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PLEASE HELP, modification to parenting plan

br0949's picture
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This is kind of a long story but any advie would be greatly appreciated. My husband and I have been married for 2 years now and I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and he had 2 from a previous marriage as well. Last year we had twins. His kids live with BM about 2 hours away. He has been paying $1200 a month for cs, keeping medical and dental insurance for children, paying $70 a month for life insurance on himself for kids, and driving 2 hours to get children and take them home EVERY WEEKEND now for 6 years since divorce. (BM moved after divorce and parenting plan was established) The set amount was wrong to begin with because husband didn't have money to get lawyer during divorce and just pretty much signed his life away and the cs was based on the fact that she was only making $1000 a month but right before divorce she quit her job and she has a BS in education but since he didn't have a lawyer and any way to fight it he just signed it and paid that amount. She started working again right after everything was done and makes quite a bit more than he does. After we had the twins one year ago my husband put in a request to have child support lowered through the state (TN) and after 4 months of nothing we finally was able to get a lawyer and when she was served papers she tried holding my huband in contempt of court which is BS. She said he was always late getting kids (the only time was if he had to work late) but she didn't mention that for 3 years after the divorce he got his kids an extra day in exchange for him paying $1200 he paid $1000 which is one of the ways he screwed up because it was all verbal and she is saying he owes her back cs now and also holing him in contempt for half of medical bills that insurance didn't pay but she claimed both kids on taxes for last 6 years and he was supposed to claim one in exchange for his half of medical bills. All of this happened in March of this year and had a court date in June but when we received paperwork showing that she was holding him in contempt we sent paperwork back holding her in contempt for the tax situation and a couple of other things as well, so her and her lawyer canceled court date. Here it is 4 months after that court date, a year later after we had twins and still nothing is done. Our lawyer told us to try and negotiate with her and that we would have a better chance because it is a 50 50 shot with the judge, just depending on how he feels, so we could get all or nothing. There is no negotiating with her becasue she doesn't want anything changed. She will not provide us with her income and how much she pays in daycare or medical or anything (even though I know it will all come out eventually) it makes it hard to talk numbers when you don't know them all. She keeps saying that it won't work if cs goes down to what our lawyer has told us that it would based on rough numbers which would be half of what he is paying now, and it is being generous on her income and she refuses to do half of the driving. I guess my questions are: would a judge make her do half of the driving since she is the one who moved (she says she moved before and could have a letter from her parents saying she was living with them, but is some bs)any parent would write a letter for their child saying something like that, but she did move after the divorce? How does the cs work, is it pretty much based on the numbers or can she somehow make him pay more? And how long is this going to take? It has been a year now and we are about to loose our house if something isn't done pretty soon! I have never been though anything like this nor know anyone who has either. Any advice at all would help!

jms1013's picture

I would suggest shopping around for a new lawyer. My DH had a horrible lawyer and after a year and half of not getting anywhere the lawyer withdrew and we had to scramble for a new lawyer. The new lawyer was a blessing and was able to get a lot of things done in which I would have never dreamed from lawyer #1 plus actually explains how things work when my DH has questions. I do know that each state has different rules for CS.

Good luck and I think what you are asking is reasonable.

youngmama1b1g's picture

For us, the support modifications always take at least 4-5 months for a date and god forbid you change the date, itll take up to a year to be heard. However, in our state its all retroactive for payments to the date it was filed. It seems considering all the issues coming up with tax and insurance payments, you'd be better off seeing a judge.
I would weigh the options and tell your lawyer what you want to do. Then make sure he follows through on it. Considering all the paperwork thats been filed, I cant believe your lawyer suggested mediation- thats obviously not going to work. You may want to start looking for a new lawyer.
And his support should def go down as you have 2 new people to take care of!! My husbands was reduced by 20% because our lawyer fought for BMs pay to be calculated at full-time, even though she was only working part-time and because of our new addition. You might be better off seeing the clerk all over again.

br0949's picture

Thanks you guys. The only problem is I think we are suck with this lawyer because he has already been paid and we do not have the money at all to get a new one! It is sad though because my twins will be 1 at the end of the month and papers were done a week after they were born, you know if it would be a situation where husband wasn't paying his cs it would not even come close to taking this much time! I just hate it because it is causing so many problems between me and my husband, last night bm called and said she wasn't willing to do any of the driving and suggested that to cut back on cost and since kids were getting older that he only get them every other weekend, I figured if this would help things move faster and it would save money on gas then y not? But I was informed that I just dont care because I dont care if I see his kids at all! Of course we fought but again no end to it! I understand that he wants to see his kids and its wonderful that he wants to be in their lives but with them living 2 hours away and he wasnt the one who moved and having another family that can barely make it kinda of makes it impossible! I dont know how to make him see that I am on his side and that I am not the one who is trying to keep him from his kids but that when we have 4 other kids that are just as important and are having a hard time providing for them something has to give a little! Why do I have to be seen as the bad person here? I'm not the one who moved and we both wanted kids together, but all of this is really making me feel like his kids from her are all that mater and it is really making me wish that I would have never remarried! I honestly love him with all my heart but I am so lost and confused now!