They act this way for the exact same reasons as my skids. You are an interloper. You've stolen someone that they were once able to use and abuse. If you hadn't come along, they would have been able to continue to use and abuse him. Those people aren't worth a second thought. They can like you, or not, it's their prerogative. Try not to let it bug you. If you weren't related by marriage, they're probably not people you would socialize with anyhow.

This exact thing happened to me. My DH was the man of the family for his mother and three sisters, two of which are single and one married to a useless man who couldn't do any house projects. Now all these people were well over 40 years old. DH also did EVERYTHING for lazy, dependent BM and kids. He did both the mother and father roles.

When I met him he was about dead from all this and knew things had to change. The divorce finally went through and we got married right away. (note: I was not the other woman and I did not cause the divorce and BM has admitted this). Well, his sisters got freaky, starting with the oldest who was jealous of us (she even introduced us and DH was her little partner in misery). The entire family took the view that he was going down the drain (yeah right married to a highly intelligent, loving and educated woman with 2 degrees who had raised her own kids to be upstanding adults). In fact, the opposite was true. DH stopped being everyone's little everything and they couldn't handle it.

They were rude to me in public and at family gatherings. Oldest SIL went to his best friends and all the extended family to badmouth us. I got nada as far as joining the family -- MIL (who loves me) cancelled my welcome to the family party because of SIL1. Only DH"s dear uncle gave us a gift (not that we were expecting one but nothing from anyone?). We had eloped and I am so glad. Who wants a bunch of ill-wishers at the feast?

Anyway, it took over a year for things to settle down. DH had to cut off his sisters for a while. We moved far away which helps a lot. It did hurt a lot. We were often very upset and at first, disbelieving, until we analyzed it. SIL1 is a narcissist and you probably have one or two driving the rest along. She did not want me in "her" family and considered even DH's kids as more hers than mine. Blood, you know.

So this situation can make or break you. You and DH need to bond and he needs to make it clear to the freaky bunch that you two are one and if they attack you, they attack him. Then you will be OK.

OH, hell yea, I am dealing with the very same thing.

DH was *whipping-boy* to his x-wife and two daughters all his life.

As soon as we blocked the psycho narcissitic BM from calling us a year ago, the SHTF. The SD's were pissed, the BM was pissed, and the SIL (self-entitled bitch who is PASing the girls away from their dad---the VERY SAME bitch who gave him (DH) a ton of documentation about PAS when he was going through his divorce 6 years ago). She is wrapping herself around his daughters as if she were their mother, embracing all the attention she can get....and all the while, kicking her BIL (my DH) to the curb.

The ONLY person that gets all the nonesense going on is DH's dad, and he is being pinned in the middle because DH's insecure brothers and SIL's are blowing up his phone trying to get him to take sides. They are all acting like a bunch of immature high schoolers. It's pathetic.

I really don't give a shit about all the DH and Wife bashing, but they are chumming up with DH's dauthers and their own children with the rediculous high school drama bashing, and it's just making it practically impossible for my DH to have a relationship with his girls because of it. They refuse contact. And, of course, if DH's family endorses that *we* are the problem and I'm the nut-job, then it's bascially a stamp of approval and justification that the (SD's) are correct in how they feel about dear daddy and his wife.

DH has made attempts to try and get together with his brothers to talk about it and how it is affecting his ability to communicate and re-build his relationship with his girls, and he's still not heard back from them.

I guess it's much easier to blame someone else, than actually take responsibility for your own actions......especially when you are acting like a self-absorbed, entitled adult. God forbid you admit you did anything wrong because then you'll know what an immature shit you are to your brother and his new wife.

REST ASSURED.......it is because you've stepped in and STOPPED the DH abuse from everyone, and YES, they want it back the way it was. You are blocking their attempts to get back to *normal* with him, abusing him verbally, financially, and blackmail.

You are more stable (and I'm sure financially too) than his X, as am I. I can't seem to wrap my head around it either.....the motive for the behavior, knowing GOOD and WELL, (you and I) are MUCH BETTER for DH than the psycho BM EVER was for him. INSECURITY definitely has something to do with it.

I think a lot of it is that with a strong woman backing them up, DHs sometimes grow a backbone and stand up to people in their families that they have allowed to get by with stuff for a long time. You would think a family would be grateful that a DH had such support and love, but often they're resentful of the control they lose.

My MIL is a miserable person and my SIL's are all bizarre in their own ways. I don't know how MIL feels about me because I have managed to only have to spend time with her, maybe, six times in five years because she is such a downer I told DH I am opting out unless it is a large gathering and SD comes so I have someone normal to talk to! SIL's - I have three of them. One I don't have a relationship with at all, not for good or bad, it just is that way. One seems to like me ok but isn't interested. One I am in a long term arguement with. IT DOES still bother me at times, especially holidays. I try to remind myself that DH did not have healthy/normal relationships with MIL or SIL prior to my existing so I am not really the problem, just a good target.

Sounds like all of us are in the same boat, which is why I sought support in the first place. Want to add how truly pathetic it is when siblings interfere with a marriage and parent/child relationships. if the situation was reversed, you can bet they wouldn't put up with it themselves.

Update: SIL1 went through a major humbling (lost license for 3 years - but DH was the drunk yeah right--was ill --sorry about that) but now has a new job and BF (at last!). So now she's all bubbles. DH is glad but still open-eyed. Me, I keep her at arm's length.