ss taken and "stuck" out of state unsure what action if any to take next.
Ok so bare with me this maybe kinda long...SS10 had a school trip for state level back in feb. They won and were supposed to go to nationals located in GA (which for added important detail is an 8-10 hour ride factoring in traffic or any gas and bathroom breaks taken). DH asked bm what the days for nationals were and she wouldn't tell him till they were in mediation about changing our pick up time and day (we have every other week and pick ups in the middle of the day saturday were just crappy and not working). She apparently brought up that the "trip days were the 12-19th" causing dh to miss out on fathers day, he of course origanally agreed because he was thinking it was for ss10's school trip. Not realizing half the days she gave him she planned to use as her own personal family vacation time (because the order says vacations aren't to interfere with holidays and of course it would have interfered with fathers day so she would have had to have his permission). When he realized this though about a month later he told her he wanted ss10 back for fathers day he never agreed to allow her personal vacation time he only agreed because she told him that was the dates for ss10's school trip. She pretty much told him oh well you agreed and my mother in law already bought and paid for tickets and different stuff to do while down there (because her husbands mom lives close to where the school trip was held so they decided to stay and visit as their vacation).
So fast forward to the trip, dh tries to contact her to verify if it would be yesterday or today ss10 would be coming home because she told him till the 19th and he wanted claification to be sure (BM can be a huge PITA=pain in the ass). She is elusive and hard to contact but finally says the 19th (yestderday) now....they were SUPPOSED to be in the savannah/Darien GA area right off interstate 95 that WOULD have brought them home...and somehow yesterday they ended up broken down and towed clear to Vidalia, GA a whole freaking hr and 45 mins to 2 hrs away from where they were supposed to be and the interestate that would get them home, and DH didn't even get told this till 5:30 in the evening (so with it being an 8-10 hour ride he still wouldn't have even been home like DH was informed of). We would go down there ourselves to get him...but with the drive and dh work schedule its just not possible till saturday when he is off if they are still stuck down there assuming she would even actually let us pick him up from her.
So now the thing is with her saying they are broken down BM says she "can provide reciepts to prove the car is getting fixed" so what we are wondering next is how long do we give her to provide reciepts for proof of car repairs? how long do we give them to get the car repaired and back home? what would we have to do next legally as we don't have an exact address for them just a general location should they mess around and not provide any proof or any date of returning home? DH obviously wants to be understanding if the car is legit broken down....but he doesn't want to be lied to and toyed around with either.
Car broken down
Honestly, I don't see the car broken down as a hill to die on. Either go get him or wait for them to come home. Have him ask for make-up days for missing Father's Day and let it go.
Except for we worry how long this will be dragged out possibly.
Because knowing her she will highly likely tell him no on the makeup time. He has already missed half his week and if they dont make it home that means 3 weeks without seeing ss10.
To add to that they couldn't even really afford the trip to begin with so who knows how long before they could get stuff fixed and back. The lady had to have a bake sale to raise money for going down there.
Dh's worry is they are doing it to extend the vacation without his permission or to throw off that they are staying and not coming back....without getting some kinda proof that the car is legit broken down.
Like I said we would but we couldnt till Saturday due to the drive and work...and dh is concerned about making that long drive just for her to not send ss10 back with us.
You're going to have trouble
You're going to have trouble trying to prove BM is doing anything wrong.
Your DH initially agreed. Not BM's fault it occurred to DH a month late that he might not now agree.
The kid went, the kid may or may not have been on his way back for the 19th arrival. Things happen. Cars break down, Being an hour or so away from place 'suppose' to be is nothing more than taking a fun side trip. Nothing to send out the troops for.
You've said Dad is too busy to go get his kid until Saturday. Also not BM's problem. The woman is stranded in the boonies of Georgia. She has receipts for her troubles. Your Dh can't go get the kid nor has he said to BM he intend to drive down and 'rescue' the child.
No one has kidnaped the kid. No one, at this point, he refusing Dad to come get the kid. Unfortunately auto repair shops to not run their business per your CO ... it's get in line, wait your turn, parts need ordered and delivered and labor need preformed. Regardless of your suspicions you have no evidence anything is amiss.
What are you going to try and report? Who are you gong to report it to?
I suppose Dad could request a welfare check on the kid by the local police, but I'd think he should be able to show some genuine need of the call and be willing to run down and pick up his child right now. The police are not going to bring his kid home to your house for Dad.
And for what's it's worth, he can file contempt of court that it's the 30th and kid was not returned and available for the 19th (the original return date), but he just might look like a petty troublemaker in front of a judge who , even if court disapproves of BM not having the kid back in time, is going to do nothing more than scold her. Yep, even if she is only prolonging her vacation and lying about the car break down.
It takes a lot and numerous trips to court for any of these types of things to be taken very seriously. Sucks, but true.
A judge is not going to be upset your DH hasn't seen his kid for maybe three weeks. One of those weeks was BM's week anyway (and Dad would not be seeing kid) another Dad willingly agreed to allow the kid to miss part of Dad's week to attend the event. .... and by the time any contempt hearing rolls around, kid will be home, and life back to normal.
Ask BM for make-up time. Travel the 8-10 hrs to go get the kid and there is only a part of a week left to make-up.
Which if she can provide proof the car broke down great.
But the issue is how long does dh give her to provide this proof before assuming that bm is trying to get over on him and either extending her vacation or not coming home?
If she can actually provide proof then he would be alot less worried and be understanding, he just doesnt know how long to give her to provide such proof before assuming its something shady.
Its an 8-10 hr ride for us to get him we cant really just drop everything to go get him. We have jobs and 2 other kids it would have to wait till Saturday if she even allowed us to get him.
She is under no obligation to
She is under no obligation to prove to your husband her car broke down. Unless there is some wild off the wall wording in the CO that directly says 'parent must produce written documentation' , there is no time length.
No by tonight. No by tomorrow. Not even by the end of next week. She is under no obligation to produce proof unless she is sitting in a courtroom ready for a contempt order and the judge request proof.
Pick up the phone and put a call in for Dad's lawyer. Ask the lawyer. Dad's suspicions does not equate mandatory presented proof from BM. Ask the lawyer all your questions and what you can and can not demand BM produce.
The woman says she will provide some if Dad is absolutely insistent. She may not have a bill for repairs yet. She may figure when she gets home is quite soon enough.
Just what do you think will happen if she tells you 'I will send proof by Friday' and then fails to do so?
Your Dh has not asked or told BM he is coming to get the kid. How do you know she would say 'no' ?
And didn't you say exchange day is Saturday (this coming June 23rd)? So no, come Saturday she does not have to hand over the kid. Technically Saturday is start of her week.
Instead of all this 'what ifs', you should really either call the lawyer and ask for real legal advice or at least take the phone up and talk to BM.
Dad doesn't get to demand proof of anything. Consider yourself lucky she has willingly offered it.
This kid is 12. You and Dad are going to have a long road to eighteen if this is how Dad intends to pursue these issues.
All you have right now is 'Dh fears' , "Dh is afraid' , DH thinks BM may be lying'. And an offer from BM to actually provide proof eventually.
Dad either has a case worth pursuing or he doesn't. One day. One week. Isn't going to make any difference.
While I am sympathic towards your dilema, I am also a realist.
So pretty much my husband shouldn't be concerned or expect proof
No I didnt say exhange is supposed to be Saturday. I said: "Ok so bare with me this maybe kinda long...SS10 had a school trip for state level back in feb. They won and were supposed to go to nationals located in GA (which for added important detail is an 8-10 hour ride factoring in traffic or any gas and bathroom breaks taken). DH asked bm what the days for nationals were and she wouldn't tell him till they were in mediation about changing our pick up time and day (we have every other week and pick ups in the middle of the day saturday were just crappy and not working)."
Meaning he agreed it it in mediation when they were changing the pickup day to not be Saturday cause the middle of the day Saturday was a crappy day for pickup day.
So pretty much you don't think my husband has a reason with his son states away to be concerned about wanting proof of the car breaking down or an estimated return date? that he should just take her word and not do anything? and her possibly not even come back?
Also he is 10 not 12 I have said ss10 multiple times throughout the post.
I mean its a legit simple thing
Dh is trying to be understanding at the moment but at what point with no proof of a broken vehicle or estimated day home should he become worried she has taken him and is not bringing him back and seek a lawyer and legal action as up until this point bm and dh have represented themselves.
I kind of agree with Wrong
I kind of agree with Wrong Way Diva... What she did to begin with was super crappy. Your DH should have verified dates with the school before agreeing to the dates and missing father's day. I know that is something that we ALWAYS have to do with BM because she lies about everything- all the time. However, being stuck with a broken down car is something that happens. Tell DH to ask where the car is being worked on can call and check if he is that worried about it. I would also offer to go get SS and push for make up days or extended holiday time for the 4th of July or Labor Day weekend to make up for the lost Father's day.
Dhs concern isnt so much the car being broken down.
If they could/would prove that the car is legit broken down.
His concern is she is using it as a way to stay down longer causing him to miss 3 weeks with ss10 then wont allow makeup time.
or its her excuse for not coming home right now without telling him she doesnt plan to come home in general yet.
If your DH is worried about
If your DH is worried about it, he needs to get in a car and go pick him up. 2.5 hours doesn't need to wait until the weekend. He can do that even if he gets off at 8:00 tonight. It won't be fun but he can do it.
They were towed/ broke down 2.5 from where they were
They are towed/broke down 2.5 from where they were staying. They aren't 2.5 hours from us its an 8-10 hour drive for us to get stepson. I said that in my post that ga is 8-10 hours away.
Car repair
Crazy, but he could also offer to help pay for the repair. I know it depends on what is wrong with the car, but it would cost him at least $300 to go get SS. If his visit is delayed over a small repair, it would be worth it---if the transmission fell out, well that's different. He could call the shop and give them his Visa number directly and authorize xx.xx to go towards the bill.
Sometimes working together is the best way to get visitation--probably cheaper than going to court too!
Have to agree here...
Have to agree here...
How about a picture?
Ask if she will send a picture of the estimate - or the damage? If she won't, and DH is still uncomfortable with the situation, he can either drive down there and get his kid or wait until she returns and file contempt charges.
Has BM ever been a flight
Has BM ever been a flight risk? Does she have a history of taking SS and disappearing? If not, your DH needs to calm down a bit and give this a day or two. He can file contempt charges when she gets back, and then she can pony up proof that she was legitimately broken down and stranded for that long.
If she has been a flight risk before, then your DH needs to contact his lawyer and seek legal counsel now. The lawyer can give him advice on what he can and should do.
What they did, where they stayed, why they were 2.5 hours south of where they said they were going to be is none of your concern. SS not being back on time is. If BM were generally good about communicating and not being a snake, I would agree that he is going overboard. However, it sounds like she is being spiteful, so show some appropriate force.
This is the first time she has been out of state.
But she is bad for planning activities during dh parenting time then demanding to be allowed to have ss and then not returning the favor or making demands over holidays. So thats a lot of why dh is concerned its a ploy to allow ss10 to be gone longer.
Dh only questions it because if ss10 was supposed to be home yesterday like she had told dh ss10 would be by 5:30pm they should have been halfway home not still in ga 2 miles west of where they had been staying so it makes him even more suspicious that without proof of a broken down vehicle that its a ploy to have ss10 longer.
He also worries (even though at this point she hasnt done it yet) that it could be a possibility that she just isnt coming back without proof of the car being repaired or an estimated date of return. Like "they have to order a part that will be here next monday and should be fixed and on the way home by Thursday or friday" instead of an "idk when yet" answer would simply settle his mind some on the situation.
Returning favors is not
Returning favors is not mandatory. If your DH gives BM extra time or does a favor for BM, she is under no obligation to be equally generous for Dad when he asks.
That's why most members here will tell you to follow the court to the 't'. Time after tme a member shows up whining they let Mom do x, y and z time after time, but when Dad asks for one lousy small favor BM says nope.
If you seriously thought the child was currently being kidnapped and never going to return, I'm going to assume you would be writing there is nothing you can do until Saturday (as far as going down there).
Maybe it it time to go back to court. Maybe it's time to toughen up some issues and modify some langauage.
Has Dad talked to his son on the phone? Maybe that is something that you'd want in a modified CO. The right to call the son once a day to say goodnight or every other day during regular exchange schedules. He could put in calls once every few days during vacation at something like 8:30 pm.
It's not out of line when the child is going off to a special event out of town to request a check-up call. As you never know when such an event will occur , you'd simply go with language to permits such calls if and when such out of state and/or multiple days gone trips do occur.
Your CO can be as good or as poor as Dad and Mom can agree to. The best part about putting these things in with language is that it goes both ways. Example, Dad and you take SS out of town on the next honor event, BM could call and chat with kid part way through.
Usually when parentsare willing to agree to such language, they get it. It's when they can't agree that court decides for them.
In ours it is.
In ours it is it actually says word for word as I look at it "both parents agree to allow child to take part in as many special family activities and/or events as possible on both sides of the family. Birthday's, reunions, graduations, ect. The parent requesting time shall provide at least 48 hrs notice to the other parent if their requested time falls outside of parents scheduled custodial time. No reasonable request will be denied by the other parent. Each parent shall give thoughtful consideration to a request from the other parent for any changes in this set schedule. The parents can make any changes to their parenting plan by mutual agreement of both parties"
so yea she technically is supposed to "return the favor" as you say if we say cousin xyz has a birthday party can we have him x day just like we let her have him for stuff like that when she asks. Difference is we do what the order says. She doesn't. Like she will straight up go out of the way to plan his siblings birthday parties and such on dh's weekend and tell him "he has to let her get ss because the court order says so" but if we ask for something its no.
I mean really if she has kidnapped him what good is driving down there going to do? They wont tell us anything but a general location of where they are, dh could barely get what state they were stuck in out of her last night because he was trying to find out if they were close enough to pick up till he reminded her its also in the order that "the traveling parent shall give at least 2 weeks notice of travel and provide that parent with all pertinent travel information to include but not be limiter to: mode of transportation, schedule of travel, lodging information and a contact number where parent and child can be reached" which is when she finally gave him a general area. What are we supposed to do go down and drive all of vidalia ga till we find them? And then what if she refuses to turn him over since typically police wont get involved in the matter?
He has text ss some on the phone ss has but otherwise bm and ss have been difficult to reach.
I shudder at that court order
I shudder at that court order. not good with a HCBM. Let it go.
Over 1 intance, the courts are not going to insist she provide proof, at best contempt will get you a few make up days. Dad needs to ask when they are returning often, and document. The court will only do something if its a pattern.
updates?
I'm curious to know how this all worked out???
If BM fails to surrender the
If BM fails to surrender the Skid per the visitation schedule... file a contemp motion, call the police and bring hell down upon her for that crap.
We had to do this with the SpermClan upon occassion when they failed to return SS-25 per the schedule when he was young. They played these games a number of times. Things like "travel is on your time not ours", wrong. the CO was clear that each party was responsible for transporting the kid to their location while the other party was to cooperate by taking the kid to the airport. The CO was also clear that visitation began on the first day indicated which was also the travel there day and ended on the last day indicated which was also the travel back day. .... "His flight was canceled and we couldn't get a flight out for three days.".. Nope, we had a back up flight booked withing minutes for within two hours of the departure time of his original flight.... etc, etc.etc........
When they would pull that crap we would have my FIL go get the kid (with a police escort) where ever the Skid was located. SpermClan family reunions, church, at SpermGrandHag's work, in front of their house with their neighbors all around. It didn't matter. We didn't tolerate that crap.
Good luck. I hope you can get the Skid back on time.