BM moving out of State, Cancelling child support
I wanted to seek out advice from SM's that have been through a similar situation. My SO has a bad habit of procrastinating when it comes to important matters so I wanted to seek out information for myself.
Anywho, to make a long story short, BM and her hubby are going to be relocating with the kids 7 hours away out of state due to her hubby gaining employment in said state. BM and my SO have joint custody, but due to their current living conditions and financial situation, he has reluctantly agreed to letting her move out of state under the condition he gets the kids for the summer and holidays, and child support payments be terminated in order to afford to split the travel expenses with BM.
What steps, if any need to be done to ensure that these verbal agreements are followed? If it is agreed upon between the two parents, does the new custody and visitation arrangement need to be presented to a judge? If not, would it be wise to get it in writing? Would she be able to change her mind and come after my SO for back child-support?
Also, his current child support payments are garnished from his check, will that stop automatically when she re-establishes out of state or will he have to go in front of a judge to have the garnishments stop? Does BM have to be present to give her consent?
They are leaving in a little over 2 months and if he has to make a court date to terminate the child support and establish a new custody agreement then he is most certainly running out of time to do so.
Thank you for any and all info in regards to the matter.
They cannot just verbally
They cannot just verbally agree to no more child support, his checks will not stop being garnished without a court order, and it is very doubtful that a judge would agree to no child support at all.
Your DH and his ex are going to have to go through whatever legal channels the state requires. He should be able to find out what those channels are on-line or by calling the courthouse. They may not have to actually go in front of a judge but proper paperwork will need to be filed and approved.
Termination of CS won't
Termination of CS won't happen. Travel cost and schedule for visitation should be legally filed. As should change of custody. Dad could still stay joint legal custody while BM becomes primary physical custodial for example.
Less time with Dad may actually mean higher than current CS depending on your states laws/guidelines. DH needs to speak with an attorney so he understands his legal options and that a modified CO reflecting the move and changes are properly filed.
If this is really going to be
If this is really going to be the deal, it must be in writing.
I also feel like both parents should be supporting their kids but in this situation, I don't know the relative income disparity. Maybe the BM makes tons more and the guy only was paying a minimal amount? I mean, if he was only paying a couple hundred a month because that's all he could afford and the court agreed, and she is moving so far away and travel expenses are going to be prohibitive for him maybe it's OK to do this?
I really hope the conversation didn't involve him saying he wouldn't permit the kids to go unless she dropped CS.. as in blackmailing her.
Believe it or not, it was
Believe it or not, it was actually her idea in the first place to terminate initially, and of course he went with it as a condition because of the drastic difference between their respective incomes. She said she doesn't really need it.
It's not HER money. It is the
It's not HER money. It is the children's money. If she doesn't want it, she should be wise enough to place the CS into a college fund for the kids or 8th grade trip to Washington fund or YMCA Adventure camp, or anything else directly for the children's benefit.
Is your DH sure he wants to
Is your DH sure he wants to make this trade off? It sounds like he is letting her move the children without a fight in order to terminate child support payments. Is not seeing the children on a more regular basis worth it?
Any changes to a current order must be done through the courts. Look it up on the court's website. There will be forms for custody and child support modifications. Follow the instructions. They will need to be filled out and signed by both parties, then submitted to the court. If they both agree, there may not be any need for them to appear before a judge - depends on the court. The judge may just sign off on the new agreements.
Anything verbal or anything in writing that is not done through the courts is worthless.
He's been back and forth
He's been back and forth about the whole thing quite a bit. He really doesn't want to see them less, but BM's hubby is securing a very good job where they are moving and the kids' quality of living is going to be substantially better than what they are currently living in, and will be better than what DH and I could provide.
The parents can agree on
The parents can agree on anything they want. But it needs to be brought in front of a judge to make legal. I am pretty damn sure that no judge is going to let the dad off the hook for CS unless he signs over ALL his parental rights and BM's husband adopts.
In a quick google search, I
In a quick google search, I read where generally, child support cannot be waived by a parent because it belongs to the child. That said, in certain cases, where support might be very minimal it could be awarded as nothing. This might be in a situation where the parents both have substantial custody time and their incomes are fairly equitable. Or where the custodial parent makes a lot more than the NCP..meaning any award might be minimal.
If this ends up being the case and the intent is to not financially disadvantage the guy for their choice to move, maybe the order should really be changed to they pay 100% of the travel costs for visitation?
I kinda had a feeling the
I kinda had a feeling the termination of CP wouldn't pan out like they had planned, but it is good to know that the new custody agreement and visitation should be done through the courts! I thank you for the advice ladies.
Just to add... mom could
Just to add... mom could always agree then petition for support at any time and get it. Not to mention, the state would seek it if she ever applies for assistance.
When my DH paid support, he
When my DH paid support, he just paid it directly to BM. Even though she was high conflict, it was generally between them on timing and variances. I know in the last 6 months of him having to pay support, she kept asking for it early and a he was like 3 months ahead at the end lol!
Things can get awfully complicated when one parent (or their new spouse) has to or has an opportunity that in general is an improvement. In the grand scheme of things, if this situation is better for the kids and everyone, I wouldn't want to step in the way. It sounds like the visitation will be longer in the summers. The only problem there is chock your feet as the kids get older and object from leaving their friends for long periods of time.
Verbal agreements are just
Verbal agreements are just about worthless if one or the other of them gets their panties in a wad and decides to punish the other. Particularly if BM decides she still wants money and decides to nail DH for back support.
You have to get it documented and accepted by the court. Get an attorney and document, document, document.
Living in a nice house and
Living in a nice house and going to a better school does not replace the influence of an involved dad. I'd be filing to prevent her moving them.
My ex (then fiance) was able
My ex (then fiance) was able to stop child support payments by filing his own paperwork with the courts. I drafted the paperwork, they (he and his ex) signed in front of a notary public and it was filed that day. The judge signed off on it, a copy was mailed to CSE, and it was done.
Both parties waived child support, visitation was discussed, holidays split up. It was a very very simple process.