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Child Support Getting Ugly

Sh64's picture
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My partner has two daughters 8 and 10 with his ex wife. She has been complaining about money since her mother moved away and she had to get her own place. Ex wife still lives locally and has custody of the kids but they do spend time with their father. She has filed child support with the county, claiming my partner has the kids 1.9 days a week and should pay $760 a month. My partner wants the kids more to lower the payment and spend the money on his kids rather than have it go to the ex wife. Since she has them most of the time the county says she can say when he is allowed to spend time with his kids and is refusing to allow more than 28% of the time he recorded for child support claim. Does that sound right? There is no reason why my partner shouldn’t be allowed to see his kids. He’s a loving and enthusiastic father. If he wants to see his kids more he should be able to even if the ex wife has custody? 3 days a week 48% would change child support payments to $300 a month. A big difference and it would only be one more day. If the parent that has the kids the mayority or the time refuses to grant time to the other parent it would become a custody battle and require courts I am presuming? Then a court would have to decide how often each parent is with the kids and what child support is needed? My partner fears courts will always side with the mother and he wouldn’t get to see his kids. But that seems to be what is happening now. What is one your experiences with courts and entitled blood mothers? Is it even worth fighting?

ndc's picture

Courts don't always side with the mother. In my state 50/50 is presumed to be in the best interest of the kids. If your SO has had the kids 50/50 (even without an agreement) and he wants to maintain that for reasons other than reducing CS, he should consult a lawyer to see how your state is and whether he has a good shot if he goes to court.  Status quo helps. Can he show he's been very involved and actually had the kids half the time?

dysfunctionally_blended's picture

CS is based on over nights, determined by a custody order. 

First he needs to modify his CO if he wants more time. If granted he can then request CS reduction. 

But in my opinion, $700 per month for 2 kids isn't high considering he only has custody 1 day a week. 

STaround's picture

So when grandma was providing free child care, did dad got the advantage of that too, and I assume he did not offer to pay? 

BTW, if you polled on this board, people who demanded their DH get 50/50 custody, you would not like the results. 

still learning's picture

I'm wondering if grandma moved away because she got tired of being free childcare? 

If BM allowed SO to have the kids 50/50 but is now reducing it to 1 day a week because she wants support he needs to go to court. What does the CO say? How often is he supposed to have the kids compared to how much he really has them?  Courts will consider the "status quo" meaning doing what has always been done.  SO needs to record all the times he's had the kids, when it changed and why.  What he currently pays, insurance, school costs, etc. 

If he does get 50/50 who will be caring for the kids? Him? a sitter? you?  Consider all the logistics and how things will change if he gets what he wants.  My exH and I have 50/50 but he only exercised it when he his 2nd wife was a SAHM and could care for her kids plus his.  Their marriage ended after 3 years and now he barely sees his kids at all.  

Harry's picture

Tell the court he had 50/50 and wants to keep the 50/50 set up. Then it’s up to the courts to settle all of it. When he has the kids when BM has the kids.  How holidays are split up. Who gets Christmas morning who get Christmas night. Odd years even years.  

This is not new science it’s been being done for years. Just have to get everything in writing so all can follow 

Wrong Way Diva's picture

Did you run the numbers through a calculator for your state or are you just assuming the CS will drop?   Things may have changed since the last time CS was set.   Things like increased income, health insurance, daycare, extra curriculars, etc can affect CS--check the numbers before you take it to court or you could be in for a surprise if CS goes up!!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

My partner wants the kids more to lower the payment…..

You might want to be careful on your wording. If he wants the custody time officially changed to save him money how is BM any different for not wanting it changed to keep the money?

I’m not saying he shouldn’t have more time or that he’s a bad parent but unfortunately his order is allowing this and you will need to go to court. If he was keeping the children 50% of the time then that is what he needs to fight for in the order. Don’t even talk about money. Focus on what the children deserve, which is equal time with their parents.

Sh64's picture

Money is an issue due to BM spending habits. In the past year she has quit her job fined for opening a withdrawal in her 401k got a boob job bought a new car and took the kids to Disneyland then got a lower paying job and buys herself and the kids $60 leggings. And is now petitioning for regular child support payments. The concern is that payments aren’t going to the kids which is why he wants then more so he can spend money on them directly. 

When grandma took care of the kids they spent most of the time with her . There was a verbal agreement custody was 5050 with BM the main custudy. What really gets me angry is now that BM has to make it on her own in the world she is going after anyone for a hand out (her parents and my partners parents and my partner in the form of child support) and teaching the kids to rely on others to take care of you.

Also after 3 years of step mom-ing I have disengaged completely from step mom duties. Even have my own apartment so I wouldn’t be caring for the kids when my partner has them. 

It sounds like the only way to increase from 2 to 3 days with adjusted CS payments would be to either have BM agree herself or go to court. And the danger for court would be bringing up everything from the past and could result in back child support payments since the agreement was verbal. I’m going to look at the financials tonight and see what living would look like with 760 CS payments. Accepting it as just the way it has to be may be what needs to happen.

The shame is that anything my partner wants to do for the kids he wouldn’t be able to outside the two day limit. Geting a new pair of shoes or taking them on vacation to visit his parents. Because he’d be paying BM and if he did these things he’d be just giving her money while child care and needs are being met elsewhere. Just this last week they were off a week for Presidents‘ Day from school. My partners parents came to help with child care so neither had to take time off work. If CS payments were set up then my partner would be paying BM to have his parents watch the kids? That doesn’t make sense. 

twoviewpoints's picture

You really need to forget considering what either set of grandparents do for the skids. Whether it' babysitting on school breaks or them buying their grandchildren shoes, weekend get-aways. Whatever it is, courts will see it as gifts. Grandma babysitting the kiddies on the school break is nothing but a perk where Grandma has too much time on her hands and nothing else to do but see her grands and willingly let the grand's parents take advantage of the situation. Besides, I'm sure the kids loved every minute of being spoiled by granny all week.

Pretty much the same as when the BM freeloaded off her mother. Free sitting, cheaper living arrangements.... but in the courts eye, doesn't mean a thing in the thick of it. These two children have two parents. A mother and a father. Both parents are responsible for financially supporting the kids. Some states even have NCP pay CS when custody is 50/50.

If Dad only has the kids one or two days a week he should be paying CS. Some states count overnights, some states do not. If Dad wants his children more days/nights a week, he is going to have to forget the idea of a verbal agreement and go for a legal binding custody time order. 

He should keep in mind when (if) he does so that multiple additional issues may also be addressed. Things like daycare before/after school,extra curricular activity splits, holiday schedules, summer vacation allotments for each parent blah blah, along with normal routine topics such as medical and health insurance. So if this is all about not having to fork over cash for the time they spend in BM's house, you'll likely be disappointed.

The amount BM is currently going after is peanuts and very common  (under my state's old CS standards your partner would be doling out 27% of his income for monthly CS with the other items I mentioned above on top of the ordered CS. We have since went to a newer guideline taking into consideration both parents income. I seriously doubt your state only does a very simple % of time between homes to come up with the standard. 

 

Thumper's picture

Your boyfriend does not appear to have a court order outlining visitation. Correct?

He is however under court order for child support. Correct?

Bio dad will have to file a motion for more visitation with his kids. Kids benefit from equal time with both parents unless proven unfit. That means dad OR mom is in the clinker for felony child neglect and or child abuse and other felony charges that can be harmful to the child IF the child was visiting. Lets say dad is cooking meth in their house...can be deadly.  Moms a habitual DUI offender---mom cant be trust to be sober while kids visits....those kinds of things.

If dad has a court order for support..I don't understand what your afraid of.

I will say this...you two should know how to stand on your own two feet for child care. I know it can be hard---but,,,,,anything BM can say, she will use it against you. 

Much better to report to the court" When the children are in our care, I have in place an educational,  playful safe and secure environment with staff at their own Elem. School after school program.

Having your parents watch the kids is super nice of them....BUT bm will find a way to counter that. Kids dont know them she may say,,thus begins the costly lawyer arguments. So, nip it in the butt and have a natural familiar after care OR change job hours like many of us have to do.

Next... Read up on States such as KY that have new laws for 50 50 custody...Use terms THEY use for reasons why the kids benefit with both mom and dad equally.

Next...IF dad has not already, stop the exchange of clothing going back and forth between homes. Have your own stash of clothing for the kids. Make Your home, their home. I can almost assure you moms team will say it is to much going back and forth. You need to prove with fact see above about KY,,,that children do best with 2 separate homes with 2 separate dynamics post divorce.

Also, read as much as you can from Dr. Craig Childress. Google his name. There you will find more facted based info about the need and value of 2 parents equally involved in kids lives. FACTS FACTS FACTS,  not emotion. is power.

Be ready for possibly being awarded 50 50 but little to no change in child support amount. Hope for best but do not count on it. Can your family afford having the children inside your home 50percent of the time and still pay BM her full amount maybe higher?

GoodLuck...and I hope things work out ok for you and your boyfriend.

Here is a little gem you should watch about child support. It may help your case.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=196XCAXfqrI