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Will I survive this?

marriednlonely's picture

I am a SM to 3 children, husband has custody, have been married for 4 months together for 16 months. Husband was divorced from ex wife for 1 1/2 years befor we met.. The oldest a 19 year old boy, recently moved out because his father "caught" him with a 17 yr old girl alone in the mothers apartment, he now states that he moved out "because he can't stand me", until that day he called me "shared" mommy and claimed to love me so much. The middle child a 14 year old boy claims he loves me more than he loves his own mother but is very moody and treats me like crap when he doesn't get his way or is unhappy. The youngest a 9 year old girl is a hypochondriac who thinks her mother sh*ts ice cream, listens to very little I say, never does what I ask her to do until I've asked her to do it 100 times and only if she is getting something out of it, she loves me but I think is a little jealous of mine and daddy's relationship. If daddy kisses me she has to get one too and will quite often try to get to him first, tries to stand between us so we can't hold hands etc... Husband thinks that the kids should get away with anything right now because ex wife is taking us to court.

Ex wife hates my guts, didn't want husband and divorced him with the intention of being with her married lover (once she was single he didn't want her and I believe he was married too). Ex wife decided she wanted back in once he met me, classic case of I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you. Ex wife breaks into our home periodically, calls social services claiming I am a drug user and burglar, who denies her children basic necessities. Ex would call here every morning for months at 6:00 a.m and again at 9:00 p.m. to talk to the kids even though for over a year she had not visited them and their father had to take them to her work to see her. That is before I came along. Ex wife ambushes us, calls my husband to tell him he is her soulmate and she wants to die in his arms (I can arrange that if he can hold the wench down long enough, haha), this went on for months and months.

Ex wife is $10,000.00 behind in child support, I pay for things the kids need that is half her responsibility, husband won't go after her for reimbursement. We are currently in a contempt issue (she is suing us and I am funding husbands legal bill)because she believes I keep her letters from her children even though only a few have come and the kids got them. She sends one about every other week yet claims she sends 3-4 a week, she thinks I keep the kids from talking on the phone to her because we aren't home sometimes when she calls and is even trying to say I have kept the kids from seeing her, telling her she cannot take them even though I have not spoken to her in almost a year. Her and her attorney are claiming I am a prostitute though there is NOTHING to corroborate this story... Backwoods hick lawyer that is gonna get his a$$ sued if he don't stop!!

The kids want everything and appreciate very little. I aquired some money fromm the sale of my home after we married and the kids want to be paid for everything. I can only get them to do thngs if I agree to pay them.

My 2 sons 16 & 17 have a different set of rules because there is no danger of their father taking custody from me. Everyone here loves each other but is struggling to find their place in the "family".

Husband, oh lord the stories!! I caught him sleeping with ex-wife 4 mos. after we began our intimate relationship, he says he tried to be honest with me by telling me that he and ex had been intimate since the divorce and that he still loved her, he never wanted the divorce. He spent the first few holidays (thanksgiving and christmas) after we began our relationship, with her, leaving me at my home so she could be at his home with her. He seems obsessed with her, looking on line daily to see if her child support case has any changes, bringing her up in every little thing we do because he is afraid she will find out, has even gotten angry at me for talking to the youngest about brushing her teeth, I told her that I had to have a tooth pulled and once it is gone, it is gone. He thought his ex would use that against us. When she would come to the house in the middle of the night he would call the police but tel them not to arrest her. He will not go after her for the money she owes for the things I have paid for (it is in the thousands) because he says he wants her to be in arrears so he has something to hold ver er if she tries to take the kids.

Hubby tells me that I have to let go of my pain from finding out he'd been sleeping with her......On top of all of that our sex life is almost non-existant!!! I'm going nutso!!!!!!

BlueberrysBaby's picture

You caught him SLEEPING WITH HER a year ago and you went on to marry him???

Blueberry's Baby

Susanna's picture

That is all pretty messed up. What is in this situation for you? I would look into counseling for yourself. The counselor will be in your corner and will help you sort it through. There is a lot going on here.

Good luck with this difficult time.

// Susanna

"One breath at a time is an acceptable plan."
Ani DiFranco

Bonus Wife's picture

or Forgive for little things sometimes. This may haunt you forever..
Good luck, hang in there.

Realist's picture

but not mentally. And even then, your situation cannot be good for your health.

Any man who sleeps with his ex-wife when they are with you has no respect for you and he is not over his ex. Any man who brings his ex wife into the new marriage is going to destroy it. You cannot have three people in a marriage - remember how miserable Princess Diana was - with all her wealth and privilege and her husband was still with "the other woman".

I agree with Fearless. Unfortunately - the writing is on the wall - and it's the wall enclosing the "crapper".

Life of your own - that is - lonely and unmarried, is better than lonely and married.

Ask yourself truly - "What am I getting out of this?" Really think about it. Then - FOLLOW YOUR GUT!

Good luck

Realist

marriednlonely's picture

Oh boy, if I do survive this it won't be with my sanity!! The lawyer for my hubby suggested we NOT ask the ex wife for reimbursement of legal fees even though she file this b*llsh*t and agree to everything she's asked for in a proposal presented to us yesterday, stuff she already gets and hubby agreed. I shouldn't have paid for his attorney, wonder how fast he would have asked for legal fees???

Anonymous's picture

Are you sure your husband isn't using you as his gravy train for financial issues? From what you've wrote, you get nothing from him in return...not even respect! If your sex life is non-existant in your opinion, it's mine that he's getting some "strange" somewhere.
Don't be a fool twice.