Child Support Review and Contempt
Hi all,
I'm hoping someone can give me some ideas. I apologize in advance for the length of this.
DH lost his job in July. He's been doing some freelance work, but he's not earning as much as he did before. He let the child support people know about losing his job so they filed for a CS review. He gets CS from BM because she earns almost three times what he did at his job. He was a stay at home dad with their kids for 10 years in order to support her career. He also had full custody of the kids initially because BM is an addict who was in and out of rehab multiple times.
BM's response to the child support review was to file for contempt because DH hasn't paid his share of the unreimbursed medical bills. He hasn't paid her since June because he was unemployed and she never submitted any of the bills, receipts, EOBs, etc.
I reviewed the spreadsheet she sent to him each month and pointed out that the only things she's given him are items from 2019 that aren't clear what they are. For example, their son was seeing a therapist who didn't accept insurance. BM scanned a paper that shows links to invoices and shows payments made but doesn't have any info about who that paper was from. Maybe it's from the therapist but maybe she's paying something else.
BM was told in a prior hearing that she's to submit these bills to DH. It's totally on him for giving her any money before this without seeing bills. He's had his head in the sand (or up his ass) when it comes to BM. He still doesn't acknowledge that she was abusive to him, but he's coming around to seeing her for what she is.
There's no legal aid where he lives and we can't afford a lawyer. DH has no money or assets at this point. I have some savings and a house that I'm eventually going to sell, but don't feel like selling it now and using some of the proceeds for his court case is a good idea. I mean, I love him dearly, but I worked my ass off for this house and have my own kids to provide for so I just can't bring myself to throw money at an issue that DH should have dealt with before I came along.
I've prepped him for court with all the evidence to show that BM keeps submitting the same info again and again rather than the bills, etc., she's supposed to submit 30 days after receipt. He also has proof of unemployment and his household expenses vs. income.
I'd love it if the judge says that DH doesn't owe BM because she failed to follow the divorce decree, but I suspect the judge will give her time to submit those bills and expect DH to pay at some point.
Any advice?
Thanks in advance!
My DH went without an
My DH went without an attorney for a CS review. He lost, lol, but I don't think an attorney could have done any better because the money is all cut and dry math. Is your DH going to be nervous and unable to argue his case? If he's able to, he should be fine. Is he trying to get more CS from BM?
I agree though that he will likely have to pay for the medical stuff, though he won't be held in contempt of he agrees to a payment plan of some kind.
Yes...
He's trying to get more CS because circumstances have changed even without his job loss. Their oldest is almost 19 and the girls are almost 13 so BM doesn't need to claim any child care (plus, with DH being home all the time, they could come to his house). I also pay for secondary health insurance for the kids, which BM doesn't want to have figured in. I guess she'd rather continue to pay copays, etc.
I made bullet points for DH for if he gets to talk to the judge to explain why he's not in contempt and it's fairly simple: BM didn't submit any supporting documentation and he doesn't have the ability to pay.
I had him go through the narrative several times to work on his delivery because there were times when he sounded angry. I think he'll do ok.
I am hopeful the judge will throw out some of the stuff. Like BM bills him for half of SS's car insurance each month. DH may have wanted to pay this but he doesn't have the luxury of doing it now.
I'd be shocked if they give
I'd be shocked if they give him more CS and don't just tell him to get a job, though. But I'm shocked they made a woman pay child support in the first place.
I’m not shocked...
Because it's no different than a woman who'd been a stay at home mom for years while the dad climbed the corporate ladder. BM is fortunate enough to be in a field where she makes much more than DH and the calculations say she should be paying three times what she has been. Don't get me wrong -- he needs an income. He's in a tough spot because where he lives, most of the jobs are in the service industry. He and SD are high risk for COVID so working at a fast food job, for example, is a bad idea. If he moves away to get a decent job in his field, he'd only see his kids every other weekend. Freelancing seems to be the best option but it's still a challenge.
It's shocking because the
It's shocking because the courts generally don't see it that way, they are still very mother biased and think men are just wallets.
And honestly, we'd all be up in arms if a BM went to court to get more child support because she didn't want to work. He needs to find a job and not rely on BM to support him. Lots of high-risk people are essential workers and they are still going in to work, because they have to. It's BM's job to support her kid, not him.
Don't mean to be offensive.
I agree with tog. And like
I agree with tog.
And like you mentioned OP, it's like SAHM who raise the children while DH climbs the corporate ladder - well when those couples divorce, the SAHM world is rocked, lifestyle is drastically changed, and she must go out and find a job. That's why being a SAHP is a scary situation - you are left with no job skills, no education, all on the hope you'll be able to continue that lifestyle forever and that's not always the case.
I understand and read where you said that SO lost his job due to COVID? I can emphasize with that because there are so many whose livelihoods have been affected greatly by this damn thing. However, it's still not SO ex's job to support him after they divorced...
You’re absolutely right...
But BM should have been paying the correct amount of CS all along. This isn't to support DH because he doesn't want to get a job -- it's to help support the kids and keep them in a house with food and clothing. He's doing what he can right now to earn a living in an area with few job openings. He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. If he abides by the divorce decree and stays where he is, his chances of obtaining a decent job are slim. It took him 5 years to find the job he just lost and during that time, he worked any job he could find so he's not a lazy man. He's just stuck in a bad area for jobs at the worst time to need one. He's middle aged, high risk (with a high risk kid) and drives a 15 year old car. His only real options for making a decent living are freelance work (which he's doing), a telework job (which he's been applying for) or moving away (which means giving up 50/50 custody). It's a shit situation.
What is the current custody
What is the current custody arrangement? Just curious.
It’s 50/50 now...
Week on, week off.
DH initially had full custody until BM had clear drug tests for 2 years.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to work...
He IS working and continues to look for another full time job. The CS needs to be recalculated because of changes in circumstances anyway. BM has been paying 1/3 of the CS she should have been paying and that's just wrong.
The fact is he lives in an area where there are few jobs and a lot of competition. It would be one thing if he was the only one that was high risk but one of the girls is as well so he needs to think about her.
Honestly if its week on week
Honestly if its week on week off neither parent should be paying the other anything he should 100% pay for things on his time her 100%on her time and medical Bill's split sorry I think all cs should be absolved
But that’s not the way CS works..
In his state or mine. The higher earning parent pays a higher percentage to the care of the kids, just like what would happen in an intact family. It would be one thing if it's a $20k a year difference but $60k to $150k? That's too much of a disparity.
Did your DH have any say in
Did your DH have any say in the therapist the skid was seeing who didn't take insurance? I would think if BM chose that therapist on her own, when there were others available who would take insurance, that should be her bill to pay. So if your DH didn't consent to using that provider, or wasn't consulted, I'd add that to the bullet points.
From what I understand...
SS saw this therapist years ago and then decided he needed to go back. DH thinks he agreed to pay for two visits a month and then SS started going twice a week. DH doesn't have any emails or texts that can confirm what he agreed too though.
To make things more confusing, DH tried to talk to the therapist about insurance and trying to submit invoices to my insurance and because SS is over 18, the therapist couldn't tell him anything. DH asked SS to sign a release for the therapist to discuss the financial stuff and instead SS quit going. It's frustrating.
Sady there is not much anyone
Sadly there is not much anyone can expect from the bottom 10%er morons of the legal profession who dawn the idiot Harry Potter robes and sling the stupid Fisher-Price preschool wooden hammer.
They would not know "the best interests of the kids" if it bit them in the ass.
At leas in my blended family/family law court experience. Even when the good side wins, the robed dipshits seem to get it wrong on many levels.