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wicked stepmother9's picture

I have been raising my own kids for 15 yrs and skids for 8 looonnnggg years of it... It has been awful and continues to be a nightmare! I have lost sight of why we have children...stepchildren?? What is the purpose?
To have them for friends?
To bust your ass trying to get them to graduate and care about their own future?
Help me remember!!!

PeanutandSons's picture

Same here, I used to want to adopt, and now no way.

If I hadn't been pregnant with my first bio when I was, I think I'd have decided not to have kids. The step experiance is so different from your own kids. I want to do things with my son, I enjoy taking him places and doing things with him, it makes me feel good to buy him things. It feels like an obligation and an imposition to do those same things for the step kids.

I'm sure a lot of that has to do with their attitudes, and Dh attitude. But none of them appreciate any of it, they just expect it and get attitude that it wasn't more. Where as my bioson thinks I hung the moon and stars just for him.

Superstopmommy's picture

I ask myself that all the time? Is it to have more family at holidays? Being a Mom is an unappreciated job ~ so why oh why do we do it to ourselves?

youngmama1b1g's picture

It is "worth it"

But those worth it moments are just that moments- nothing substantial. It's that smile when they open up the gift you got them or telling someone else about something you told them. The very frequent hugs or miss yous. Like I said moments.

Usually its just madness though! lol

PeanutandSons's picture

It's a lot like relationships. Some are horrible and you are miserable.... Just looking for the good moments. And some are fantastic and complete you as a person. Some parents just do what they can to get through the day with the kids (bio or step) and some adore every moment of it. It's a combanation of the kids personality and behavior, and the parents personality.

For me, the stepkids are like a disfunctional relationship. It's trying most of the times with a few (very fee lately) bright spots that make you feel like its worth it. My bio son, however, its like being in the best relationship. I honestly enjoy him all the time. Even when he's being a lol brat (ask all 2 yr olds are apt to do) I still love being with him and doing for him. Last night, for example, bs has been sick and he was up all night long. But I actually enjoyed tending to him. Yeah I am tired as shit right now, but it didn't feel like an imposition. I enjoy all those things that piss me off about tending to the skids.

But I also know people who feel about thier own kids how I feel about tending to the stepkids. But just cause you don't like being a sm, doesn't mean you'll feel the same about having your own.

unsure99's picture

I loved being a mother to my son. He is the best thing I ever did with my life. He is mature, works hard, a good husband and father. I was not the perfect mother but when I look at him I feel like I did something right.

Now being a SM is another question all together. I look at the BM and the two grown kids she has and I wonder what the hell she is doing with SD13. She don't get along with her two older ones that much, they all just use each other for whatever they need at the moment because that is what the BM does. I loved being a mother but not to crazy about the SM thing. Of course since the SD objective in life is have her daddy all to herself makes it hard to like her.