If the father were here I would tell him that a child needs a place to call home and that splitting a child up between two of them doesn't work. This is being recognized by more and more sociologists as the experiment with 50/50 custody ages along with the children used in the experiment. At the same time a single school near the custodial parents home is the only workable solution.

If the father were here I would tell him to meet with the mother and suggest that the child would be better off if the child stayed at the mothers home and schooled nearby during the school year while visiting on every other weekend with the father.

Then during the summer the girl can stay at the fathers home for whatever time frame is possible, a few weeks to the whole 3 months that school is out.

But few parents consider what is best for the child in these situations so this is unlikely to happen. The best one can hope for is that the judge will recognize these facts and require that the child attend the school nearest the mothers and if father insists that he keep the child every other week then he'll have to provide transportation to and from on a daily basis.

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I wonder if I am the only one who finds it ironic that the parents can't agree on which school the child should attend, but they trust a judge who doesn't know them, doesn't know their child, and probably doesn't know the schools to make this decision for them. CRAZY. People need to grow up.

The reason in most cases the mom gets custody or final say is because moms typically are the ones who take the kid to the doctor, attend parent/teacher meetings, get to know the teachers/admins at the school. Of course we all know those crazy bms but for the most part, the MOM is the one who does all this before the divorce so they are assumed the ones who want to continue handling it. Often this works great until a sm comes into the picture and wants to run the show because she's been taught that the bm is crazy.

Pretty simple to ask the Judge to order the child to attend the better of the two schools and school districts. Research which of the two is better and make that recommendation. The judge will likely go with it since it makes sense and is obviously in the best interest of the child's education.

Good luck.

>I was wondering how will judge decide where the child goes to school? Has anyone had this situation? What are some good points/proof to bring to court?<

This is a tough one, as no two judges are alike.

My SS was registered in his father's district. DW and I wanted to move him into the school in our district. The cards were stacked against us since we were vying for a break in status quo.

I *think* the judge ruled in our favor because we showed the judge that we were better equiped at handling SS's academic needs. We did our research, attended ALL the parent-teacher conferences, etc. SS's father had done none of that. The ONLY argument he brought to court was "SS and his cousin are in the same class. It wouldn't be fair to break them up."

So, me and DW looking like concerned responsible parents who are very involved with SS's education and DW's ex looking like a blithering idiot ended up working out in our favor.

That being said, document, research, document, memorize, and document everything and anything pertaining to SD5's academics. Our Judge didn't care on what *could* happen. He only cared about the child's well being right *NOW* and it was clear to the judge that DW and myself were already extablished as a stable family. You will be challenged on everything you bring to court, including your availability, your willingness to co-parent, how long you have been living in your district, how well you know the school and its faculty, etc.

My best advice is to look into not only the district, but the schools that the child would attend--all the way to high school. I know this from experience. The kids were already in school and BM was challenging the enrollment (and actually took them out of their current district at the end of the school year.) We (DH and I and BM, separately of course) were going to all be moving. BM was really pushing for them to go to school where she was moving to (but she was renting) and DH was concerned as we were buying, and would have to be in the right area for the 'good' schools within the current district (yes, we looked into that before we made an offer.)

DH did research with both districts. On paper, BM's district was better. However, DH didn't stop there. He went to each of the schools, spoke with admin, went on tours, and asked specific questions regarding how they would do things for skid who had an IEP. BM's district had no answers, and didn't seem to care to find them. They didn't have anything to enhance learning for the skid with the IEP. Our district had many insights to how to help skid and gave specific help, even offering to allow us to speak with people who would be making key decisions for skid with IEP. BM did not want to give in and fought it tooth and nail.

The good thing is DH was already the parent who dealt with most school/doctor/extra curriculars. BM wanted to fight it, but she didn't have a let to stand on as she hadn't done any research, visited any schools, or made any effort. She threatened court, but never followed through to fight the current court order. It's a good thing, as DH has had 90-95% of the responsibility when it comes to anything school related. BM doesn't even go to PT conference (never has).

My issue with the 50/50 is that it is unfair to the kids in general. In saying so I do not try to dismiss either of the parents. Each parent is important. I feel like the 50/50 arrangement is justified based on how important each parent is. This is not something to deny. However, something happened to the parents. The union failed. The marriage fell apart. I feel like the 50/50 exchange is trying to replicate the standards that existed in the marriage. But that is false. The marriage failed. SO trying to live like nothing happened is going to be problematic. I have my own situation with a SD8 who is with us 50% of the time, alternating weeks. And it is hard on her. It is hard on us all. Add to the mix a newborn. Do we try to make it work? Ofcourse. But it is like navigating a minefield. Also, I suspect the reason the court system started pushing the 50/50 arrangements is because of the innundation of cases of deadbeat parents. The judicial system is sick of dealing with it. So what they do is make the parents share custody so each end up having to cover expenses. That way it is sorta outta the courts hands. Socially speaking, of the kids welfare, I tend to agree that the shared custody arrangement tends to create problems. Children don't have the stability they crave, they never settle in, they never emotionally invest besides severe attachments that are created by their sense that they will have to change in a couple days. But that isn't saying I don't believe the parents still care. Both parents can love their children, but if the decision is made to divorce without any consideration of what will happen to the kids emotionally, it seems a lil late after the dust settles to force the child to emotionally do what the parents couldn't. I guess, if parents can be so diplomatic for their children after divorce, then why can't they give them that same effort and stay married. But after the marriage fails, the family structure fails. Trying to pretend it still exists is a false standard.

It's based off of where the kids been his/her life. Where he has activities, friends, community relations. Our judge was not favorable to 50/50 because that's what DH and BM were doing since the beginning. But because my DH has owned his house for 4 years and majority of his family from both our and BMs side reside in our parish he granted us primary care, also giving DH the final say in deciding where schooling, doctoring, etc should take place. But obviously BMs opinion is given and listened too.

50/50 may work for some but it doesn't really give the kid a home. They are living in suitcases. And I was told that by a stepchild you suffered from the 50/50 for her whole childhood. But kuddos to those who can work past that and make it work.

While I agree that 50/50 physical custody is not the best for children, I will say that the dad could just as easily have the daughter Monday-Friday and let the mother have weekends.

We were doing this (4/4) before going to court DH and BM and the judge changed that and denied 7/7 because schooling would eventually pose as a problem for us.

Factors that could help is getting the kid already involved in your area. Where most of her family and friends reside. If y'all go to church regularly that can also be mentioned. It's going to based off of where the child is most established and which of the two schools districts provide the better opportunities.

Most SM do the job that some but not all BMs don't do. In my situation this is my second time being a SM. The first go round my ex husband had two children prior to marrying me and having children with me, in that situation my stepdaughter's mother was an excellent mother and her and I agreed on how she should be raised and needless to say this young woman turned out to be a great person and is going to college. Now as for my ex husband's son I had to step in and be a mother and father to him, His mother allowed her boyfriend to beat the child so I had to call Child protection services on the mother and have the child removed from the home. When I took over the child flourished in school and was an honor roll student. But sadly four years after getting the child me and his father couldn't make our marriage work and faught all the time. So I had to file for a divorce and in long run my ex husband lost custody of his son to the Bm because my ex husband is a drunk. I'm now friends with the my ex stepson's mother and the child is not doing so good in school cause she does not provide a stable environment like I did when me and his father were together. Now I'm with someone new and he has a daughter. When I 1st met this little girl she was four years old and did not know how to eat with a fork or spoon she ate with her hands, she also did not know how to wipe herself when she went to the bathroom I had to teach her how to do all of that. Last year she started school in my kids school district cause her mother was living with a friend in my town and there were many times the teacher would send the child's homework home from the week the child was with her mother and had to complete the homework at my house. I also had to teach her how to hold a pencil properly. I found out from my fiancée and several of his family members that this child's BM never pays any attention to the child cause she more wrapped up in jher x-Box or some kind of online virtual video game. I've also found out that now that the child and the BM lives with the BM's parents the BM's parents take care of child not the BM. so sometimes it's in the best interest of the child to go live with the father who has someone there to give the child the attention that she needs. And that's what judges need to look at, who spends time with child and sets good moral values for the child. I'm not saying I'm mother of the year but being a BM and a SM I think I've done a really good job so far parenting both my own children and my step children. Judges also need to take into consideration the school district too cause in my fiancée's situations he shares 50/50 custody with the Bm and she went pull the child out a great scoring school with our state and put her in a poor performing school with the state. I've learned over the years that as a Sm not bow down to the BM's demands too especially if you are BM your own self. cause a lot of BM thinks it's okay to boss around SM when it's not. If you step back and get to learn that SM and see that's she' here to help your child not to harm him or her maybe the BM and SM can come to some common ground. I'm a BM too and I don't make my ex-husband's girlfriend bow down to me. I compromise with them I don't go around demanding things from them. When BM's learn that SM is a good person and can get along it's best for the child too. so with that being said my fiancée is trying to get the courts to place the child back into the the school district here so the child won't suffer acdemicly. and as for 50/50 custody it's works especially for children that are use to seeing there parents on a regular basis. How you going to tell a 5yr old you can't see daddy till the weekend when she's use to going every other week.