50/50 custody with Pre-k choice total blow-out
So I'm new to this, but am experiencing a total blowup between both bio-parents. Right now my SD is in a Montessori school (she's 4 and misses the cutoff for kindergarten by 20 days), and will repeat pre-k. The BM does not want to keep her at the current school because of an incident where SD was scratched by another student more than once during various play incidents. The girl is her best friend, and through conversations with SD and her teachers there is no threat by the situation. Any "issues" are basic toddler interactions. The student: teacher ratio is marginally smaller at the Montessori school than the other potential school. BM wants to remove SD from this school to take her to the school by her house, which has excellent ratings, but also teachers with less than a year of experience. It uses traditional methods of teaching and since SD is going to be old for her grade, we are worried that she might become bored with curriculum if she is moved.
The current school is half-way between both bio-parent's commutes, and the other school (public) is out of the way for BF by about 30 min. The potential future public school also does not have before and after care, so it would not work with BF's schedule.... however BM wants to quit her job so that she can take her to school and pick her up every day (knowing that her daughter is right next door and she can be there immediately if there is an incident).... This does not allow BF to interact with SD's teachers, or be involved at her school at all based on his work schedule, and he cannot quit his job. We are also concerned about inconsistencies in SD's schedule. She already doesn't go to school on Tuesdays (the schedule is split but not week-on-week off) which are her mom's days and we've had to deal with issues in behavior like not listening and such on Wednesdays when she does go to school (there were parent teacher conferences about the not listening because it got out of hand). BF takes SD to school every day that he has her and creates the most consistent environment for her that he can with such a schedule.
We are worried that SD won't even end up going to school at all if BM has her way. They agreed on the current, Montessori school, with the idea that SD would be going there consistently, but that's not the case. Sometimes BM doesn't take her at all on her days. Poor SD already gets shuffled back and forth between two VERY different households. BF and BM have tried to communicate about a variety of things but BM seems to agree and then do whatever she was going to do anyway. We certainly need a mediator, and I can provide more (potentially biased from my perspective) details to this situation.... but does anyone have any advice or ideas about outcomes with this situation? Since they have 50/50 legal and physical custody, it doesn't seem right to change the school that the daughter has been in for two years now, and make the situation so that BM gets more time with her (and quits her job...), while making SD's shuttle back and forth even more complicated. Please advise.
Why would BM quit her job?
Why would BM quit her job? That part has me confused.
So that she can stay at home
So that she can stay at home with SD or at least pick her up from school and take her to school. She has an affluent father that can afford to give her money if she doesn't work. We are also worried she'll come back and ask for child support if she quits working, and she currently makes more than BF.
You'd better believe she'll
You'd better believe she'll find any excuse to be a stay-in-bed mom to get on the CS gravy train. In my case the Girhippo (BM) had a degree, albeit plagiarized, and Chef (SO) had no degree, but had vocational abilities.
The Girhippo immediately flopped on her back after spreading her legs to breed. She is still cashing in on the CS gravy train even though she was forced to get a job a few years after the divorce--she makes more money than Chef and is remarried to a well heeled guy.
Sounds familiar. She's
Sounds familiar. She's definitely doing this to get out of working anymore. Despite things looking like she's a caring mother who wants to spend time with her daughter, this is not the case, and everyone involved knows better. It's impossible to show the courts any of the things we've been through just so the BM can get her way. She definitely doesn't put her daughter's well being and growth first when things get too difficult, and she does anything she can to make her own life easier. There's no abuse or anything, but there's horrible parenting that will in no way change any of the custody stuff.
She's done the same thing, and got married to someone she just met who also has a kid. It's all such a mess, and while she has a degree, she's really not intelligent or a great influence. Both parents really should keep their jobs, and there are other schools we can look at between both of them that will be ok with their work situations.
I'm glad you are aware of how sneaky these people can be in order to get money. It wasn't something we realized until after BF and BM had a sit-down about this, and it never came up... We thought about it after the fact, and it's 100% likely that she's going to pull strings to get to that point. I'm sorry you have had to deal with your share of this kind of thing. I wish there was a way to scan people's bodies and pick up on good vibes or something instead of their projected intentions or "social media image." People are awful.
I understand that, but I'm
I understand that, but I'm asking for both of us. He is very concerned about his options, and all parties are very affected by this situation and impending decision.
We're getting to that point.
We're getting to that point. It's much more difficult for us financially; however, and he's considered giving up because of that. He's doing everything he can to provide a loving and consistent environment, but the BM will pull out all of the stops to get her way, and she has no financial cap.
Truancy is how we got full
Truancy is how we got full custody of SS. BM has "Open and liberal visitation as agreed upon by both parties". BM1 was a "stay at home mom" too with no rich Daddy or significant other to support her.
She didn't send SS then 10 to school (missing usually Tuesdays) and the school contacted CPS. The case was founded against her.
School isn't optional once they get into the K-12 system. Let her fall into her lazy schedule and watch it bite her in the butt.
It sucks for SD, but my SS is on the spectrum and the fall out to her nonsense hasn't been that bad at all.
We hope that it doesn't come
We hope that it doesn't come down to that, although we have valid speculations that SD will end up truant once she's in kindergarten. It's absolutely not fair for her, but her BM has enough family money that no matter what happens, it seems she will just throw money at her problems and they go away.
Where would child be
Where would child be attending kindergarten if had not missed cut-off? In my district if the child can pass a pre-test (involves behavior, attention span, educational readiness ect.), cut-off can be appealed and sometimes successfully.
We've thought of that as
We've thought of that as well, and there is a charter school between where both parents live that BF has been hoping to get her into, but thought we'd have another year to think about it (they don't offer pre-k). It would be the best possible option, but pushing SD into kindergarten right now is not necessarily an option. She has fallen behind in reading skills. We're looking into better options between the two households, but this is really dicey.
Get to court and have a Judge
Get to court and have a Judge put it all in a CO. Judges are not big on change without a significant reason and this does not smell like a situation that a Judge would invoke a change regarding.....
DH needs to put his foot down firmly and plant the other firmly on BM's back side over this now before it becomes a major issue down the road.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
Talk to the lawyer and go to
Talk to the lawyer and go to court. Bring up the fact that daughter already misses days when mom is responsible to bring her. It sounds like mom is trying to get more control of the kid which does not seem to be the best thing for her. A judge would most likely support NO CHANGE since the daughter is doing fine right now. Why mess with something that's working.