Worried about bringing a baby into steplife!
I am married to my DH for 11 months now, but have been with him for 4 years. I have a 7SD. Custody has changed A LOT over this time period. Ultimately, my DH opted for an open adoption with BM and her husband. He still visits with her on a varied schedule, usually a weekend once a month. (This is all very new)
I have a lot of trouble being SM. I still after all of these years haven't accepted SD. We use to visit with her much more frequently. When visitation became less frequent, we finally tied the knot. I was having a lot of doubts, but thought maybe the drama was over and we could carry on a normal life.
My problem is I want nothing to do with SD. I want DH to visit with her on his own terms and stop including me. SD is much closer with me. She follows me around and I feel constantly pressured to keep her entertained. I believe DH is afraid to be alone with her. He has told me it doesn't come naturally to him (he met her later in her life, it was a 1-night stand, very messy) and he wants my help. The problem is I don't want to help.
Now, we're at the point that he says he'll step up and stop putting all this pressure on me. I can't even remember a single time they've done anything together without me. I told him to take her out for the day, just them two.
It gets messier. We would like to have a child together, but DH is very insistent that SD and baby have a sibling relationship. I disagree. Because of the infrequent visitation, I think it would be easier to keep things quieter. I would like to give baby a chance at a "normal" family life and explain things later on. My DH is no longer legally a parent and his visitation could be on his own terms.
I know there's problems on both of our sides. I obviously need to learn to accept her and stop trying to rid her from my family life. And DH needs to step up and actually be responsible. We are holding off on the baby until we can agree on things more. Some days I wonder what I'm even doing in this relationship. I keep trying for something that'll never happen.
Am I wrong for not "holding my DH's hand" through parenting my SD?
Any advice on learning to accept her visits (even as infrequent as they are)?
Am I wrong for wanting to keep SD and baby separate?
Any general advice appreciated!