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Will it get better with SS13?

icehockey101's picture

2 months... it has gone by way too fast. SS13 went home to BM for the summer. Last year was the first school year he lived here. It was hell. 4 suspensions, multiple detentions, 32 write ups. Not to include the behavior at home (teasing/tormenting the cat & dogs, blaming me for everything, etc). DH is excited about SS coming back and I am dreading it. DH is amazing at discipline, we are on the same page, and he is very understanding of where I am coming from and why I am dreading it. But he is also hoping (and praying) that things are going to change and everything will be hunky dory since SS was able to tell his mom he wanted her to spend time with him and she did!

Does anyone have any positive stories that can help me think that might happen? All I can do is imagine a continuation of the hell we lived the last year... and I am NOT looking forward to it. ANd after knowing him for 8+ years, I just dont know that I see it changing. Sigh. At least I get to go out of town for work next week.

stepintexas's picture

Ditto on the above! I don't know anything else to add that helps you cope. BTW, DH's son was overly affectionate with the animals and it bugged the shit out of them, his continous interaction was weird and he was 15.

icehockey101's picture

Thanks. It is so hard to be positive with everything I have gone through with him. I believe his biggest issue is that he has wanted his mom to be there for him - and until he said something this summer, she never was. He wants me to be his "mom"/act like a mom but then is angry when I am because I am not *his* mom, and she isn't the one doing all the "mom" stuff (if that makes sense). Sigh. I really feel bad for him that she hasn't been there for him. But, I'm tired of being treated like crap because he doesn't want to make her mad or hurt her feelings. And I am very sure that she has PASed him against his dad and me. When we discussed if he was coming back he said yes, but that for High School he is going back to his mom's so she doesn't miss out on him driving, prom, etc.

Orange County Ca's picture

Well only one more year to go. Of course those are the years he should be with a father but if it makes everyone happy lets go for it. Since his greatest problem has been solved, Mom's involved, I see high hopes for improvement.

Try disengaging so you don't step on his image of who is mother and let Dad handle all the discipline. The less involvement you have the less opportunity for him to react negatively.

icehockey101's picture

Well, the decision has been made. DH got home from the airport (2 hours away) and the ride home was miserable. DH talked with SS13 and he said that he wants to move back home to his moms. So, he will leave in 2.5 weeks before school starts there. Flight is booked. Just wish it could have been made before he came all the way back out here - but glad that DH will be getting to spend one on one time with him (our kids start school next week, and I will be gone for work) before he goes back. I'm sure life here will be quieter. Sigh. I feel SOOOOO bad for DH.