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White W(h)ine Wednesday - I am coining the phrase because I need both

California12's picture

Submitted by California12 on Wed, 09/24/2014 - 7:39am

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Well, just when I think BM couldn't be more miserable, she has reared her psychotic head again. SD stayed with her last night due to some ridiculous out of town sports practice, so just us and my SS. When SD is here, everyone is on edge, including my SS. He can't vocalize anything. Last night he gave us so many details about what happens when they go back to her house (he told me he hates her) ....she's always yelling, grilling them for stories about me, and even putting me down for going back to school .......But my education (which is the same as my husband's - we are lawyers) pays her $3000 a month child support and all expenses, but that's in another story. My SD is about ready to crack and locks herself in the bathroom crying over there according to my stepson. I am taking a new approach - I have been pretty hands off with her because I always looked at SD as psycho BM's minion, but now I realize she is her VICTIM. I was told that BM wants details on everything, including any medical procedures I have had and even went digging on inform about my ex husband from 10 years ago!! I had to laugh at that one. If it wasn't so damaging and cruel to my stepkids, I would be laughing until I cried that my life is that fascinating. Anyway, hope some day she can just get committed. Any advice on how to handle SD ? She is a wonderful girl and my heart is breaking for her.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Wed, 09/24/2014 - 7:54am

Just keep in your mind that the tales SKids tell to BM about your home are likely exaggerated and inflated, and likely so are the ones they tell you about BM.

California12's picture

Submitted by California12 on Wed, 09/24/2014 - 8:45am

Thanks for the help everyone! SD is 13. Hard age all the way around. And yes, I think I need to keep my guard up.....I was caught in the moment of weakness this morning.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 09/24/2014 - 8:54am

I hate to say it, but I'd also tell you to be careful.

My skids weren't so terrible - they never tried to break us up at least! But they'd come to our house with stories of life at their mom's, and it was deeply concerning. (Sounds a lot like what you're hearing.) Then I got pregnant. We told the girls, they were happy and said they wanted a brother. We dropped them off at BM's. Almost immediately she called DH and said the girls were sobbing, they were so upset I was pregnant! DH turned around and we went back to BM's.

So all of us (3 skids, me, DH, BM, and SF) are sitting in the kitchen and DH asks the girls what's going on. They all look at the ground, and won't answer. BM finally says, "They told me they're heartbroken because you said you were starting a new family and they were being replaced." WHAT?!?!? DH looked at the girls and demanded to know if this was true. The girls said, "No! We didn't say that! BM misunderstood!" Lol BM was LIVID. Not only did her precious little angels LIE to her, they then threw her under the bus right in front of us! I think she grounded all 3 of them for 2 months.

That was the end of the story-telling, at least when they were kids. (We do have some similar issues now that 2 of them are "adults". *sigh*) I wouldn't say that we became friends with BM, but we DID do more to present a united front in front of the kids, and that helped immensely.

Sounds like you have more of a high conflict BM, so I don't know if working with her is even remotely possible for you. (To be fair, she might be high conflict at least in part because her kids are stirring the pot at home.) But take what the kids tell you with a grain of salt.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Wed, 09/24/2014 - 10:29am

I guess I will have to start Tequila Tuesday!!! Wink

Some people are so toxic and pathetic that it would be laughable if kids were not victims of their toxic bullshit.

That said ... I actually dug up a bunch of stuff on my XW two years ago while I was putting toghether a book for my parents 50th.

I clicked a link that took me to my XWs online crap and found out all kinds of stuff about her additional divorce, my XMILs felony conviction and stint in federal prison, legal troubles (the family XMIL embezzled millions from sued the entire family and won a $multi-million award that my XW owed a notable 5 of), etc....

I had fun peeling the onion of my XWs toxic life after our divorce. }:)