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WHY???? One sided Monster!

Sunlover92's picture

SS just turned 13 and in 8th grade. SS13 is the most rude, Disrespectful, hateful brat to me. By no means SS is a angel to DH BUT no where as Disrespectful as he is to me. I'm not new to SS. I've been in SS's life since he was a toddler. SS's teacher's say he's a thoughtful kind witty kid( big WTF??!? !). With SS's Bratty entitled attitude I would have thought for sure he would be fighting DAILY in school but nope not ONE fight. I am Actually hoping the little bastard would go after someone and get his ass kicked or end up in juvenile detention some where but nope. 

So why is SS such a Respectful rude brat to me? 

tog redux's picture

I'm in the child mental health field, and when kids do well in school and poorly at home, it points to an issue with the family dynamics. In this case, your SS is rude to you because he's allowed to be, and he's allowed to align himself with his father with you on the outs.  If your DH put him in his place as the child, and you in YOUR place as the adult partner, this behavior would stop.

Sunlover92's picture

Ok I was married before and my then SS Loved me and caused no problems. SS as soon as he got old enough 8 or 9 started to be rude and Disrespectful to me. Yes DH does NOT say anything but why did SS even start in the first place that's my real question 

tog redux's picture

Because he has been elevated to the level of an adult by his father, and he sees himself as having more power than you.  And his personality is probably that of a bully. It's all related to the family dynamics - if your DH put him in his place, he would not act this way. It's all about power - he has it all because DH has given it to him.

In your prior marriage, perhaps your SS had a different personality, or your exH didn't allow him to have that power.

Rags's picture

Sigh.  Quit worrying about the why and focus on the what.

STalkers waste so much happiness on the why of their ill behaved StepSpawn, the why of the toxic BM/XH, and the ball-less crap from their partners that they fail to actually confront the crap and do something about it.

Dogmom1321's picture

Good to know! Off topic, but what if kids struggle BOTH at school (academically and socially) but also at BOTH parents houses? Does this point to the child?

tog redux's picture

Yes, then it's more likely to be a mental health/behavioral issue in the child, if both teachers and parents see the same issues. Conversely, some kids just have issues at school and that can be related to the school not managing the child well.