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Would you be offended if your SO told you this??

Bearhugs33's picture

I'm not a mother but my SO has kids from his previous relationship. He told me in the beginning of our relationship that he wanted a baby with me. I got my hopes high and thought I was going to have a family with him. Well, I think he suddenly changed his mind about us having a baby because he told me he needed to rethink about it. I gave up on my pregnancy plans but I told him I really wanted to become a mom of at least one child someday.

Lately my job has been really stressful. I've been working full time with overtime hours during the week. I get home every night and cook for me and my SO even though I'm tired. Well, I've been asked to work 2 Saturdays so I have very litttle time to relax lately. Yesterday I worked from 9 to 3 and when I got home my manager asked if I could do overtime the next couple days again! I told my SO I didn't know what to respond as I was stressed and tired. And he told me: "WOW and this is how you want to become a mom..." As if I'm not allowed to ever be tired or I will be an unfit mother because I'm whining about working too much. I got really offended. So are parents supposed to be extremely stressed out and just pull up with it and never complain? I don't get it. 

simifan's picture

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Backing out of children is a deal breaker. Talking to you like "WOW and this is how you want to become a mom..." should be too. You can do so much better.

Sparkl3s's picture

I read through your old posts. That's a low blow for a guy who is unwilling to pay a fine and get his license so he can see his own kids. Someone that has actual living breathing children and makes choices like that about his life shouldnt be giving you grief. Especially, since you don't have a baby yet you are working taking hours without complaining like I would if I didn't have a child. 

That guy is a leach and if you want children make it happen with someone who supports you in all aspects of your life. Not just the ones that serve him. I hope you charge him rent and split utilities. 

WickedStepmother_'s picture

Wait..what?! The man child doesn't have a license and he's insulting you? Cut him off. This is childish behavior that should not be allowed. I'm not the best when it comes to standing my ground but that sounds like a red flag. 

Stepmama2321's picture

Aren't you supposed to be able to vent to your SO? Aren't they supposed to offer advice, validate your feelings, or simply be a "shoulder to cry on". If SO is making you feel worse when you are venting about being stressed, he's not being a very supportive partner. 

hereiam's picture

All of your posts, so far, say that this is not the relationship for you. He sounds like a jerk, who is only bringing you down.

Find someone who loves and respects you, and wants to have a family with you.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I agree that you should cut this guy loose. His liabilities far outweigh his assets. He's emotionally defective.

Food for thought: some people only respect strength, so being nice gets you nowhere with them. Do you stand up to this guy? Call him out on his bad behavior and draw boundaries with him?

Harry's picture

When you are at the best part of your relationship.  All lollipops and sugar pops .   Ifs only going down hill now.  I DF he lie about having kids. What else is he lieding. about.  If you want kids and don't have them, latter in life you are going to start hating your DH 

When he does things with his kids, having to take the kids to Disney and know that you are missing out on life. When then everything is your fault.  Could not live with BM. But she now the queen and you are paying for her life.  Joint things you must do. School events graduation, weddings. 
Not worth it 

relationshipguru's picture

You know this guy is abusive right ? Do you know why his former relationship didn't work out? 

Thumper's picture

Trust me OP, you do not want a baby with this jerk.

You deserve sooooooooooooo much better.

Kick him out or find a new place for yourself to live.

ndc's picture

That was a low blow, and completely uncalled for. Your SO should be supporting you, not tearing you down and trying to point out reasons for him changing his mind about kids.  (which, btw, I'm willing to bet wasn't what happened - he probably just lied until you were "hooked").

Do yourself a favor and dump him so you can find a man whose goals are more in keeping with your own, and who will treat you better than what you're settling for now.

Peach's picture

Count your lucky stars that you didn't get pregnant and run far away from him.  Find a decent guy.  I will say it again... Find a decent guy.  This one is not a good person.  Decent people are out there.

Picardy III's picture

First red flag: 

"He told me in the beginning of our relationship that he wanted a baby with me."

I get being upfront about whether you do/don't want kids at the start of a relationship, but anyone who says they want a baby *with you* when you barely even know each other yet? Shady.

Winterglow's picture

I've actually heard that as a pretty cheesy pick up line Smile It goes hand in hand with "we would make such beautiful babies (barf). 

I'm telling you, the stuff that barmaids hear... 

usedtobeamajor's picture

Well now you know why mr. perfect is divorced. Run far away from this abusive manipulating a$$hole ASAP. It will only get worse.

newtostep26's picture

Why do you put up with this? It is better to be alone than be with an abuser. It does not matter how good looking, good in bed, etc. the abuser is. Being with someone like this for long enough will tear you down mentally, physically and financially. When they discard you (they will, give it time) you will be a spent husk. There is a reason this guy is divorced. Pay attention.

Iamwoman's picture

You would be better off on your own. If your partner is not 100% supportive, then he isn't a partner. He is just a weight dragging you down.

You posed a question: would I be offended by what he said?

Yes. He is belittling you.

Child rearing is definitely difficult, but to compare it to working overtime is just a$$inine. There is no comparison. 
Be glad you aren't pregnant, and ditch this loser.

Rags's picture

IMHO he was not dogging on you for whining about working. He was likely expressing concern about you wanting to be a mother when you are also working a stressful career.

I would also advise that if you want a baby, have a baby.  But not with this guy. He has polluted your marriage with failed family baggage and apparently does not want a baby with you.  Do not curse yourself or your child by spawning with this guy.

Find a father of quality for your baby who is also a top quality equity life partner for you.

Rockydog's picture

It was a stupid and manipulative thing to say. But, I don't want to judge him at his worst moment. If you brought it up to him and he appologized and acknowledged that it was out of line, that would make it less bad. If he has a history of those kinds of put downs then that is the kind of guy he is. And those kinds of people won't enhance your life. Nor will you be able to enhance his.

caninelover's picture

Horrible.  To me his backing out of that, if it was something I wanted, would be a deal-breaker.  And to say that on top of his 'changing his mind' shows he's an uncaring a-hole.  I agree with others, get out now.

Rags's picture

A promise to breed is not currency that makes for a strong relationship. Particularly when there is so much baggage as evidence of how much of a failure the person making the promise is.

Be wary. Even if this guy changes his mond on having a child with you, do you really want to sully your own gene pool with this participant in a failed family?