You are here

Bio Mom just had baby by another man while still married to my BF

adventures_in_babysitting's picture

Hi there everyone, 

I was just throwing this out here to see if anyone has any experience with this sort of situation. About seven months ago, BF and I found out that BM is pregnant with another man's baby. We sort of saw it coming so weren't exactly shocked. 

My concern is, though, what sort of potential issues might come out now that she's had this new baby? My BF is still legally married to her although they've been separated for over a year. BF has a lawyer on retainer but he's not very good at getting back to him (I don't know why lawyers are so difficult to get ahold of but BF isn't the best about staying in communication with him). So I'm still waiting to hear back about the lawyer's opinion on the next best course of action. 

I'm really concerned because BM is such a habitual liar. We didn't know who had his kids for about eight hours when she went in to delivery and we're pretty sure she was induced, so we know the date was planned ahead of time. 

I know this can vary by state, but any experience with this situation is greatly appreciated. 

ESMOD's picture

If they are legally separated.. then I don't believe that he would have to worry about her automatically assigning his name to the birth certificate.. though I am assuming he would be able to find out if that was the case.. if she tried to do that.  So.. again.. legally separated.. would mean that he wouldn't be on the hook for a child she concieved after that.

BUT.. and this is a huge one... could the child be his?  Could he have had a moment of weakness?  could it have been on the edge of their separation time (before you met?)  If so.. it could be his child.. and he would be obligated to that child.. just like any other bio father would be.

If I were him, I would think that requesting a paternity test to prove he is not the father would be ideal.  But.. if he thinks he might be and doesn't want to be.. maybe just waiting and seeing how she handles it (morally not a great choice.. but that's the "don't poke the bear" option).

so.. either he is the bio father or not.. if they were legally separated and he isn't the bio father.. I would see no way he would have any obligation.  If he is the father.. then he does.. legal separation or not.

Note.. if they were NOT legally separated.. the law could assume paternity is his unless proven otherwise.. another reason to vote for asking for testing in that case.

adventures_in_babysitting's picture

I don't think the baby is his, to be honest. He's never given me a reason to doubt the relationship as far as loyalty goes, but I do agree that a paternity test would still be helpful. I don't know how much of a mess this is going to be with him still technically married to her so I'm trying to mentally prepare and decide if I should bail. I appreciate the input!

AlmostGone834's picture

It's always best to take care of these things ASAP. Your bf needs to speak to a lawyer about getting a court-ordered paternity test. The longer you wait, the less inclined courts are to order one and the more inclined to see him as the legal father (though I'm not sure how a legal separation would affect this situation). He needs to talk to his lawyer immediately.

adventures_in_babysitting's picture

Yeah, that's what I've been thinking needs to happen. I'm really curious what the attorney will say, so I guess I'll have to wait for that. Thank you!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

DNA test and check with his attorney regarding state laws. Your BF should not trust BM and should do what's legally necessary to stay off of the birth certificate and CS for another man’s child. 

adventures_in_babysitting's picture

Sorry I am so late in replying but yes I completely agree! It's still not been resolved lol. 

Thumper's picture

Wait, so BM and your boyfriend----are STILL legally married? Yes?

He will be considered the child's biological father. 

The husband (not divorced yet) is the legal parent of EVERY child born during the marriage. 

This is a question for his attorney.

adventures_in_babysitting's picture

Yeah, unfortunately they're still married on paper. And that was my understanding too, that it's generally considered his baby until you go throught the whole process of establishing paternity. I'm eagerly waiting to see what the attorney says. 

Harry's picture

Unless other man takes legal responsibility for the child,   Or SO must do an DNA test to show the child is not his.  IDK but this must go through the courts. I am sure the DNA testing company must be on a approved list 

This is common today. You are not reinventing the wheel

Notthedoormat's picture

Of mine went through something like this....she couldn't have divorce finalized in our state because she was pregnant....and a paternity was court ordered, despite bio father claiming paternity.  I think the birth certificate listed bio dad per their request,  though.  It was sticky, but our state has some interesting laws around divorce and pregnancy. 

I think a paternity test would be the quickest means to an end of any questions in that depth. And may help hasten the actual divorce. 

adventures_in_babysitting's picture

Sorry for the late reply but thank you for the input. The state we live in I think requires a paternity test too. It's still not been resolved with baby mama's new baby, I'm just baffled at these people. 

Rags's picture

Pregnant by her geriatric Fortune 500 Executive Sugar/Baby daddy.

All 3 of her spawn were born out of wedlock. The eldest and youngest she was pregnant by another man while married.  In fact she got pregnant twice while married to me. She miscarried the first and was knocked up again while we were in front of the Judge for the divorce decree to be signed.

Her second was fathered by Grandpa Sugar/baby daddy who would not marry her.  He did marry her after #2 was born. She was knocked up with her third when Grandpa Sugar/baby daddy kicked her out.  #3 was sired by another cheat buddy.

Blessedly, I did not sully my gene pool with her.


adventures_in_babysitting's picture

That's smart you didn't! I'm not sure how much longer I'll be riding on this rollercoaster, either. The kid's four or five months old and they still aren't divorced or had proper papers signed for paternity or anything.