Hope for those of you with a sneaky BM or BD
6 years ago my husband and his ex had a court order established that stated he had to pay a certain amount each month, which was to include childcare. Despite telling the judge that it should be paid directly by him to the daycare instead of to BM so that he would be aware of cost changes, the judge made it a mandatory add-on. As he predicted, BM failed to let him know when changes were made or to show him statements when he requested them, and we don't actually know when the youngest fully stopped attending. Fast forward to last year, BM got pissed off because my husband asked for a receipt for something. She took action to enforce the "order," claiming he doesn't pay the full amount. He's been paying her a negotiated amount based on what we know about how much she makes, what he makes, that both households have a new spouse and new child from new marriages, and that the oldest has been out of childcare for five years. Youngest had been out for at least two years-possibly 2.5. The enforcement agency told DH he had to pay x amount, which is was the order said-but the order failed to spell out that childcare was part of that order as a mandatory add on. We requested the court transcripts and low and behold it is spelled out in black and white in multiple cases- and straight from her former lawyer's mouth (lol) that childcare is part of the figure stated in the order. We shared the transcripts with our local agency and let's just say someone is going to be very unpleasantly surprised when they find out how much less they'll be getting. That sure backfired! We may even be taking further action given that we've been paying far more than we needed to for some time-not even because we need it, but to put this narcissist in her place and stop her games. There will be a modification soon based on all the new circumstances and we are fine with whatever amount it is because he is a good dad and he doesn't mind paying to take care of his kids. The issue here was the principle.
Just wanted to share for those of you that might find yourselves with a vague order and a sneaky, greedy BM or BD who doesn't care about the standard of living for their bio kids despite what house they might be at. If you have transcripts that spell out details that aren't in the verbiage of the order, you may be able to save yourself a headache. The transcripts are expensive but not as expensive as not taking action to put narcissistic exes in their place.