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Wife upset i wont put stepkids on life insurance

daboywonder2002's picture

i have as the primary- bio kids ages 3 and 9 months, my wife and my mom. Before you ask why i have my mom on the policy. When my brother died 2 years ago, his ex wife was the beneficiary on the policy and lets just say my dad had to pay for the funeral out of pocket. Wife is upset saying i thought you would put stepkids(ss 11 and Dirol on there like you did the bio kids. I said no, some things a mother and father should handle. she goes its not about the money its about the principle. im sick of the whole nonsense.

hereiam's picture

Actually, life insurance IS about money, not so much about principle. She is trying to manipulate you.

Your wife and her ex are responsible for their children, not you.

If I understand correctly, you have your mom on the policy so that you know your funeral will get paid for because your brother's ex did not use his life insurance to pay for his funeral. Isn't there a better way to do that, like a separate burial policy?

Disneyfan's picture

Since your wife is bitching about you not including her kids, I think having your mom on your policy is a smart move.

hippiegirl's picture

My Dh's ex wife's kids are not on my life insurance. Why would they be?
My bio kids and DH. That's it.

twoviewpoints's picture

You've only been married since this last summer. No way should the skids be on this policy. they have a mother and a father. Are the 3yr old and the 9mon old both the biological children with your wife? Or just one of them? If just the 9mon old is then you need to think of the 3yr old separately in this than wife/baby.

You also need to have both primary and secondary options. If your wife were to be killed in a car accident along with you, you don't want the policy being split between the two different sets of kids (yours and skids) even though the skids are not actually listed. and o, it is not disrespectful to your wife to include your mother. This is your policy. Speak with your policy holder and ask which is the best way to be assure you're getting done on the form exactly what it is and the way to best do it. Example, if you have a $250,000 policy vs a $500,000 policy would make a difference as to it's appropriate to include your mother or a sibling to pay for burial expenses and how to go about it (where they would be listed perhaps that would not leave them a full share but a smaller share. Or the holder may suggest a much smaller burial policy that would be in Mom's name only instead (in which case your will should specify that a small burial policy has been provided for your parents to pay your burial cost).

What you must remember is that in leaving Mom money to bury you, that you may also accidently open the door for a major battle between your wife and your parents as to how the funeral shall be. You have a lot to think about and carefully plan before you just sit down and out lines on a line.

Rags's picture

Nope, whoever takes out the policy sets the beneficiaries. End of discussion.

In our case my bride is my sole beneficiary and I am hers. If we co-decease then the Skid is the beneficiary of our insurances and our estate. However, it all goes into trust until he either graduates with a Bachelors degree from a regionally accredited institution or he turns 40 whichever happens first. Our way of parenting from beyond the grave without violating the reasonably strict rules about dead people controlling the lives of live people. I am sure one of our attorney members can speak to the concept far better than I.

When my grandfather passed the estate passed to my grandmother. However, she was suffering from an advancing condition of dementia so my dad split the estate equally between he/mom, and my brother and I. We rotated paying grandmother's bills until she passed 6 years after my ganddad passed. Upon grandmother's passing my brother and I surrendered the 1/3 shares of the estate that we controlled to my dad.

Stormyweather's picture

"Are you saying you have your mom on there just by chance your wife acts like brothers wife and they are in the position to bury another son out of pocket, I understand leaving money to parents to bury you."

If I was your wife, I too would be feeling miffed to be treated like im not to be trusted, based on someone elses pervious experience.

If my H couldn't trust me enough to pay for his burial, I would be questioning why he married me.

As for skids, she needs to take out her own policy as they are her kids, not yours. I wouldn't like it knowing my MIL was on the policy and not me, implying a lack of trust on your part.

Yeah...this leaves a bad taste in my mouth for sure. Sad

onthefence2's picture

I don't know how much life insurance you're talking, but I have a different take on it. I know these days people don't give a rats ass about their parents like families used to. But if your mom (parents divorced?) would need your help financially or otherwise as she ages, I would put her as a priority over even your own very young kids. Someone WILL provide for your children (like their mom!) But who will provide for an older person? way would I put a skid on my policy.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Its your policy. So its your choice. Tell DW to get her own. Steplife is not life a nuclear family. Same rules do not apply any more.