Question about Custody agreements
just background info:my dh and bm were never married, but they were together till my sd was 5 (shes 6 and a half now) so he was with her everyday. For 6 months after they were split up there was no court order, but she let him have her 2 times a week. then she freaks out and changes her number and moves to the next town over and stops all contact for 6 months. dh and I move back to my hometown, in those 6 months with no contact, (they had a car together that he was a cosigner on and she stopped payments so they started contacting him, and they gave him her new number so he found out where she was) we saved $$ for a lawyer, an emergency temporary visitation was ordered, got to see sd after 6 months. Lived 120 miles away, so EOWE was okay with DH. 6 months later, DH moves to where we lived previously (about 20 miles away from BM now) and the lawyers are dragging their feet on getting a final order in, so DH wants to try to get 50/50 physical/joint custody.
DH's lawyer is saying that BM has to AGREE to 50/50 custody for it to happen. (not doubting the lawyer since he would know) but how many of you guys who have 50/50 custody (and dh/bm were never married) got it because dh and bm agreed or didnt agree? And if you guys do have 50/50, what days do you guys exchange the skids?
IT depends on your county and
IT depends on your county and Judge regarding 50/50 custody. There are some judges and counties that have 50/50 as a standard for custody. The lawyer should be able to tell you what the "custody standard" is in your area.
It is always best when BM and BF can agree to a custody arrangement before the court hearing. Judges like it when parents can work together. Also there is the benefit of knowing what kind of arrangement suits both households better instead of what a Judge thinks is better for everyone.
I am going to give you my opinion about 50/50 custody. This is MY opinion. I personally do not believe that 50/50 custody is possible in Most situations. There are the rare situations where the parents are friendly and work together, and live VERY close by...But let's get real~ how often does that happen? If everyone got along, noone would be on this site.
Also, there is the problem of the child being confused about where her real home is...I think it's not fair to the child to be split down the middle to suit the parents. The child will grow up with a suitcase back and forth, basically becoming a transient with no roots.
I've seen hundreds of custody
I've seen hundreds of custody cases. I have never in all my years working in family law, seen a good outcome with a 50/50 arrangement. Not saying there aren't some out there. But I can tell you based on my experience over years and years watching these families go in and out of court. And watching the kids grow up. It never works for the benefit of the child.
my dh and bm were never
my dh and bm were never married either and he has 50/50. they both get equal time. However, the child is not of school-age yet. And right now both parents live close so this custody arrangement is not an issue for the moment. Their case never made it to the judge because they worked it out with the attorneys. So ultimately, both parties did agree to the 50/50 split. HOpe this helps.
I have lived through this!
I have lived through this! So, my DH and BM were also never married and lived together until SD10 was 3. There was never a court order until SD10 was 9 because even through MANY arguments and plenty of times where she did withhold visitation, neither of them wanted to deal with court. Well, July 2009 BM picked up SD from summer school (SD had been living with DH and I full time for 7 months per BM's request, we had every weekend prior to that arrangement) and never returned SD! She refused any contact because BM wanted SD to move back with her and DH didn't feel it was a good idea (BM just came out of an abusive relationship and we also questioned if she had a pain pill addiction (she did!), plus she doesn't have a job, a car, or her own place to live) So, we were forced to go to court. We had any attorney and we sought full physical custody which was what BM was also seeking. They encouraged DH and BM to work it out, but that was never gonna happen. So, DH and BM were ordered to take parenting classes, meanwhile, they issued a temporary visitation order giving DH every weekend. DH and BM were also ordered to meet with a court appointed family case worker for an investigation. They both stated their case, and they even met with me and SD. At the next court hearing, the master listened to the recommendations of the case worker who felt that SD would benefit from a relationship with both of her parents and since BM was living with her father and showing that she is "attempting" to stablize her life (HA!), they didn't want to uproot SD (they live in a different county, only 20 min from DH and I), she recommended 50/50 legal and physical custody. The Master said that unless we could give him a good reason to not follow the recommendation, he suggested we agree to that. We chose to agree to the recommendation mainly to avoid going to trial which would be the next, VERY expensive, step. So, we now have 50/50 custody! Our schedule is:
Week 1: DH has SD from Thurs-Mon
Week 2: DH has SD from Thurs-Sat
We just alternate weeks. We also alternate holidays, we always get SD for Father's Day, we get one week vacation in the summer. We have hit some bumpy roads, but BM is reluctant to break the court order..so no major problems yet. I think the actual overnight percentage is DH 48% and BM 52% (pretty close) But the court order states "joint legal and physcial custody"