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Ex won’t stop

loveallmygirls's picture
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After some seriously sneaky shenanigans (on her part) and some major headaches that resulted in us getting a lawyer, DH recently signed a stipulation with his ex wife regarding child support and extracurriculars. He pays a set amount each month for extracurriculars. Now she is demanding he pay for half of a very expensive activity that he never agreed with. He has already made it very clear that he will not be paying more than the stipulated amount, and nothing says he has to pay for half of any or all activities. He doesn't agree, period. Now the texts won't stop. Literally she has ignored multiple statements from him that he will not be paying more than the stipulation (because frankly if he gives her a cent more he is setting a precedent that he can, and she takes an inch and stretches it to a mile). Her messages started out trying to sound rational (it's all an act- the woman is a narc to the highest degree in my non-clinical opinion) and have devolved into telling him what a bad father he is and how she sacrifices everything while he basically does nothing (not true- but it's a very long back story). Is there any legal recourse he has to make her stop sending him messages about this? We have tried the silence approach but she hasn't gotten the message. 

Rags's picture

He should cut her off from all communication except through "Our Family Wizard".  Have his attorney approach the court about monitoring BM's crap on OFW and stick to only that documented, court monitored communication.

He is playing her brilliantly with not tolerating her guilting him into expanding the support level he provides.

OFW!  Now!

skell76's picture

BM's frequency of messages reduced along with telling DH what to do. And if he feels the  need to reply always say see the CO, see the decree or whereever the order is on what he pays. We also use if you have any questions please defer to your attorney for assistance in understanding the order. 

 

simifan's picture

Although I like the idea of OFW, most of the time you need it to be court ordered to be effective. It is unlikely a HCBM will agree - even if Dad offers to pay for it. Even then, a lot of HCBM send harrassment via text & lovey dovey messages via OFW.

I would put her text on silent - don't block her you may need these for court. Create an email specifically for custody. Tell her she is harassing him, she is blocked (even though she isn't) & he will get the police involved if necessary. The email is the only thing he will respond to. If it's an emergency - she can leave 1 voice mail & he will call back.

Most likely, she will lose her mind and have a mega toddler tantrum (probably worse then the one she is throwing now). However, its a lot like training a puppy. You ignore bad behavior & reward good behavior. Set a side a time once a day where he checks text and email & documents what he finds. 

Rags's picture

"Toddler tantrum" and "training a puppy." 

ROFL

Unfortunately those in the blended family opposition tend to do what they do on purpose, unlike a puppy that does not yet know better than to pee/poop on the carpet.

While long ago it was learned that rubbing a puppy's nose in the stinky/wet spot on the carpet is not the best way to train a puppy, it is without a doubt the quickest way to get those in the toxic blended family opposition under control.  Grab them by the scruff of the neck, force their nose into their own stench, while swatting them on the ass with a rolled up copy of the CO. Figuratively of course (mostly anyway).

Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

If necessary, do it in court.

Diablo

loveallmygirls's picture

I appreciate all of the thoughtful responses. Looks like we have a few strategies we haven't tried yet that we can put in place. 

Stressed19's picture

Ignore unwanted behaviors. He is obviously responding if she keeps messaging. No one argues and keeps repeating the same thing without any reinforcement. Sometimes you have to treat sn adult like a spoiled brat having a tantrum. Be smarter and if you know the order is clear don't sweatbit!