Update: poop hit the fan
With what everyone said here, and SO trying to do the right thing, SS 14 has decided to try again with BM.
While we are confused after everything that has happened since SS asked SO to pick him up. BM stayed quiet through the weekend and then attempted to pick SS up from school on Tuesday. She got there easily and had him taken out of class. SS called SO and asked him what to do. SS ended up in his counselors office and explaining the situation, we don't know what was said as it was confidential. The school did try to release him to BM but SS refused and SO showed up to talk. The sheriffs showed up and it was a repeat of the day BM had called the cops. No one forced him to go with her. He left with SO.
Now at this point, we still don't have a clear picture of why SS didn't feel safe going home to BM. He would close up when asked about it. SO would remind him that he cannot hide from BM forever. If she really did something bad he needed to tell us. He would just say he didn't want to talk about it.
Yesterday morning, I guess BM decided it was time to call a truce with SO. She said she wanted SS home and that she and SO needed to stop fighting and stop court. She was willing to let him see SO anytime, even in her weekends. She just wanted to talk to him, no cops. SO was hesitant because that is the one thing SS asked him not to do... don't make him talk to BM. But SO wanted him to try, at least to tell her how he feels and what she did for this to happen. Even just to tell her he needs space.
SO called SS to let him know about it. He wasn't happy about it but said ok. They met in a parking lot after school and SS stayed in the car while BM said her piece. SO didn't hear everything but as soon as he reminded to tell SS how he felt, SS shut up. He wouldn't say anything. BM said "SO and I are going to work together now, so you can come home, right SO?" SO said it wasn't about them, it was about SS. I don't know what else was said but SS then said, "fine" and went with BM. SO could tell he was upset with him. SO had words with BM and told her that she needed to be nicer to SS because if any of the kids call, he will always pick up. We met them later at ysd's performance and SS wouldn't acknowledge SO.
SO is now wondering if he did the right thing. Yes, I think he did the right thing. I have a lot of emotion involved. I took SS to school in the mornings and even though it was barely a week, it was nice to have that time with him. We had been talking about stuff we would do that night when he got home. I was sad, surprised he went with BM, and now wondering if SS played us.
SS fought the school and BM hard to protect SS because he said he didn't feel safe going home. Now he is willing to begrudgingly try again? Did SO put him in an unsafe situation? Did SS lie about not feeling safe? To put us through calling the cops and drama with school and BM, it almost feels like SS got mad at SO for ruining his plan to run away from BM and cut her off. BM said the last conversation she had with SS was about not letting him see his girlfriend and grounding him. If all of this was for that, my heart breaks a little. We know BM talks a lot of crap about SO to the kids, so we know that there was attempt at alienation at some point, but SO believes this incident has turned her around. I'm skeptical. She couldn't get the cops on her side, the school couldn't do it, so the only thing left was to try and work with SO. Nothing will stop her from going back to her old ways as soon as everything goes back to normal.
i didn't get a chance to talk to SS after I found out about the meeting. Kind of worried it'll go the way of OSD13 as we haven't seen her in almost 5 months. SO feels like SS won't trust him anymore, but that he still did the right thing in the long run. I think I'll be more understanding after a day or two but there are still a lot of unanswered questions. I'm sad, but I support SO in what he did.
i appreciate everyone's input in my first post. We have always been on the fence about BM and mental/emotional abuse. She yells a lot and has a history of calling SS names out of anger, according to SS. I'm not sure there was ever a big reason SS started all of this. We got excited when SS "chose" us and he knew all the right things to say. Hopefully, if SS is really unhappy over there this time around, SO and BM can actually talk about it... but we'll see.