Why are Single Moms so bad but Single fathers are so great?
I've been seeing a lot of stuff on YouTube by a large group of men. They seem to be really hateful toward women especially single/divorced moms.
All the red flags they talk about with single mothers I have experienced with my husband. 8 years in and the only thing that has changed is that SD got older and wants to be with her friends more.
They sit talk about how horrible single mothers are and don't date them but then go on to say how single fathers are "not like that" Honestly I see no difference. There's not a lot of warnings about dating single dads and it's actually encouraged. I feel I into the trap of feeling bad for my husband and feeling guilty for actually wanting to have time with him. I felt bad about saying no to being a free babysitter while his Ex drank herself silly and he worked. I had to take second place and put up with not having any of my needs met because if I said anything I was a selfish b&tch. It was embedded in my head that I needed to do these things. When a woman turns down a single father she is selfish and shamed, but when a man turns down a single mother he gets a high five and praise. I don't understand it.
Stepfathers are seen as hero's while stepmothers are seen as evil. Why is it like that?
It kind of makes things really depressing. What are your thoughts on this.
I meant to say I fell into
I meant to say I fell into the trap. Typo after I posted
I think it's men feeling
I think it's men feeling emasculated by their own insecurities that a woman didn't want them. Or it might just be they are completely immature a$$holes. It could also be that many of the BM's they are finding are the same GUBM's we come on here to complain about.
As sad as it is, this is
As sad as it is, this is actually a thing. There is something emasculating about being dumped by a wife. Particularly for men who were all in on their marriage. Fortunately... at least for me.... I was smart enough to recognize that her lack of character and morals were not my fault nor were they my problem.
Losing a wife to another man, or in my case, a loooooooonnnnnnggggggg list of other men is earth shaking enough. My GrandDad had a friend who lost his wife to a woman. That guy was F'd up beyond measure over that. He did land on his feet with an amazing new wife and they are to this day very happy. Nearly 30 years after his wife flipped the script on him.
I am sure it is no less devastating for a woman to lose her DH to another momen, or to a man for that matter.
The expectation of parenting
The expectation of parenting roles are still far too traditional for the rate of divorce. Women are still seen as the primary parent. Second wives often get trapped in that role & are supposed to "love them like your own" including babysitting, paying for, and anything else the father doesn't want to be the bad guy for. Second husbands are still seen as the breadwinners. If they work and maintain the household, something most would do whether there were children or not, they are successful.
Women are seen as being
Women are seen as being instinctually maternal. Being a single mom is expected if they are no longer with the father. If they are a single mom to unruly kids, then they are not only a sucky mom, but a sucky woman, too. Toss in how having a kid means you had sex, and being female with a former sex life makes you a wh*re, and it's easy to see why single moms are vilified.
Men, however, aren't expected to be equal/good parents. They aren't "built" that way. So, if you are a single dad who takes even minimum visitation, you're a "good dad" because you could have just been a deadbeat, which seems to be the standard. If you're a single dad with 50/50 or primary custody? You're Father of the Year and BM must be very, very awful.
Basically, it's taking very broad strokes across both men and women and making judgments based on that. Personal opinion, too, is some men are not happy that women are making great strides toward being independent from men. It's a double-edged sword: these particular men want a woman they can control, but want her to have her own assets. Very few women who can handle their own life want someone who is going to dictate what they should/can do, and that makes these men very grump.
From what i've seen most men
From what i've seen most men online bashing single mothers are these "red pill" guys who are bitter about women in general. They tend to be misogynists and the things they complain about can definitely apply to men, but they won't see it.
The double standard about single moms vs single dads really pisses me off, though. Moms vs dads period, really, even married. A mom is judged if the kids don't look well-groomed, if everything for school isn't perfectly in order, their behavior is bad, pretty much anything. A dad gets high praise for simply keeping a child alive for any length of time. I'm not usually one to talk about gender bias, but it does exist. Women are expected to do all this and often bring home as much or more money as men. It's crap, really!
Yes the "red pill" community.
Yes the "red pill" community. I have watched many of their videos and it's really depressing. I'm all for gender roles and that the sex's are different and we need each other but what they are saying makes me sick to my stomach. I have no problem staying home with kids and keeping up the house but it is true that over the years I've been expected to care for my kids. care for his kid, take care of the house, take care of my husbands needs, stay thin and make a bunch of money. This is what's expected of us and yea because I've been less then perfect let's just say there's members of my husbands family I refuse to be around.
These guys, i think, really
These guys, i think, really want a relationship but they are socially awkward and get rejected by women, so they try to convince themselves women suck.
If men want women who keep
If men want women who keep the kids and house and themselves spotless and presentable, then they need to make sure they're making enough money to support that AND keeping themselves in tip-top shape.
I personally despise gender roles because I don't see the point. But some like them, which is fine. But if a man is going to nitpick your wife over them, then he needs to be equally nitpicking himself.
I have some male family members who feel they are owed a hot wife, clean house, and quiet kids. Maybe if they made more than $15/hr and did a little cardio from time to time, they could have that.