Extended Weekend visitation, our lawyer takes BM's side!!
So we went to court back in Dec, and our new papers (which still aren't signed yet or filed, our lawyers fault) state that starting Jan 2014. (this was stated in court also, so it makes it effective immediately) Hubby gets to pick up SD from school "at time school is regularly dismissed" and keep her until school resumes, typically monday morning.
So starting in January, Our first Monday morning followed our christmas vacation time with her so we didn't have to worry with the picking up arrangement. But this month was another story. So SD is in preK and we know she only goes til noon, but we are also aware that legally our time doesn't start until "school" is dismissed, not just her class. So Hub sends a message to BM saying he will be there to pick up SD at 3 (we verified time with school) and asked where she will be at. We were being nice, and offering to pick her up at the house or wherever instead of insisting on meeting at the school as the papers actually state. The B**** texts back "excuse me? what makes you think you get her at 3?" Then the arguement was on! It was finally left to the point that both parents were going to contact their attorneys friday to have pick up time clarified.
So hub contacted his, and originally his said for him to be there to pick up SD at 3 as the papers stated because that is what they meant. Then 2 hours later she calls him back and says that his ex isn't agreeing to that and she is insisting on 4pm. and that he just needs to agree to it. or he will have to pay to take it back to court to specify 3 pm. Then she contradicts herself and says that the original papers that say "at time school is dismissed" is suppose to mean 4pm. Hub tried to tell her that he called the school and her school is released at 3. But his lawyer told him and i quote "whats 1 hour? just give it to her" OMFG!!! Hub told her no, 1 hour with his daughter is precious time and he is constantly giving in to her and he is done! His lawyer again told him that if he wanted 3 he would have to take it to court.
After that phone call, I was livid mad!!!!! I called the school once again, clarified that "legally" school released at 3, then requested that they email me a signed statement on a school legal letterhead stating what time school was released.
I then called our lawyer back and told her to be expecting an email from me of the signed statment, that we were done playing nice and giving in to whatever BM wanted. Then our freakin lawyer tried to lie to me and say that the 4 pm would only be temporary until next year when SD went to Kindergarden where she would be at school for a full day. Me already being Livid, immediately caught that lie and told her that even then school would be released at 3, not 4, and there contradicting BM's whole point in court about how awful it was on SD to have too much back and fourth between parents because SD would be going back to BM for 1 hour before going to her father. Finally I flatly said to the lawyer, "we pay you to be our lawyer, there will be a signed statement from the ISD stating release time of school, If they want to continue to agrue about this it will be their place to take it to court to clarify 4 pm, we will not budge on what is legally our time, no matter how little of an amount it is! We will be there to pick up SD at 3 from now on any time the order states. And We are being nice by offering to pick her up at her home, if she continues to make this a problem, we will insist on going exactly by the papers and make her bring her back to the school to drop SD off to us. BM has another kid and they only live a few blocks away, but i know as a mother how much of an inconvience it is to have to load up all the kids just to take 1 a few blocks away. It will be your place to get this to BM's lawyer, and I hope to hear no more of this topic.
on a side note, after this lawyer practically trying to work on BM's side, If it goes back to court we won't be using that same lawyer! I am sick and tired of BM running over my husband and using his niceness against him.
This is what I was thinking
This is what I was thinking too. I mean, if she's in half day kindergarten and is in the morning class, her school would be dismissed at whatever time class is over. I think that there is not a set time because her dismissal times will vary throughout her school years. If they wrote the time specifically for preschool, then the order would have to be changed for each change in dismissal times. The way it says it now takes all of that into account. I would assume that would mean whenever the child is dismissed from school, not the time school is dismissed. Like beaccountable, I would point that out to the attorey, either the actual noon dismissal time, or 3:00 p.m., but definitely not 4:00.
oh yea. our BM is on the dot
oh yea. our BM is on the dot kind of person. We can both be sitting in the parking lot for the exchange 15 min early, but she won't budge the door open until exactly the minute she has to. And once there was a back wreck on the way to the drop off place and we were 2 minutes late, she was calling screaming where the F*** are you!!! crazy wench! I think I might bring that up to the lawyer about the pick up time being at the time the child is dismissed from school, not the time the school is dismissed.... good point.
My reasoning is, if both
My reasoning is, if both parents are already there 15 minutes early (or heck even 5 minutes early) give the kid up! what is 5-15 extra minutes with their parent. Oh yea, that would mean they would have to be nice, and sane.... guess that wouldn't happen..
we are always on time. never
we are always on time. never late! The reason he had sent her the message in the first place is that we live 30 minutes away (she lives in another town) We live in the city and she lives in a small outskirts town. With SD getting out of school at noon there is no telling where she might be. She may be in the city picking up things from the store. Or BM might be working and SD might be at the mechanic shop with her step dad. Timing wasn't really the problem, the problem was where the child would be located at at the time of pick up.
What your DH is asking for is
What your DH is asking for is status quo for most agreements. Just for the reason the exes are not trying to gouge each others eyes out during the kid trade off.
Also, traffic is less to deal with earlier in the day. The best interest of the child is NOT to be sitting in traffic if it can be simply avoided.
If BM won't agree she can drop off the kid at your place at 3. Or, pick up the kid at your place for school. Fair is sometimes equal inconvienence.
This is my take. Over the
This is my take. Over the years, the more you take bm to court the more it will backfire. I think the lawyer was really trying to tell you to be more agreeable. You can talk about going back and fourth to court, but it will get old, your finances drained, and the daughter will end up resenting him for hauling her mom into court so much. She will also change, and resent you as she gets older. I've seen that a lot.
All I can add is I would try to be more reasonable, and remember how young she is. It sounds like a lot of nitpicking, and powerplays which like I said will backfire.
We have only been to court
We have only been to court once since the initial order was placed. Our lawyer was practically taking BM's side and saying "sorry, she's the mom, she gets what she wants or you can pay to take it to court to let the judge decide" when really its all about how the papers are understood. Someone pointed it out perfectly to me yesterday, (in which I went home to my husband and told him and left it up to him to make any further decision), the papers are written as to cover multiple years not just the time being. "school" is defined as any educational based instruction that the child is enrolled in. So it is meaning the grade and school the child is enrolled in, not just the school. So in all correctness, SD is enrolled in pre-k that begins at 8 am - 11am. His papers state that "his time will begin when the child's school is released" Meaning his time should actually start as soon as she is released from school at 11 am, as that is the grade that she is enrolled in.
Absolutely correct IMHO. We
Absolutely correct IMHO. We had this battle when SS was in kindergarten. Our CO provided a 10 day fall visitation for the Sperm Clan until the child started school. In Sperm Land kindergarten was not mandatory. In Texas where we lived it was. They got stupid, we unleashed our awesome then new attorney and they got their asses handed to them.
There is a reason why your CO stipulates "When school is released" rather than stipulating a time. Judges do not want to be involved in the 11:00, 12:00, 1:00, 2:00, 3:00 drama.
Our CO used similar terminology to govern the beginning and end of Sperm Clan's visitation time. "Visitation will begin on the day school is out and end at the same time on the day before school starts". Even with this clear stipulation the idiot Sperm Clan would try to play games with the picking up and returning the Skid for Spring and Winter visitation. Summer was a bit different since the only got 5weeks in the summer.
Anyway, good luck.
I completely agree with that!
I completely agree with that!
We had to fire our first
We had to fire our first family law attorney who like so many that enter family law had to have come from the bottom 10%ers of the legal profession.
These idiot family law attorneys forget that they work for us. Period. Their job is to get what we want or if that is not possible to counsel us and deliver the closest possible outcome to what we want. Like yours, our first attorney regularly advised us to work with the toxic opposition and charged us a fortune to listen to my wife vent over the phone. Our first attorney was a woman. In our experience for some reason the female family law attorneys seem to be all about the group hug and cooperation with the blended family opposition. That is good advice if the opposition is reasonable. However, in our case if cooperation were possible there would be no need for us to have engaged an attorney.
When I had had enough we started the search for a new attorney. We interviewed several before selecting our shark attorney that we have now had on retainer for more than 16 years.
During our first meeting he asked us some very insightful questions.
1. Are you doing this for the best interest of your son or are you doing this to get back at bio dad?
2. This is could be a protracted effort and could cost some money. Are you ready and capable of paying what is required to make this happen in court?
3. If I do not think that what you are trying to accomplish is the right thing or not possible will you consider alternative recommendations that I may make?
I gave him a retainer on the spot. Interestingly once we engaged him as our attorney we never had to use him in court. He handled most of the Sperm Clan drama with written correspondence clearly outlining what they would do and what the consequences would be if they failed to do what we told them to do. There is nothing like informing the opposition that criminal records, divorce records, recorded telephone calls, Private Investigator reports, etc... will be recycled for the community to know about. There is nothing like outlining how you will bare the opposition’s ass in court, in their community and to their friends and extended family to get them to pull their heads out of their asses.
He prepped us for a telephone hearing regarding a CS review but he did not attend or participate. We shredded the idiot Sperm Clan and on several occasions over the years we shredded Sperm Clan idiot attorneys without the help of our shark lawyer. When we needed him he would call the Sperm Clan attorney flavor of the month to give them clarity regarding their clients and the issue would generally just fade away.
If your current attorney is not delivering on your instructions then fire her and find a good one. It worked well for us.