Bio mom never comes to get SS, and doesn't provide for him at all!
So my husband has 2 boys (SS10 and ss14) with 2 different mothers. SS14 has been living with us full time for almost 4 years now, and his mother sees him occationally; i would say on average 2-3 times a month no over nights. They have had a 50/50 custody agreement for about 8 years that has never been followed because 3 years ago my husband was on night shift and had noone to watch the boys. At this time SS14 lived with his grandparents and with us on the weekends. We just went to court to try and get child support from her because she does not contribute anything at all. At the hearing my husband was pretty much made out to be a piece of shit father that isnt allowing SS to see his mother and isnt forcing him to see his mother, needless to say the hearing was a waste of time. Bio mom has had my husband blocked from any sort of communication for well over a year now and she will just call SS and tell him she is coming to get him without telling my husband and SS fights her about it because for some reason he absolutely does not want to go to her house. We have had many arguments that end up in tears because he does not want to stay with her. He does not have a bed or clothes or friends or anything at her house which I assume is part of the reason he does not want to be there. Everytime my husband has gone to a hearing for custody or child support he has left the courthouse with less than he went in with. He and SS feel like there is nothing that they can do. We cannot afford a lawyer at all and she is still not contributing anything. I feel like my husband has given up and it breaks my heart to see how this affecting my SS. I appriciate any helpful advice.
He needs to leave it alone or
He needs to leave it alone or request a custody change but that would like be hard to get.
The fact of the matter is she is court ordered to have the child half the time. He IS responsible for giving her the child during that time. If she wanted she could go to court and request he be held in contempt for not enforcing the order as it stands.
Now there seem to be valid reasons for the child not wanting to follow the order and he’s old enough for his thoughts to be heard by the court but until the order is changed it is not his choice if he follows it or not.
As long as the order says that there is 50/50 custody it’s unlikely there will be any child support leveled. The fact that the child doesn’t see mom wouldn’t be considered her fault in the courts eyes since dad isn’t aiding in that exchange. They will not remove time when she can say he’s not giving her the child.
My husband took her to court
My husband took her to court to try to get custody of SS and ended up with a scheduled 50/50 agreement, so less time with his son. I understand that there is a court order, but my husband never knows when she is coming to pick him up. She has blocked him from contacting her completely. She does not tell my husband when she plans to pick him up, so there is no way that he can even know that SS is supposed to go there. He never tells him not to go, but the kid is 6 foot tall, he cant pick him up and put him in the car.
Also my husband has 50/50 custody of his other son (different mother) and pays her child support. So yes it happens.
First of all DH needs to be
First of all DH needs to be communicating with BM in some manner, it cant just be her telling SS things. Use our family wizard to communicate or email. Since she had him blocked I would probably make SS hand the phone to dad when she calls or texts. Hes 14 she cant just communicate with him instead of the adults about the schedule.
You have no idea at all why SS doesnt want to go to her house? Or maybe it's that he doesnt want to leave your house for some reason?
Dont make any attempts to go to court without a lawyer. I have a legal background (paralegal not attorney) and a fairly good feel for family court but it's so complicated that I wouldn't be attempting to do anything with a good attorney myself. Plus just having the attorney there makes the judge take you more seriously, especially if it's an attorney that has a good rapport with the judge (my custody attorney was a master at *ss kissing the judge in a way that worked).
I can tell from the post that you guys are clueless about this stuff. And please dont be offended by that because most people dont, and it's not always what seems logical/intuitive that goes over well in court. I'm only saying that because going to court by yourselves is probably only going to make things worse for you.
I'd honestly just ride things out until he turns 18 and do the best you can with what finances you have.
Yeah, I have to agree. If it
Yeah, I have to agree. If it's 50/50 on paper, the kid is refusing to go to her house, DH doesn't give him any consequences for not going, then he, DH, will look like the bad guy here - as if he's alienated the child from BM - which perhaps he has?
Is the kid in therapy to figure out why he doesn't want to go to his mother's? It's not OK for DH to just say, "OK son, you can reject your mother" and go on with life. It's not healthy for the kid to cut her out.
My DH was alienated from his son for 3 years. SS refused to come to our house - DH didn't show up at BM's house for every scheduled visitation after a few months of refusal, and he knew BM would be no help so he didn't talk to her.
Your DH needs to reach out to BM about what's happening here, and he needs to encourage his son to repair his relationship with his mother. He may in fact be alienating his kid from BM unwittingly.
OK--OP, What does the court
OK--OP, What does the court order say about your step son going to his moms house. I know you said she has blocked your husband. Let her..that is her right to decide who she wants to talk to. So what if she doesnt want to talk to her ex.............
Are you telling us that your husband has 50percent physical residental custody of his kids and the moms also have 50percent physical residental custody...right?
Then give her what she wants...NO communication.
IF she calls or IF she comes by for her time with her son...I would suggest let him go with her. Arrange dh's pick UP day and time for return right then and there.
Be sure to hand her on paper the kids school email address and name of teachers he has. She can track it down from there IF she is interested. Also include on that paper any medical updates or changes of doctors.
Totally agree...it is your husband duty to find a way to bridge mom and sons relationship. KIDS do not reject a parent without help...from the other parent.
GoodLuck