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Update: they DID ask for DH and my texts/emails

Biostep7777's picture
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So, we are in a custody battle and I'm worn the hell out. HCBM is relentless. Her and her attorney are asking for everything in discovery. They want every email/text message ect that he and I have ever sent each other, they want receipts of everything DH has ever spent on my kids. Like....what in the world!! There are very confidential things in emails about my children  that I have emailed him about to keep on record incase anything hapodned to me. Like very confidential things! I rather did than his ex wife have any info about my children. Please tell me they will not subpoena this stuff. I have no idea how it would help their case anyway. What does DH and my private conversations have to do with his custody case? I'm sick to my stomach! 

tog redux's picture

You don't have to turn over everything they ask for. And you only have to honor a judge's subpoena for the information. Work with your attorney on it.

Survivingstephell's picture

Then can ask for everything but only give what's forced by subpoena.  It's a game. Your lawyer needs to look out for you and not give away your children's privacy. 

ndc's picture

I can't imagine you'll have to produce that stuff.  They're probably doing it to drown you in paper and hope you produce something of value to them.  Your attorney will likely object to most of it.

Edited to add:  What is the custody battle for?  Is someone trying to get more time, or are you trying to change the schedule?  If BM's parents are wealthy and willing to provide endless funds for her lawyer, this could break you.

Biostep7777's picture

They had a separation agreement that was awful and he should have never signed. She didn't follow it. They have joint legal and she never included him in any decision, withheld the kids when she felt like it, filled up DH's weekend with a hundred activities so he is suing her and getting a court order. 

shamds's picture

Even remotely relevant to her issues eith your husband? They aren't!! Stand your ground!! I doubt a judge will approve this breach of privacy unless its relevant and we don't mean assumed to be relevant or vaguely relevant.

the issue is she refused to participate in the agreed parenting/custody order and any private texts between u & hubby are irrelevant 

24 years as a SM's picture

Is none of the HCBM business, if and that's a big if, you are subpoenaed to hand over any information about your kids, I would redacted so much that it would be just a black page. Anything medical, legal or financial should be off limits, besides how would she know about any emails between you and your DH? Please tell me when they split that he changed all his passwords and HCBM doesn't have access to viewing his emails?

Biostep7777's picture

Oh of course he did! Yeah I mean produce all the texts from when we first met until now?? Like... why?? You want to see all the dirty talk and texting you dummy??? Lol!!! Yeah there absolutely no way in HELL I am handing over all of our text messages with very personal, private, intimate details of our lives together, things that are private about my own kids ect... she just wants to be nosey to try and use against us. She honestly feels because she is "mother" that she has the right to know everything in our private married life and everything about my children? God I hate her so much. She is the most vile person on earth. 

tog redux's picture

Don't be afraid to say NO, even if you worry it will affect your DH in court. She and her attorney have ZERO right to any information concerning you, your children, or anything you and DH say to each other, even what you say about the stepkids. This is just them trying to intimidate you.

Though, I'll be honest, after what we went through, I'd advise that your DH drop the part about her not consulting him on decisions, and just focus on getting a financial agreement that doesn't involve him paying for everything. She is NEVER going to act like they have joint custody, it's simply not going to happen.  And the sooner you can get out of court, the better.

shamds's picture

Me and hubby, actually she would have sd25 demand that for her on her behalf, my husband would tell the to get stuffed!!

one thing he doesn't approve of is the invasion of privacy between husband and wife or any meddling in our lives. Trust me, me and hubs have enough dirty sexy txts especially since hubby works o/seas in essential services and it took 11 months since pandemic before we could meet. 
 

no way would exwife be getting a hold of any sexy txt between me and hubby or any sexy pics lol... this is so friggin ridiculous

Rags's picture

They are playing you. They can ask in one hand and shit in the other and they will find out in a hurry which hand fills up first.

Anyone can ask for anything in discovery.  You are not required to provide anything much less everything.  Your personal communication between you and your husband is none of BM's or her idiot attorney's business and your attorney should have the balls to tell them both to fuck off.  

If your attorney is worth a crap he will shut the bullshit down and nail their asses to the wall with a comprehensive justifiable list of discovery items that a Judge will force them to provide.  

Use your head, apply the test of reasonableness to their discovery requests, shut them down on the ridiculous crap and go for their throats with logical and justifiable discovery requests of your own.

Do not give this toxic harpy space in your head and learn to be energized by battling her crap and barring her ass.  This is the long game.  The side with the firmest commitment to winning.... wins.

Idiots like the BM in your situation will always hang themselves by trying to take too much rope.

Enjoy the process.

Diablo

 

Winterglow's picture

Remind yourself that this is *only* a custody battle and you are not being tried for murder. They can ask for anything they want, doesn't mean they have to get it. I think it's highly unlikely that a judge will supboena your private messages - like I said, you're not on trial, this is not a criminal case.

I hope you get a judge who not only sees the games she's been playing but also that she's behaving like  jack russell terrier who has gotten his teeth into a toy and won't let go. 

Just make sure that all of her income is requested with all the details including all her bank statements so that any *gifts* from her parents or anyone else come to light.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Just say you don't have anything to turn over. Once texts are deleted you can't recover them. They can't prove otherwise.

Most people don't save texts because it takes up memory space on the phone.

ndc's picture

I wouldn't do this unless they were in fact deleted BEFORE the discovery request was received.  They have no legitimate reason to get all of your correspondence. Have your lawyer shut that down. Don't get yourselves in potential trouble by being less than forthright.

tog redux's picture

OMG, I just had a memory. When DH was in court last because BM wanted an increase in CS and college tuition ordered, DH had to submit our joint tax returns - so I redacted my SSN, as a normal person would.  Of course tuition was ordered, and when BM sent the first bill for tuition along, SS's Student ID was redacted.  We puzzled over that for a while - did she think DH would hack into SS's student account?  Then it occurred to me - she was upset that he redacted my SSN, and this was payback.  Sure enough, that got it out of her system and when the next bill came along, we could see his Student ID.

These women are nuts. I can't imagine being in their heads.  Such bitterness all the time.

OP, I say that you tell them that you delete all texts and emails except for sexy ones, which you hang to for material for your sex life.  Then send those along to her attorney ...         Diablo

notarelative's picture

I am not a lawyer, but shouldn't communications between husband and wife be covered under spousal privilege? They are asking your husband to waive privilege. He shouldn't voluntarily waive privilege. BM can ask for anything. That does not mean DH has to give unreasonable/ not legally required items.

Biostep7777's picture

She also asking for an itemized list of ANY money he has spent on myself and my kids. She's claiming that anything he spends on us takes away from her kids. She is truly insane! 

Survivingstephell's picture

That happens during a divorce and usually it's when a man buys a lot of expensive gifts for his mistress, there by spending family money on her.  I really don't see how a married couple is betraying the first family when Child support is paid, thereby making BM responsible for making her budget work.  
 

They are asking for everything to see what they can get.  I know it's the weekend but hang on and see what your lawyer says this week. I'm sure you have very little to worry about.  

Rags's picture

The NCP's responsibility to supporting the failed family ends at CS and any other COd support elements.  CS is paid to the X solely for the care and feeding of the joint children that the NCP shares with the CP.

This X pushing for the household expenditures of her X and his new mate/family is merely a fishing expedition.  Not unusual.

The SpermClan did the same with my DW and I during their push for custody (failed), and defense of CS increases (failed).  We provided everything requested by the court and nothing that the SpermClan demanded in discovery.  Interestingly, they never provided anything requested either by us in discovery or the courts... other than the Spermidiots last two pay check stubs.  The first question we instructed out Attorney to ask was always of the Judge.  "Where is all of the information demanded by the courts of both parties. Here is ours, where is theirs?"  Watching Judge squirm, turn purple, and weasle out of holding the SpermClan accountable for complying with the Courts information subpoena was always a moment of gloating for me.  Then we would go through my refusal to provide my specific income information.  The Judge would nearly stroke out and splutter and rant and I would refuse to provide my personal financial information since I was not a party to the case.   I always found a Judge ruling that as a SParent that I was not a party to the case but my money was to be rediculous and always pushed them to the brink of holding me in contempt before providing my financial information.  Our attorney hated it, until we found our killer shark attorney who thought it was funny agreed that it made a notable point.

 

We went in with reems of documentation in response to the court's information request and documentation of the SpermClan crap.  We found that providing the court with information on the SpermClan that they refused to provide went a long way to aligning the Judge as our alie and put the Judge in direct opposition to the SpermClan crap.  Each time we nailed their asses in court.  CS went up, they got nothing they were attempting to get, and .... I went home after court and scoured my body in a steaming hot shower because the entire process sceeves me out eavery time we had to go to war in court. The idiocy of the opposition, the idiocy of the courts, etc... just discusts me.  Always has.

I have never been nervous about court. I thrive on going to battle.  But hearing a Judge make a comment like "any child would be blessed to have the love of this wonderful family" makes me wanna puke.  I have always found a Judge making a statement like this then chewing the Spermidiot's ass for his gangbanger attire, goofy hair style, and rediculouse behavior to be incongruous.

I have no use for an idiot opposition and I have no use for Courts... exept as a useful tool for keeping the idiot opposition in line.  

We never backed away from holding the toxic opposition or the courts accountable for idiocy.  No one should IMHO.  When they threatened court, our response was always "Brind it on!"  After the first time when they went for custody, they never initiated court but they would threaten it periodically.  They did initiate a CS review once in an attempt to get CS reduced, it went up.  After that... they avoided court.

tog redux's picture

He's only required to pay what the court orders him to pay for his children, and usually there is a formula to decide child support, plus extras. What he spends on your kids is irrelevant.  Don't give it. 

Biostep7777's picture

Exactly!! The funny part is she thinks he paid for my kid's braces. Lol!! He didn't. Myself and my kid's father paid for their braces. She asked in discovery how much he contributed to braces so he is going to put $1.50 since he bought her wax one day at the store. He's going to include the receipt. Omg. I had tears coming out of my eyes from laughing. 

tog redux's picture

It's none of her effing business. She really is a jealous one, isn't she?

CLove's picture

Dh gets VERY nervous anytime court dates are brought up. Toxic Troll, when he didnt want to work on her car, threatened to up the spousal support and child support, throwing all kinds of numbers around, adding a few references to "her lawyer". 

I told him

1. she cant go up for a review any old time she wants, its every 3 years, unless something major happens.

2. Shes full of chit, because the judge already went through the formula and came up with a number. His pay hasnt changed and so she can take a flying leap.

3. She was on her last month of spousal support. Once spousal support is awarded it takes an act of God to change it. So there she can go pound sand on that one too...

Rags's picture

C,

I love the spine and intellect  you bring to the games with TT.

Bravo!