Does DH have any legal rights? BM makes poor decisions!

Forums:

Hi: I am here to see if someone has been there done that.

My DH has an ex that is like no one I have ever encountered...she is beyond controlling.

So much I can say but to start, she has primary custody (only because she threatened him during negotiations...another story there) - their daughter is 12. SD showed up with a pierced nose a month ago, totally against her father's wishes. The BM allowed it, paid for it and kept it a secret from DH. We refuse to have this poor parenting decision reflected on us so she is welcome, but piercing is not. BM says I'd SD wants a tattoo, she will get her that too... It's one of SO many issues where there is no discussion or coparenting. Another example was she put her house up for sale, but threatened the kids to keep it a secret from their dad. We found the listing in an online site but she didn't even have a sign on her lawn. It was pure deception.

I won't go too far into it, but BM has allowed social media on inappropriate sites, since the SD was 9. We discovered accounts, then found she had at least a dozen men from other countries following her...DH talked to BM to sort this out and shut down the accounts (she had 6 Instagram accounts/tiktok had 2000 strangers following her). She has pics and videos licking her lips, tongue out etc. DH is sick with worry, BM says he is paranoid. DH was 10/11 in those inappropriate pics. BM allows full tech at her house, we allow zero as we see them every other weekend only.

Too many concerns to list. But if DH doesn't have primary custody, does he have any legal leg to stand on? There is blatant parental alienation going on in more ways than I can list. SD is taught that dad's opinions or decisions do not matter, ever.

Let me know if you need more info, but we just don't know who to ask? I said I would try here first.

Thanks!

Unless it's a CPS issue, no,

Unless it's a CPS issue, no, he has no say in what BM allows in her home.

Yeah, figured, but we don't

Yeah, figured, but we don't have to allow her rules in our house. It's a sh*# show...

Thanks

No, you don't - but having no

No, you don't - but having no rules is a great way to alienate a kid from the other parent, who does have some. Not suggesting you abandon all rules, just be prepared for DH to be the "meanie".

He has no say in her home and

He has no say in her home and she isn't required to tell him anything about trying to sell it. The custody order should address when she must infrom him of a move. If it does not impact the custody agreement and she doesn't infrom him in advance it would be worthless to go to court over it because what's the point.

You can have an agreement in the order about major changes to phsyical appearence but if BM has the child the majority of the time and she's not breaking any state laws it's unlikely the court would do anything after the fact.

Same with social media. BM here got the oldest a facebook. We may not approve. If we see any major issues we'll contact the site and report it since she's too young by their site rules. If that's not the case then theirs nothing we can do.

What you're talking about is annoying but you have to prove HARM to the child. Alienation is a fancy word that is thrown around so much right now it's worthless. You can't claim that she's harming the child because she has different rules then your home. You can't say she's hurting your relationship with the kid when she allows things you don't and then you and the kid disagree. Sucks but that's life.

It's illegal here to allow a

It's illegal here to allow a child under 18 to get a tattoo, OP - might want to look that up for your state.

And eh, yes, allowing the kid to be on social media and talk to older men is harming her. And allowing a kid to have no rules and then calling their other parent a meanie for having rules in his home is alienating behavior and that's also harming the child. Allowing any kid to have whatever they want all the time is harmful. We aren't talking about her letting the kid stay up an hour later, we are talking about basic rules and structure, and not putting the kid in danger.

You just can't prove it like you can abuse. And some of us believe in alienation because we've lived it. If you haven't, be thankful.

Well I can promise you that I

Well I can promise you that I DO know what parental alienation is, a different (ex2) story, but that one went to court and we won. Won't get into that, but details were in my former posts. So we can see that there's some sabotage going on here with ex1. We will look up the regulations for body piercing etc. Ps. Mom is trash, so God knows what's coming next...