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Has anyone actually gotten in trouble for disregarding CO

WwCorgi7's picture

Has anyone ever seen someone firsthand have consequences for not following the court order? I see a lot of stories of  BMs not following the order and nothing seems to happen. Do judges just let it slide most the time? What if it is a repeated thing or just blatant disregard?

DH's ex so far has thrown the whole thing out the window. So far she has cut off all communication from herself and SD, she is hiding all medical information for SD, refuses to update the school because she doesn't want us to get her contact information, she relocated several hours away without notifying anyone or filing a motion to leave ( SD cannot be moved out of the county without permission from judge), and is overall on the run with her.

It took a lot longer to file papers than we anticipated because the lawyer was tracking down 911 calls, CPS reports, and background checks on BM's new husband (drug trafficking, domestic violence, possession of paraphernalia) to include in the motion. He finally tracked down BM as well in a small town several hours away. She basically started a whole new life. She gave up her other kids and refused visitation with them. She just has SD. 

We don't know what to expect when the day arrives. Will she finally be held accountable or just given another warning? Lawyer says 50/50 for sure but not sure what to expect as far as how the judge will see SD's living conditions. She has been living out of backpacks and up until the move, was couch hopping and going back in forth between fights to BM's abusive new husband. 

Does anyone have any experiences or stories similar?


skell76's picture

when she refused to send SD to school, granted it was summer but it was recommended by her therapist to be in a structured educational program for socialization as well.  She paid the fine the afternoon before her sentencing but I do feel we are in the minority of judges actually doing something. 

simifan's picture

BM moved over 400 miles away without notice or permission. ExH took her to court. BM was given the option of: 1. moving back & keeping primary custody, 2. doing all driving for ExH visitation schedule EOWE (5 hours one way), or 3. giving up primary custody & being the NCP long distance schedule with a meeting point halfway. 

Best of Luck to you.

tog redux's picture

To me, someone like this is proving they don't value the relationship with the other parent and should lose custody and get supervised visits and therapy until she can demonstrate that she understands why what she did was wrong.

Instead, they will likely say, "SD wants to be with her mother," and "we don't want to break the mother-child bond" and leave her with BM having primary custody, despite her demonstrating she will harm the child by cutting out the other parent.  Courts really don't seem to understand how damaging and abusive parental alienation is to a child.

WwCorgi7's picture

The judge went off on her for already moving without the situation settled with her other kids. The judge was pissed but since she didn't take the kids she shares with her ex she technically didn't commit a crime is how the judge phrased it. She was chewed her out for it though. We have the same judge for our case as well so I wondering if she will get into trouble since she did take SD.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

This seems like it is almost parental kidnapping, rather than just a violation of provision of the custody order. I would hope their would be a serious consequence for her behavior, but it wouldn't be surprising if she gets away with it.

tog redux's picture

Right. Moving is one thing, but hiding and cutting off contact seems minimally like custodial interference if not kidnapping. 

Rags's picture

We were able to get the court to smack the SpermClan, primarily when they would play games with returning SS on schedule at the end of his SpermClan visitation.  The Judge chewed on them, clarified that their visitation time included the travel time for SS to travel to and from their location and that a visitation began as soon as SS got on the plance and ended when he got off of the plane.  Includding a clarification paragraph added to the CO saying that he had to be returned to my DW at the same time on the last day of visitation that he left for SpermLand on the first day of visitation.  

So, yes. There are Judges out there with the intellect and character to do the right thing and hold a toxic opposition accountable.  They are rare, but the unicorn Judge does exist.

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

It may take several violations before a Judge finally puts the hammer down on a parent.

Unbiased detailed documentation is important. Communication via writing, through lawyers or a mediator is best. 

As far as living conditions go DH can request a home study be conducted by the court to report on living conditions. 

It's a sad state of affairs that father's have to jump through hoops before they are believed. But eventually persistence pays off as long as the evidence is there 

I have two friends who went through this. One got custody and the other the HCBM finally backed off after the judge told her that if he saw her face in his courtroom one more time he was granting BD sole custody.

loveallmygirls's picture

She will continue to get away with this until the father takes action to enforce it. The longer it goes on, the more it is going to look like he was permissive of her actions. He should act sooner rather than later. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

filing contempt in court for BM not following the court order and then results will happen, but then there is also cases like justmakingthebest where they keep filing and BM gets away with everything

My DH's brother on the other hand his BM kept being in contempt and after the 9th time, the judge told her if she's in contempt one more time then he will switch custody on her and guess what he did exactly that. But it took 9 times to make it happen