Divorce/Custody process
My SO and I have been together for almost 2 years, and he has been in the divorce/custody process for the majority of our relationship. Back in March 2017 temporary orders were put in place where we have SD6 Wed pm to Sat pm. BM has her Sat pm to Wed am. Joint custody, cannot take SD6 out of school, and no parent can talk bad about the other. It was also agreed that no child support would be paid on both sides. To delay the process even more, waiting for my SO to graduate college and get a full time job, the BM requested a social worker. In the last year, BM has filed taxes illegally claiming child, received a PI ticket, kept the child up until almost 10 or 11 on a school night and waking her up at 5, child always looks exhausted Mom-wed at school (teacher reports given to the social worker). In the meantime, my SO and I have paid for her medical care, school care, provided for her to basketball, volleyball and gymnastics, and not have talked bad about her BM. Essentially following the rules. My SO and I have stable 8-5 jobs with a corporate company and make almost double what BM makes a year. We lead a steady and healthy life, and we like to do fun things with SD6. BM is a waitress at a coffee house and works very irregular hours causing SD6 to stay up late and wake up almost 3 hrs before school
We received the report back from the social worker, and provided him the above information and more, andhe recommended the schedule stay 50/50 (week on/week off, which is good) but BM get parental and educational rights. He also said the reason the child was so tired during the first half of the school week is because her dad and I do too many activities. However, we drop her off on Sat night, giving her all sat night and Sunday and Sunday night with her BM to get sleep before school.
Im worried that the system will side with the Mom just because she’s the Mom, and because we are successful, we will have to pay her child support. I also feel very down and like we are being punished bc we like to do fun things with SD6. I’ve heard stories from both sides that the court will side full custody with Mom OR da, but has there been any successful 50/50 cases? Also we pay SD6 insurance and school care, do you think they’ll still order us to pay child support? What have been your experiences close to this?
Pre-trial court date is set for May 21, but I am SO ready for this process to be over. It’s crazy that it is taking this long.
If you already have
If you already have established 50/50 custody, and GAL has recommended that as well, it would take a lot for that to be removed. Basically BM would have to prove abuse or neglect or other negative impact on the child.
Same goes for your DH taking that away from BM.
Child support is a different process. Even with 50/50 custody it is possible. In most states there is a calculator. You can punch in all information from both sides and get an idea on what that would be. Basically it is to equal out households, in 50/50 situations. School care will be split based on the percentage of that both are awarded. If your DH makes more he will be required to have a higher percentage. Insurance is usually one parties responsibility, and if your DH is already covering your SD it will probably stay that way. The cost will be factored into his child support requirement.
I am not sure when you say, "but BM get parental and educational rights." I think you may be talking about Legal Custody. That is usually awarded shared by both parents. Meaning both have to agree on all decision making together. Education, Medical, etc. BUT education rights is different. This usually pertains to who has the right to school district. If your SD is already enrolled in BM's school district then you established a pattern. It takes a lot for a judge to pull a child from a school to be entered into another. You would need to prove incompetence or that you could provide a better solution (such as private school, better education, safer environment).
As for the GAL stating the child is tired, this is fluff. The judge only wants to hear what is necessary. They do not entertain ridiculous accusations such as this one.
Honestly, I understand your frustration, but read my response to your other post. You should let your DH handle this and not get involved, unless it will impact YOU negatively.
When you say that you and SO
When you say that you and SO have stable corporate jobs and make almost double what BM does in a year, do you mean each of you makes double, or together you make double? I can't imagine they'll look at anything other than what your SO makes, as you're not married or anything. If he makes double, and custody is 50/50, it would not be surprising if he's ordered to pay child support. You might be able to find an online calculator for your state.
My SO's divorce took 4 months from filing to final order, but he and BM agreed on everything and their state didn't have any big waiting periods. I can't imagine living through a long, drawn out divorce process. Hang in there!
Your income won't be looked
Your income won't be looked at, this is between SO and BM. Even if you were married, your income still won't be factored in. I've been divorced 9 years, have 50/50 week on/week off custody, no CS exchanged and we pay all bills 50/50.
My DH also has 50/50 custody. BM has Mon, Tue. DH has Wed, Thurs and weekends are every other Fri-Sun. DH and BM have an annual look back for child support. Every year they fill out the spreadsheet, hand each other their W-2 and the one who makes more pays the other the difference. This always results in DH paying BM thousands of dollars. But we would rather have it this way because the work sheet (DCF 150) also calculates overnights for each parent. Because BM can't seem to keep a roof over her head, we have them 40-50 more overnights per year than 50/50 and the worksheet takes that into consideration.
AWSOME schedule
WOW your boyfriend has what hundreds of thounsands of dad wished they had. Equal time with their kids.
Lets talk activities....why so many? HOLY moly she is 6. Even at age 16 thats a little much. I tend to agree with the findings of the social worker. Do not over extend a kid...at this point you are.
Having a GAL write a report that goes to BM's lawyer, YOUR lawyer and the Judge that the child is tired does Matter and Gal may decide to recommond a less vergious schedule for this 6 year old child. Do you really want BM' side to slam you on court day OR do you want to fix it now before your giving reasons to question hmmmm maybe child should be sleeping at moms more. Foget what mom does or does not do...this is about all the activities your boyfried THINKS the child needs. pffttt... Judges use GAL reports and they do hold water. Now that you know the social worker reported this----DAD must move towards redusing before the scales are tipped to BM.
Dad can call and say this to Social worker / or GAL maybe both.
Dad--I gave great consideration to your findings about Janes activity plate. I have asked her to pick 1 that is her super favorite...she picked soccer. We withdrew from the others. THANK YOU for that. SHE is so excited...blahh blahhh blahhhh.
Let bm pitch a fit...looks good for you.
OR do nothing and see if the it is brought UP or not.
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Is BM under-employed? Her hours are not rewardable and they too are causeing sleep problem for the child.