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Changing Custody Question

Snarky's picture

Submitted by Snarky on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 5:55pm

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Family Court

Does anyone have experience with changing custody from EOW to having the SK's for the summer only? My DH and I are looking at this because we are eventually going to move out of state. As of now, we get the SK's EOW and on one night a week. When we move, it will be three states away, so driving back and forth is out of the question. We wanted to take BM to mediation anyway because of her horrible behavior in front of the SK's during drop offs and pick ups, as well as her nasty texts, to set some ground rules. We have recordings, copies of text messages etc.
Is it a good idea to have all the moving plans in place FIRST before bringing them up in mediation? And, what are the chances that, even though she will be uncooperative with any of our requests, that the court agrees to let us have custody during the summer?
Thanks a bunch!!

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 6:24pm

Hi! I don't have court experience as we have been too broke to get attorney and now SD is grown, but - I think it is something to mention and will have some effect on the time you can get, then and now. They will probably want to know why you are moving also.

?? I am sure that did nothing to help LOL! sorry
_________________________________________________________
Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.

William Shakespeare, "Antony and Cleopatra", Act 2 scene 2

Snarky's picture

Submitted by Snarky on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 7:16pm

We are moving because this town is DEAD when it comes to jobs, it's too hot here, and DH is working at landing a more prestigious and well paid position elsewhere. He is going to secure the job first....of course. We will fight tooth and nail for the kids, but I was really wondering what we are up against. Especially since BM makes it her mission to put a wrench in each and every plan we make, we didn't want to mention anything before we absolutely had to.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Yvonne35's picture

Submitted by Yvonne35 on Mon, 08/17/2009 - 10:09pm

If you have joint custody, then biomom can fight the move. But if your DH just has visitation then he can move wherever he wants to.

I'm willing to bet that when you move, you won't have the pick-up/drop off issues or at least not that bad.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Tue, 08/18/2009 - 3:30pm

Frankly its a toss up as to the kid spending the whole summer or just half of it. You guys are moving away. Its your fault that he won't be seeing the kid. You can't expect the court to make things tough on the bio-mother because you decide to up and move. I don't care how valid the problems are that prompted the move. The kid comes first.

If the kid is not important enough for her father to continue to participate in the kids upbringing then you can't expect the court to look favorably on your request.

I don't mean to be nasty about this but that's my experience and opinion.

*********************

There's an exception to everything I say.

Snarky's picture

Submitted by Snarky on Tue, 08/18/2009 - 4:26pm

Job first, then move, he just can't sustain a viable living in this market, especially since he has to pay spousal maintenance and child support. I know the courts don't care about our living expenses etc, and he wants to be able to provide for the kids because their mother refuses to get a job. This way, atleast he can make sure the kids will have provisions.

The court has never been tough on the BM (except when we played a recording of her verbal bashing in court once), and anyway, she wants DH out of "her" kids lives. He can't talk to them, email them, see them....nothing unless it's his turn. He tried very hard to work with the BM and be an active participant in the kids lives; however, she refused any and all suggestions and became so belligerent towards us we had to get a restraining order (she would try to get physical with DH, verbally abuse him in front of the kids, and tail me when I was driving....all with the kids IN the CAR).

But anyway, I appreciate your post, it's not harsh, it's just the reality of the situation. I feel so sad for those kids, they tell me how they are afraid of their mother, and that she smokes pot, but won't tell a sole other than us. We've talked to a lawyer about that and he told us that unless we have specific proof, there's nothing we can do...EVENTHOUGH she is a convicted felon, ugh. Very frustrating!!

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz