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Who has advice for this SM attending 'meet the teacher' night?

KateC's picture

I'm a newly minted stepmom who will be attending my 8yo SD's parent information meeting at her school tomorrow night. BM will be there, of course. I feel a little hesitation about going, but my DH wants me there with him. He wants us to be a team and for me to be involved in his daughter's life. How can I say no? I figure the worst thing that could happen would be for BM to pitch a fit because I'm there.

Please help psych me up! I do have every right to be there and things will be just fine ... won't they?? :O

prettyinpink's picture

I would go with him but I dont think I would say much just be there and support him... since BM will also be there you dont need to play the role of mommy su just go to show that ur involved and u care for her education but you wont interfere... stay calm and relax you will be fine

stepmasochist's picture

DH and I did this for all 3 skids within the last week. I just went, introduced myself politely to the teachers as SM, listened intently to what they explained and made small talk with them about things like curriculum "oh the section on astronomy sounds fun." It was fairly painless.

The funny thing about this time is, I always make it a point to look at someone when they're speaking and with this I found most of the teachers were looking at me while they were talking instead of DH and BM who were wandering around and checking out the classrooms. That made me a tad uncomfortable.

The first school open house was more nerve wracking knowing BM was not in a good place, but with this being my third time to do it, there were no problems.

I don't think I said a word to the teachers the first time. I let DH introduce me and I'm glad he did that or I would have been the weird lady just standing there. So you might share some of this with your DH. Smile

starfish's picture

i would go & support DH..... it's gonna suck, but it will be brief and when all is said and done i think you will be very happy that you went.....

that's me, but if you really really really don't want to go explain to dh and hopfully he will understand.

or pop a xanax, suck it up, go and make the most of it!

good luck, be sure to tell us how it goes!! Smile

KateC's picture

Thanks for the advice! It really does help me.

I'm going ONLY to show support to DH and his sweet daughter. They both want me there. Smile

And believe me, if I had a xanax, I would pop just a little half of it for good measure!!

tiger900's picture

I would go!!! My crazy ex-wife doesn't want my new wife involved AT ALL with our kids. My wife can't go to conferences, sign off on homework etc...what's even more crazy is the crazy parenting consultant agree with this! My wife wants to be involved with my kids and how can she when crazy ex-wife goes off the deep end if anyone outside of her has involvment with her kids. No judge is going to agree that my wife shouldn't be this year I might start scheduling conferneces at different times and bring her with.

KateC's picture

I encourage you to pursue scheduling separate conferences. Sometimes you have to fight for what's right! Sounds to me like your ex-wife is putting her own insecurities before the needs of her kids. Speaking of insecurities, I'm very curious to see how my DH's ex behaves tonight......... Wink

burnet's picture

You need to go. Sometimes it's better to have two sets of ears at these things. I'm a guy and sometimes I don't pay attention like I should and do miss things.

Tx mommy of 3's picture

Is it a come & go type thing? I went with dh once and we were a little late- not much. And bm had already been in the classroom and was somewhere else talking with friends. When dh got there we didn't have to be in the clssroom at the same time as bm. In fact we never saw her that night. After we met the teacher and talked with ss we left. They had hot dogs and other stuff going on that bm and ss stayed for but we didn't. So maybe stagger the time? If it starts at 6, get there at 6:15ish? Just an idea.

Stick's picture

Kate - go and support your husband! My only advice would be to not take it personal if a teacher talks to BM and/or DH instead of you. I went to SD's junior year parent teacher meetings. My husband was on the road. BM was there, and we sat together, and pretty much did SD's schedule thru the school together. We met all of the teachers together. Most of SD's teachers spoke directly to BM even though we were standing right next to each other! Once they heard "Hi, my name is Stick and I am the stepmom, and this is BM.. SD's MOM"... they diverted attention to BM. (And yes, I introduced us because I was there for the first teacher and BM always walked in behind me... she walks a lot slower..)

Anyway... SD lives with me, and has lived with DH and I for the past year or so. Most of SD's teachers didn't know that, so for all they knew, I was some pushy SM and BM was the one staying home doing homework with the girl. I was pissed off at first! But hey... whatever... So, go if you can... and just understand that until the teachers get to know you (which they did get to know me more after), they may not speak to you as much!

pastepmomof3's picture

I hope you went or if it hasn't happened yet, that you do go. My DH and I went to SS8's 1st grade parent/teacher conferences a couple years ago and we went the same time BM went. It was a little uncomfortable but remember you're there for 2 reasons: 1) support DH and pick up on info he might miss; and 2) ensure SK is on track and doing well in school, and if not, what needs to be done to bring them up to par. A united front in the child's education makes it easier on the kid and teacher.

Good luck. Smile