Working with BM
My husband has 2 young children that live a days travel from us. We've been driving out to spend at least a few hours with the kids a month.
BM has moved on, with a bf and 2 other children. The bf is very intimidating and seems to be very controlling of parenting matters.
My husband is anti-conflict, so he's agreed to spend less time with the children then he's been able to, due to travel and work.
We have all met together and attempted to discuss moving forward, in best interest of the children. This conversation was more about putting the blame on my husband for moving away. Since then, I have had a lengthy conversation with the BM about how my husband wishes to proceed and she appeared to be on the same page... although I wasn't holding my breath on that.
It's happened before, where they both, as parents seem to be heading in the same direction in regards to the children spending time with my husband and I. Then the BM bf calls and my husband is accused of being aggressive (when he doesn't agree) and selfish.
We constantly are being told by BM and her bf, that we need to be a "unit" and show the kids a United front.
That would be great, but I don't see it being possible while things on the other end are confrontational and it's a one way street.
I also don't get to involved in parenting matters. They aren't my kids, I just support my husband in his role as a father.
We are both at a loss on how to communicate with BM and her boyfriend. My husband has been going through the court process, but they are very much pushing for him and BM to work together without going to court.
BM won't communicate with my
BM won't communicate with my husband at all.
Her boyfriend calls my husband to the point of harassment.
Judge has made orders that they go through mediation. She's pushing to have her bf involved, but can't unless I am - and I'm not. Also she isn't obligated to give my husband her phone number at this stage. Judge left it that they can communicate via an app or her bf... she won't do the app
just looking for advice on how my husband can work with this woman, not her controlling bf.
My husband CS is based on his income+time he has with the kids.... they aren't allowing more than 4 hours a day, over a few days a month. That's most of my husband income gone. Then on top of that we have $500+ in expenses to see the kids and paid $20k almost in legal fees. So I'm forking some of these expenses to meet court recommendations and orders. Would really appreciate them both just being decent and working together for kids and not being petty.
All about control
Sounds like it's all about control. They don't really want to work together, they want you to do what they want and they will use blame, shame, and manipulation to try to convince you that you and your DH are the problem.
DH needs to go to court and ask for parenting time and ask for no third party interference. Pretty sure they define unit as under the BM's BF control.
If you moved away from HD kids
You are responsible for all travel and travel cost. Yes you must go to court in BM area, because you moved. If BF is not happy with you deciding when you have nothing better to do, to see SK . It's going to be a time consuming expensive deal.
But understand if you get EOWN. Visitation. You must be able to do that. Not visit in maybe three weeks or four weeks is better. Or five weeks. Just keep all weekends open just in case we want to come
Your DH needs to get his ass
Your DH needs to get his ass to court to get a COd visitation schedule in order to roll it up and beat the shit out of BM and her breeding partner with. If he does not man up this is a lost cause.