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Wrong to want a day with just my daughter?

anonymous1306's picture

Submitted by anonymous1306 on Sun, 03/15/2020 - 2:59pm

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General Discussion

As Mother's Day is coming up and my last mothers day was ruined by the CONSTANT tantrums and meltdowns from my partners little girl. I literally came home from a day at the zoo and cried because the day had just been ruined by the kick offs from his 2 year old. Her attitude is pretty much the same a year on in the sense of kicking off if she doesn't get her way. She's even started to speak to my daughter like absolute rubbish, with a disgusting attitude at 3 years old. I want to plan another day out for this mothers day but i know if i do that then my partner will arrange to have his daughter so she can come too. The issue we have is i've been very strict on my 5 year old so tantrums have never been an issue with us (i'm not saying i'm parent of the year, but i think consistency is always key and once i've said something i stick to it - i'd rather have a 2 minute sulk than a brat for life) and I think in public when she kicks off that people judge me (as they assume im the biological mother and why aren't i sorting my child out). Her behaviour makes me really struggle to see her as 'my own' as i don't want to take any claim to a child who acts the way she does, and i don't want to feel this way! Would it be completely out of order to ask him not to have his daughter as i want a stress free day and no tantrums for once? Especially as it's mothers day and why wouldn't her mum want her? 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sun, 03/15/2020 - 3:24pm

It's not wrong at all.  It's never wrong to not want to take an ill behaved child out in public - who in their right mind would want to do that?  If your husband wants his daughter to be able to go along on outings, he should get her behavior under control.  Also, Mother's Day is your special day, and you should not have to spend it with unrelated children if you don't wish to.  Not to mention that SD should be with her own mother on Mother's Day.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sun, 03/15/2020 - 3:56pm

I would instist that his daughter be with her own mother on Mother's Day. If he wants to have her that day, he can do something with her and you can do something with your daughter.

You are NOT his daughter's mother.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Mon, 03/16/2020 - 2:45am

This I-m so happy

Tell him he can have a special day with her on Father's Day and that you won't make him take your daughter for that day Smile

Personally, I can't imagine her own mother letting her go for two Mother's Days running ...

Jcksjj's picture

Submitted by Jcksjj on Sun, 03/15/2020 - 5:10pm

Why would he go out of his way to arrange for her to be with you on mothers day instead of her own mother? That's just weird. 

It IS still developmentally normal at her age to have tantrums though- its not necessarily a parenting issue. If there is parenting issues though yeah, shes probably not gonna develop past them.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Sun, 03/15/2020 - 7:38pm

I'm with the others.  SD should be with HER mother on Mother's day.  If DH tries to arrange for her to go with you, tell him NO, you only want to take your own child.

You said you don't mind sulking for a few minutes, so who cares if DH is the one sulking? SD is not your daughter and you shouldn't have to drag her along to please your DH.  That's just more of the same crap mothers do all the time - taking care of others instead of themselves.