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Who gets your Bios and/or Skids if you or your spouse dies when NO other bio parents are involved?

dledden's picture

DH and I are almost one year happily married. And of course blended. I have 2 bios, he has one, we have none together. I'm 41 and tubes are churned and burned!

Anyhow, as much as I love my husband, he's completely lazy and in denial over all parenting issues with his kid. The kid has autism and a whole host of other physical disabilities. No baby momma (well there is one obviously, but she's probably finishing up her heroin and heading to the methadone clinic so she can get her free methadone and her welfare check)...aah but I digress. Skid is involved in multiple therapies and the poor therapists send home so much stuff for DH to work on with skid, and it sits and collects dust.....

My 2 bios father is in prison for my attempted murder. So clearly no baby daddy.

If I DIE before my kids are grown, they are to be returned to my mother and father (assuming they are still living). If DH dies, Skid is being returned to DH's parents (assuming they are still living, if not, Skid goes to DH's brother).

I have tried now for FIVE years to get my DH to step up and take care of his kids needs. He has chosen not to. I have carried the weight of this around like Atlas and have finally, because of the stress it causes on me and our relationship, just given it up to God and the chips will fall where they may.

Anyone else in a similar situation where there are no other bioparents and what your preferences are in case of your spouse's death?

realitycheckmom's picture

Because of FDH's work schedule my DD went to my mom with him having visitation until she was old enough to be left home alone. If I died after she was older and could be left without a sitter then she would have stayed with FDH. Now that he has passed away she goes to my mother and my brother is backup.

PeanutandSons's picture

I contemplate this too.

If I were to die I would want my mom to get my boys. If I am totally honest I would want her to get them if I die even if dh is still alive. I know that there is no legal way to o make this happen but I know he will rely on his family to do the vast majority of parenting and I dont trust them at all. Sh made a off handed comment the other day about how if anything happened to me how he'd ha e to move to NYC so his mom could help him raise the kids. I wanted to vomit.

If dh was to die before me while his kids are still minors, I would send them to mil. I have thought long and hard about it and I just couldn't keep them on my own. I feel bad about it, but I know my limits.

If we were to both die, SS and SD would go to mil and my boys will go to my mom

dledden's picture

I feel the same way, what if one of my kids got into drugs or something, I know how DH is with his own kid, IGNORE IT AND IT WILL HOPEFULLY GO way i'd trust him or his family with my bios. I work for a law office and am going to have one of the lawyers here create a will for me indicating that my kids don't stay with DH if I die.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

I imagine the skids would go to DH's sister an brother-in-law, since no one in BM's family speaks to her anymore. I wouldn't want them.

BS17 is pretty much grown, but would've gone to my mother and stepfather if he was younger.

Jmom's picture

I worry about this often. I love DH but I don't want him raising my BS13 like SD13. SD13 of course would stay with her mother. BS13 would go to my oldest sister. I have a very close family and they all agreed. I live one house down from my dad and both of my sisters are close by. No offense to DH but I decided not to have any kids with him after the first year of marriage. SD13 is weird.

HungryEyes's picture

I wouldn't want SO to raise my boys. My ex would BUT If he wasn't around - his parents would.

I more or less think about BM who has some health problems (real or exaggerated, not sure) but I am scared of something happening to her because I know we'd get SDs which scares me a little. My other question is that she has a baby who doesn't have a father (He signed rights away). She's remarrying a "New Daddy', but would "New Daddy" get custody as a step Dad if something happened to her? That's confusing.