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Why does SS do this?

newmommy05's picture

Ss14 loves drama and his BM is full of it. Last night when it was just me and SS he says to me: my mom and dad talk all the time and they have a secret video app that they use to talk because they dont want "anyone" interfering aka me.

I tried not to look like i care but it was so infuriating. 

1. They broke up 12 years ago

2. They were never married nor did they have a great relationship 

3. DH would not ever video call BM for no reason. He only talks to her pertaining to SS but she tries to rope him into her personal drama.

I dont know if BM is feeding SS with these lies or SS is trying to get on my nerves. It could be both. 

strugglingSM's picture

He would never claim DH and BM we’re secretly talking because it’s obvious to everyone that they hate one another, but he does try to cause drama.

He’s usually trying to get DH to interact with BM, which usually means he texts BM to complain about something DH did (usually if DH tries to parent him), knowing that BM will then send DH a flurry of angry texts and then SS can complain to DH that he’s not responding to BM’s texts. Now both SSs are banned from bringing their phones to our house.

The other thing SS does is to try to remind DH that BM exists or try to get DH to compliment BM. He will tell stories - that are not true - about BM and wait for DH to be impressed by her. Like bragging about how BM got a raise or a new car. DH typically ignores him.

Much of this comes from BM who loves to share “secrets” with SS. For example, she told SS a “secret” about how DH caused their divorce. She’s gross and histrionic and is creating SS in her likeness.

Maxwell09's picture

Why is he doing it? Easy, to create discord between you and your DH and to lie to both you and himself that his mom and dad have a relationship that they really don't have. He is making a narrative because like most children of divorce he fantasizes his parents getting back together and living happily ever after ESPECIALLY if they separated when he was too young to remember the fighting and discord. 

The harder part is "How do I get him to stop?" You could act like you don't care, but that usually ends up with him getting more creative. You could tell his dad, but again eventually daddyyy wll get tired of you being paranoid and so insecure about BM that you're blaming your skid. The best thing I can tell you to do is to tell your DH that you are worried SS is upset that his parents aren't together, tell him that he claims your SO has an app on his phone to vidoe chat BM and you think the best thing to do is to talk to him together, show him the phone and ask him if he can show you the app. Obviously he won't be able too (because hopefully he is lying) and then your DH can tell him that he probably misunderstood BM when she said it was DH. 

marblefawn's picture

Do you ever fantasize about replying, "They use that app because they are planning to send you to military school in Alaska, but I probably shouldn't have said anything. I think they wanted it to be a surprise."

Rags's picture

Why do you care why SS does it? That he does it is the issue. Why doesn't matter.

Time for full disclosure with DH.  Tell him what SS has said and ask him directly if there is a secret video app.

Then when SS pulls his crap immediately call DH and have SS speak to him with you there providing structure so that neither of them can bullshit their way out of it.

 

newmommy05's picture

DH knows SS lies. I also told him what SS said as soon as he came home with sS present. Dh was furious that SS would make up something like that. SS tries to back track and says he doesnt know why BM lies to him. 

Notup4it's picture

It probably is BM fibbing to him.... I would be willing to bet on it. Parents can have such an influence on their kids minds, and how they behave and I think that is what is going on here. BM most likely told Ss about this app and eluded to there being more to it and tried to make like it was funny that you didn’t know, etc etc.. 

Why she did that? Either she knew he would say something and get a rise out of you, or she just was saying it because that is what she truly wants to believe. 

The kid is getting it from somewhere...