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Who here enjoys spending time with their skids?

caitlinj's picture

who here enjoys spending time with and doing things as a family with their skids? Why or why not do you enjoy it or not enjoy it? WHat are the reasons?

pwoodlson's picture

I used to enjoy doing certain activities with my stepkids when they were younger but not anymore. Their attitudes have changed and they have gotten very whhiney, spoiled and unappreciative plus I am rarely ever offered any reimbursement  for their activities. Who wants to spend their hard earned money and time off on an unenjoyable experience? Also afterwards they always complain to their bio dad about something for one reason or another. I'm very nice to these kids so I just don't get it. I try hard. It's a waste of time.

Chmmy's picture

Do I hear crickets chirping?

tog redux's picture

I used to really enjoy SS when he was younger. He's never been rude to me and used to like me very much.  He was totally alienated at age 15 and now, at 19, even though I have had recent contact with him, he's nothing to me anymore.  He's still pleasant to me, but he's just a shell of a person, BM's puppet. Not even DH enjoys time with him now, really, when he actually gets time with him.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Most of the time, I dont mind SD12 being around.  She is usually quiet and respectful.  The problems start when she returns from a holiday with BM.  For the first 2-3 weeks after coming back, she is a whiny crybaby.  During those times, I just stay away from her.

Jcksjj's picture

When I first met DH I did honestly pretty much instantly find SD to be obnoxious and snotty herself, however I did like that my son had a kid the same age to play with.  That feeling didnt last very long though since she has never been very kind to him. I pretty much avoid taking her anywhere or doing anything with her altogether now after years of snotty attitude, constant lying and refusing to listen, sticking her nose up in the air at any attempts I make to do or buy anything for her and never ending "my mommy is better because." Family things she spends the whole time flirting with her dad and trying to be the only one getting attention from him the whole time. It ends up feeling like it's just her and him there and the rest of us are unwelcome 3rd wheels. 

Avarose90's picture

i use to enjoy it, and today enjoyed doing some baking with SD. But today has made me realise at the age of 11, she can’t really do anything for herself and that makes it harder! 

georgina29's picture

I used to enjoy spending time with SD. She is a very nice kid. She is usually polite and welcoming. However after she spends time with BM she is different. She is very whiney and rude during the week that follows. SS has always been a manipulative troublemaker who pits people against one another. He tries to rule the house, is lazy, doesn't listen, and lies a lot. I don't trust him. I tolerate him but I honestly don't like him. I'm nice to both of them regardless but saying I enjoy my time with them is a stretch. 

CLove's picture

Munchkin SD12 and I have always enjoyed each others company. She is an early developing tween, so lately she has been moody. She used to be MORE fun, but lately has been saying shes bored at this and that, so I dont go out of my way to take her to things. We are much more fun than her mother - she has her bunny there and a bunny here, but we have more pets and more space for her to do her drawing and art and just her thing.

We have had some great conversations, and there have been times that I feel that she is trying to compete with me for her fathers attention.

I have been watching her more closely now that I have read up here - and I find myself being really annoyed with her the first few days after her being with her mother. The last 3 days of her stay with us are always best - we get close and she will tell me she loves me. This weekend started with her being argumentative, and closed and not talking. I asked her what was wrong and she just said she was tired. I wonder how much of that is dealing with Toxic Troll and her sister who also lives there, Toxic Feral Eldest. She maneuvers pretty well between the 2 households, so Im certain it takes the energy out of her.

She loves attention, and I have given her a lot - and she seems to benefit, and really look to me. We will see how long that lasts! This past weekend was really nice - we all did our own thing, and she left not really wanting to leave...lol.

When her sister was living with us - I did not enjoy that at all. Even when we were friendly, she was like a wet noodle, and the conversation didnt have even half the depth. And she is 7 years older!

Lndsy747's picture

When I first met SD at 6 I found her whiney and annoying. I didn't like having her over and feeling uncomfortable in my own home. She always liked me and would follow me around like a shadow which drove me nuts. I did try to always be kind and do things with her though.

As she got older and matured I started to really like her company. We started to share interests like cooking and horses and really started bonding. Then suddenly she was no longer interested in any of those things (I'm pretty sure due to BM) and is now PAS'd.

I never wanted children of my own but losing her changed my mind because after she was gone I realized for much I missed the family activities. 

lorlors's picture

but never SD’s company. SS used to be fun and interactive but then I realised that this was usually only when you were spending money on him. He was always happy to know you when you were taking him somewhere cool or taking him to a nice lunch spot. Since he turned 17/18 he has been awful, just awful. He got worse as he aged out rather than better and treated both DH and I like sh1t on a regular basis. He has now moved back to BM’s full time and only came round for 4.5 minutes (not joking) on Christmas Day to collect his Christmas present. I pretended I was out and hid upstairs as I have no desire to see or engage with him. Sad really, after all DH has done for him SS treats him with such disdain. There won’t be a Christmas present next year.

SD(almost 17) was always mummy’s minion/spy/proxy in our house so on that basis alone there was nothing to like or to enjoy by spending time with her. Weirdly enough, for the time being she wants to live with us not BM as she was cluey enough to realise that BM was using her as a pawn.

Still, she is hugely socially awkward, lies constantly, fakes being sick for attention, has appalling personal hygiene so I am just not into it at all. I won’t repeat it again but she has done some things to me that I view as unforgivable acts (see previous postings) so I am completely disengaged now.

SD lives with us but I do nothing except make dinner. No lifts, no washing, no anything. 

Stepchildren in my experience just aren’t worth the investment; financially or emotionally.

notasm3's picture

SS was I his early 20s - so not a child when I first met him. OMG - he was couch surfing in drug dens and had a few dirty T-shirt’s, a pair of worn out rubber flip flops and had recently been beaten to a pulp. Most likely from a drug deal gone bad.  His GF who was with him was a junkie whore (literally). 

But even after he marginally upgraded the women he mooched off of - he is still pond scum. 

So I have never enjoyed SS on any level although I did try to accept him when DH asked me to. Nope that didn’t work. He is who he is. 

ndc's picture

For the most part I do.  SO's kids are still young and they're pretty good kids. I like doing kid stuff and they give me that opportunity.  If they become entitled brats, I'm sure it won't be so enjoyable. But so far so good.

Germie2's picture

i used to like having her and doing things together, but not anymore. The lies, manipulations, entitlement and selfishness are just too much for a kid, I now see a miniature version of BM in her .

ITB2012's picture

Now that they've outgrown the baby-ness and coddling by BM and DH (not without efforts by me and seeing my BS handle things), they are mostly pleasant to be around. They are teenage boys but they are good kids.

It's usually when DH is around that it's harder. I get along fine with the skids when he isn't around but he isn't there to see it so he doesn't know. When he is around he is so busy worrying about what I say to them or don't say to them or inferring that I mean something bad that I can't say/not say or do/not do things without him taking it poorly. Unfortunately he's starting to get a clue about now, but now is when the oldest one is getting toward the end of HS and the other only has two more years. (And, no, I don't see any of them living at home again.) 

GirlfriendMom's picture

SD8 and my SO were absolute messes with I got there. I could rant forever but SO was a guilty disney daddy who was obsessed with his precious little princess and SD was a miniwife with the emotional range of toddler who was absolutely obsessed with her precious daddy. I wanted to rip my hair out. For a while, I hated when she was here.

Now that SD and SO have broken from their old ways for the most part, SD has a lot more independence, and I'm no longer being used by BM as a babysitter, I love being around SD most of the time. It's easier when SO isnt there sometimes because I truly nurture her independent side while SO can still be... needy I guess.

I love watching her blossom and we do lots of fun things together.

shamds's picture

When i married his dad over 4yrs ago i felt bad for the kid, hadn’t been nurtured but rather neglected by bio mum but dad closed his eyes oblivious to the mess going on and unhealthy environment and realised he couldn’t do it anymore. He was a recluse and just locked himself in the room and hubby would come home asking where he was and i’m like “how should i know he just leaves without telling me”

now age 20 its gotten worse, he answers back, excuses for everything, ignores everyone at home including hubby and locks himself in bedroom and dumps trash on floor of kitchen next to bin. He wants to come along on our holidays during holidays etc but just ignores everyone.

theres an uncomfortable vibe when he’s around and that just ruins the mood when everyone wants to have a great time. Since 2 months ago i full stop refused to go on any visits.

sd22 is just brainwashed by mum, i feel she has some form of stockholm syndrome mixed with narcissism  where she clearly sees her mum do horrible things but still justifies it and excuses it. Sd13 just follows whatever older sis does but you can see she is uncomfortable about this but doesn’t know any better 

anytime hubby suggests a holiday with his 3 sk i say no instantly and when he pushes i explain that noone wants to go on holiday with people like this ruining the mood when it should be happy time and i suggest hubby goes alone to satisfy their fake fantasy of happy family where we’re excluded. He never goes and says it’s torture 

hubby has grown resentful of them, disappointed and just hates them and their behaviour. When you and your wife are treated like this and your 2 young kids purely out of spite and vengeance, you just get to a point of disappointment and start cutting off contact unless necessary 

Swim_Mom's picture

My DH has 3 daughters ages 25, 22 and 19. I see the older 2 only once a year but mostly enjoy talking with them as they are very independent, accomplished and engaged in life with lots of interests. The 19 year old is a college sophomore, same age as my oldest DD, and since she stays with BM most of the time when home I don't see her a lot but do like her. I have only been with DH 4 years (married 2.5) and divorced 5 years; I was always under the impression that once Skids reach college age they are no longer a factor. However after familiarizing myself with this site I see how bad adult step kids can be, so I really appreciate my stepdaughters!

SS age 13 is another story. While he is not as bad as some of the stories here, he is lazy, fat and entitled and does not appreciate the wonderful father he has. No interests other than video games; no sports; shitty grades; just a fat loser. He is repulsive to me. Fortunately my DH has him every Wednesday for dinner and drives out to see him (he lives an hour away); and in theory EOWE but this is becoming less and less as miraculously the fat POS actually has friends. I have made it clear that if he or BM ever crashes and burns, he will never live in our house on a permanent basis.

sunshinex's picture

I used to enjoy spending time with her. Lately, however, I'm realizing she's only nice to me because she knows she'll benefit in some way. I tend to run the household, buy the presents for holidays, etc. and she must be catching on that it's good to be on my good side, but I don't think she's genuine at all.

She went to her BM's for the holidays and was gone 2 weeks. I went alone to pick her up because my 15 month old doesn't like the car, so dad stayed behind with him. When I got there, she gave me this strange blank stare and didn't smile or anything, which made me uncomfortable. I mean, I've raised the girl and done everything for her - she can't smile after 2 weeks? 

She also just does little things that make me realize how much she doesn't care for me. Like when DH lets me sleep in a bit on weekends because I'm up all night with DS15months, I'll go downstairs and her fun happy running around immediately stops and she just looks at me blankly like she's upset I'm coming down. This is MY house! I hate feeling like an intruder in my own home! 

It's just a frustrating situation. I wish I could enjoy spending time with her, but I really don't because she makes it clear that she doesn't care for me, yet calls me "mom" and sucks up in front of DH - I think so she'll get the same benefits my son does. I wish she wouldn't. I'd treat them equally either way because she's my son's sibling, she doesn't need to play it up so much than do little things to remind me i'm not her mom. 

CantComplain's picture

I genuinely enjoy spending time with the older two. I like it when they're here and I miss them when they're gone. The younger one and I never had much in common even before she went off the rails. Now I can barely look her in the eye when she's here because I'm so resentful of all the hurt she's caused. 

Merry's picture

For the most part I do—now. DH’s kids were “adults” when we married.  I enjoy their company now as long as SD isn’t bossy or taking a long trip down memory lane. 

And I do the grandmother thing with the littles and love that. 

Eyes open and mouth closed is my mantra. And DH has become super good at being my actual partner when we see the skids, and that helps tremendously. Those days when I was left to flap in the wind are long gone. 

Rags's picture

I am fortunate in that I entered the mix when SS was 15mos old. So memory lane for him includes me. He has no memory of pre me in his life.  DW booted the BioDad when SS was under a year old due to serial cheating.

Sadly SS had a lot of memories of his BioDad cheating since he never stopped. He has 4 all out of wedlock children by three different baby mamas.  #2 and #3 were both conceived with other mamas when he was with someone else.

thinkthrice's picture

are the most feral, uncouth heathens this side of the Mississippi.  Would rather be drawn and quartered.