time gf. He has also asked her to quit her job so she can help him with his business and help more with the kids.