BM deemed unfit one Oldest.. What about youngest?
My SS mother is a heroin addict. She hasn't seen her son(m) in over a year, and calls him about once every two weeks, maybe. She went three months without so much as a text to see how he was doing.
She has too children, "A"-11YR & "M(ss)"-6YR
A is not my hubands child, M is.
Recently, her oldest daughter, "A" testified against her in court. She is eleven years old and begged the judge to grant sole gardian ship to A's grandmother - Bio moms mother. The court granted this, and the mother has legally been deemed unfit in Missouri and is allowed no communication, contact, or visitations with A. --Obviously other things were presented to the courts as well, drug use, arrests, history of domestic.. i could keep going.
My husnand and I's question: Does this help our case? We live in the state of Indiana, and she still lives in MO with no stable place to live, no legal personal transportation, and the places she does stay are places that are full of other drug addicts or "recovering" addicts that never really recover.
Does being deemed unfit to one child help the court decide for the other?
The intention is to eventually adopt M, as he wants nothing to do with his mother. He calls me mom and I have raised him while she destroyed every particle of their relationship that was left after he turned 3. He is now 6, and him and his mother have "communication" very seldomly and he doesn't want to speak to her. We have him talk to her either way and just tell him that if he doesn't want to talk to her then to tell her that and he could get off of the phone. He even refers to my husband and myself as mom and dad while on the phone with her.
Dad has full legal custody and it is shared physical custody with his ex.
DOES THIS UNFIT CALL HELP US?!
It probably does help you in
It probably does help you in terms of keeping full physical custody - are you sure that you don't have things the other way round - that dad has full physical custody (lives with you guys) but shared legal custody? You could probably get an amendment so that she no longer has any real decision making power over the kid. However, it may not help you as much as you'd like in terms of complete termination of parental rights and adoption. Even a heroin addict COULD clean up and become a decent mom.
I don't know how to say this without sounding awful, but I think it's more likely that BM will die than a court will allow for termination of parental rights to allow your adoption of this child.
It certainly wont hurt your
It certainly wont hurt your case.
No, my husband has sole LEGAL
No, my husband has sole LEGAL custody. She has no rights to make any decisions for him in anyway. Judge would not allow her to have any legal grounds because of her questionable decision making skills for herself and her daughter.
It is joint physical, bevause she is supposed to have visitations. She doesn't take them and hasn't since early November of 2017. She has only asked to see him maybe three times since then. No one knows where she is living from day to day, not able to drive, permenemtly revoked for DWI's, still drives anyways and tried to transport him as well when he is there.
Younger One
How sad? Has DH demanded supervised visitation? Has he demanded he be paid child support? Where I live, courts will order even if OP unemployed. This may be the catalyst to get her to to give up parental rights.
We didn't ask for CS in
We didn't ask for CS in initial case becasue we wanted no reason for her to fight for him. No CS, not medical, nothing. She pays nothing monentarily for him. We should have, becasue she didn't bother to show up to court anyways.
Yes, it helps but courts are
Yes, it helps but courts are still not likely to allow you to adopt if BM doesn't want you to. However, she might sign away rights for a fee of some kind paid by you if she is an addict. You would have to call it a child support refund or something like that... but she might.
She deosn't pay child support
She deosn't pay child support of any kind. And her signing her rights away would allow me to adopt either way. and if that happens, then I am adopting.
I am contacting out attorney this week to present everything I have, which is even more than I had last year. ONe way or another, we are protecting this boy. I don't care how it happens, right now. He doesn't want to speek to or see her and bawls anytime he thinks he has to. He is so scared of her it is crazy.
is cps involved?
Was CPS ever involved? If they were, they may help with adoption fees or benefits.
I am in MN but have 'temporary' guardianship of my granddaughter (for the past 3 years!) due to her parents drug issues. I do get a stipend through the county called relative care--I get a little cash and food support and my gd gets health coverage through the state. Adoption is very expensive, especially if the bio-parent fights it. CPS wasn't involved in our most recent case. We have considered adopting but neither parent is really interested in parenting at this time, so we are just leaving things as is.
CPS wasinvolved with the
CPS wasinvolved with the daughter, yes. We pulled the son before that case was started, however we were wuestioned as well as our son by a local rep here in indiana for the case in MO.
We broached the topic of my
We broached the topic of my adoption of my SS when he was young. We also offered to adopt the three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibes by to other baby mamas in response ot the SpermClan crying poor mouth in court about how they could't afford to feed the younger three and pay CS on my SS. Whaaaaaa, cry, cry, cry.
That stopped that line of presentation in court when we called them on it with the adoption offer. They got all but hurt and offended when we offered for me to adopt SS and my bride and I to adopt the younger three in order to free them from paying CS.. Of course that adoption never happened but our offer sure calmed a bunch of their crying and whinning about being poor and how unfare it was that SS got CS while his three younger half sibs went without.
No matter. SS-26 asked me to adopt him when he was 22. We made that happen.
Don't hold your breath to make it happen when they are minors, but ... it can happen when your skids are adults and the blended family opposion can't do shit about it if you can't make it happen sooner.
Well, i'm holdin gmy breath
Well, i'm holdin gmy breath either way. This boy needs pretected. She has never been abusive towards him, yet, but has his sister as well as shattering my husbands knee two years ago after the divorce. She is abusive and careless. She left both children in the car while she went and got high in the middle of knowwhwere. We found this out becasuse the daughter called ME asking what she should do and how to keep ss safe.
Yes it does help you but
Yes it does help you but maybe not as much as you want.
BM is still making an effort, however slim, of keeping in contact with her child. She doesn’t have him physically so she isn’t placing him in the way of harm like with A.
You would have to show how continued phone contact with BM is hurting the child and I don’t think you’ll be able to do that honestly. Sure it’s spotty and that’s not good but she’s not getting on the phone and screaming at him. Of course you could push for supervised visits but it seems like she’s not asking to have him physically anyways.
You can always ask BM if she would give up her rights if you are willing to adopt but the court will be hesitant to terminate them if she doesn’t want to. I know you said she is considered unfit in Missouri and has no contact but were her rights terminated. If not the state has given her room to improve her behavior and fight in the future to get physical / legal custody back. If she has had her rights terminated then yes that helps your case.
One thing to consider though is there are more than a few parents who lose custody of one child completely while retaining custody of the others. Sad stories of how parents will beat, neglect, and abuse one child but for some reason are prefect parents to the others. You’re also dealing with other states.
To sum up I’m not trying to discourage you and it should help but don’t go in thinking it will be easy.
No, my DH has sole legal
No, my DH has sole legal cutody, it is joint physical custody. She has several warrants for her arrest and doesnt request to see him now ask for his visitations.
Mind you, as said prior, she was deemed unfit to her oldest on these same grounds. I have the paperwork from the courts granting that motion and that they are to be legal strangers, and she was "trying" with her as well. The attorney told us last year we had enough then to terminate rights, but we would have to pay wuite a bit for it. If not termination than supervised visits, but as heavy into drugs as she is I'm sure that she won't pay more than a few times to see him.
my DH hasn't demanded child support no, that was one way we knew she would give us custody. She isn't monentarily responsible for him in any way shape or form. We are the sole caregivers and the only ones that pay for anything he needs.
He is seeing a therapist, and the last time the therapist was brought into the case the therapist believed the contact was not good for him. Each time he has contact with her he gets very agressive and angry. Threatend to kill a girl at school with a knife when he had just turned 6 after a visit with her, where she admittedly told us through a text message that she told him it was okay to hurt someone that he didn't like. We were NOT oka with that.
Above and byond all of this, she has admited to our attorney she can not take care of him and his no means or will to find a job to do so. This is precisley why we won't send him there, because we know he isn't taken care of. She had him living in a car for over a month before calling us and telling us she wouldnt take care of him anymore. Didn;t bother to show up to court to fight for him, and has never once shown up to anything important for him.
I keep record of our sons reactions, body language, the ohone number amount of time, wether or not he was interested in talking to her and so on any time they have contact. Attorney told me to do this.
One way or another, We'll figure this out. I'm not giving up on that baby, and hubs and i refuse to have him placed in harms way so she can "claim" she is his mother. I haven't seen her been a mother to this sweet boy in well over 3 years.
I do know this though --- my
I do know this though --- my sister lost rights to 4 of her 6 kids in one state (illinois) and then turned around and lost the other two because of the first case after moving to indiana. From the experience with my ex husband who was forced into supervised visitations for a crime her commited at 19 that was dropped, BM has battery charges, drug charges, illegal weapons charges, stolen vehicles, assault on an officer, and theft. These were all recieved within the last 6 months other than the battery charge against her mother on November of last year.
Indiana Code § 31-19-9-8(a)
Indiana Code § 31-19-9-8(a)(11) – Parent is unfit
If we can prove her unfit, the judge can override her denial. Her being preven unfit in one case helps us with ours, i know that. I'm just not sure to what extent. We will be pullling the therapist in again as well to find out wether or not she thinks it is in his best interest. Quite honestly, she doesn't show up to court for anything. Thats part of the reason she has so many warrants. in 4 different states as of right now, indiana missouri, illinois, and arkansas.
Meaning here in indiana, if she has a warrant and goes to court, she can be arrested. Thats why she didn't bother to show up for court when she had the chance to fight for him. She dind't even come to town.