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Custody & Access Interview

1dad4kids's picture

DH has his final interview with the C&A interviewer next week, meanwhile SS10 still hasn't had his first (our family). That will be the following week. 

Because of the pandemic in home interviews can't be done so DH has had a phone interview, and SS10 will have a video call interview. I also had a phone interview, it lasted about an hour. 

I am feeling frustrated, how can the interview accurately portray what's in SS10's best interest when she hasn't even been in our home, or BM's home? 

Is anyone else going through this type of interview? 

Thoughts on this process? 

Thumper's picture

Interviews for custody are a huge money grab. I am highly opposed to them.

Unless a parent has felony convictions for child abuse/child neglect under their belt, the child should have equally balanced access to the child.

IF bm has not be formally charged with a crime against the not expect much to change in your case.

Why the order for a custody interview? WHO is the rater and what qualifies this person?



1dad4kids's picture

DH & BM cannot agree on access. They have joint custody but BM wants majority access. They've had 2 pretrials and the first one was to get SS10 used to an increased parenting schedule so that they could move to 50/50 but BM refused at the second pretrial. The pretrial judge and our lawyer agreed a C&A assessment would be best as the outcome of those generally dictates what the judges rule. It is a government appointed interviewer, and it is a free service offered to those going through family court. (Canadian). 

tog redux's picture

So, I think they are different everywhere - but what was done for DH was useless. SS just told them whatever BM told him to say.

Honestly, DH should drop this rather than put SS through this stuff, you can be sure BM is bribing, threatening and terrorizing him.  Give BM 60/40 and be done with it.  BM here near about destroyed SS trying to get what she wanted. DH finally gave in and gave it to her.

1dad4kids's picture

BM isn't interested in 60/40. Right now we have like 27% or some shit and she isn't budging. 

Of course she won't be here for SS10's interview, nor does she know when it is. I'm not concerned about SS10 being biased to his Mom, and the interviewer not seeing through any coaching

tog redux's picture

Yeah, neither were we. You'd be surprised what a determined mother can accomplish.

SS didn't say the same thing when he was with DH - but BM had sneaky ways of getting other info to the evaluator. Don't underestimate her.

Lizzylemon's picture

In my jurisdiction custody evaluations are standard and ordered by the judge in almost every case I am told by our attorney. We had one done last year that cost us thousands of dollars. The evaluator met with us in her office once for 1 hour each and a zoom tour of our house. That produced a 40 page report which was surprisingly accurate. The evaluator that we had was worth the money and was able to accurately assess the situation. 

your attorney should have an evaluator from the court approved list that they like to use so I would go with the attorneys recommendations. We are awaiting our final hearing where the judge is expected to go entirely off the evaluators recommendations. 

I say it's a rackett because it costs thousands of dollars and it's entirely subjective based on the evaluators mood at that time, not necessarily based on facts. Also, It doesn't seem like there is a good way to challenge the findings. You just need to make a good impression and hope for the best basically. 

1dad4kids's picture

Ours is free, thankfully. Although we could have paid $5000 for one. It's handled by a government worker so hopefully she is good at her job. 

Thumper's picture

The courts have reasonable, normal range adults,  thrown OFF KILTER with their bs. Not  you, but "tell us the reason the court believes MY child needs to get used to me, his father, whom he was with from infancy to age xyz"...

 So sorry op that you and DH have to go thru this. Their tactics are insulting.

Think about this for a little while if you are interested, ok?

Your wrote:

The first trial was to get ss 'used' to more time with his dad. 

This kind of garbage happens here in the states too. (churns the case longer) cha ching $$$

What did a typical day look like pre-divorce? Was mom and dad present in the home, minus work schedules?

 OR was dad hunting wild boar in the Amazon for 8, 9 years? Did the child not know his dad? Did mom make a oppsee and say the wrong guy was the Childs dad? Now dh knows his child is his, because he got a leaf from dna??

Custody evals are garbage whether free or not. The child is left with Mom is better than dad or dad is better than mom.

By the way I would love to know the standard your evaluator goes by.

Poor kids, and poor YOU and dh. I am very sorry.

Hang in there ((((HUGS)))))


1dad4kids's picture

DH and BM were never together, SS is the product of a holiday booty call. DH met SS when he was 5 months old and has been active in his life ever since. I've been with DH since SS was 9 months old. 

BM has 3 kids with 3 different Dad's, she married the last one. He is her meal ticket. She doesn't work and he is only home 1 week to 10 days a month, working the remainder. He has 2 kids from a previous relationship and BM takes care of them during his time. 

Going into the C&A interview the pretrial judge assured DH that no judge would rule less access time for him. BM has entered an affidavit saying she will never decrease DH's current access time. So we're safe as far as not moving backward. 

But the opportunity for more time is there, and with virtually no risk to lose our time we'd be foolish not to have it done. 

Fingers crossed for a better than now assessment.