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where are the kids allowed?

jmh302's picture

It might be a weird question..but do you allow the kids in your house to go in anyroom as they please?

Does age make a difference on where the kid is allowed?

Does everyone hang out together in the living room or mainly in their private space?

justanothergurlNJ's picture

My bedroom and I have repeat it yet SO ohhh I'm in here IDGAF! I DO NOT want those kids in my room. MY 18 BS room is OFF limits as well unless invited. Sometimes he will hang with YSS and play Madden or FIFA. 14 BD doesn't mind but prefers to be asked. She is a teenage girl and wants to be left alone. We only have them EOWE so they have the living room.

LAMomma's picture

We don't allow any of the kids in our bedroom. They are allowed in the living room and their rooms, sometimes we kick them out of the living room and make them go play in their rooms. They also aren't allowed in the kitchen besides eating times.

Disneyfan's picture

I never had a no kids allowed rule in any room. As a kid, my sister and I would watch TV in my parents (mom and stepdad) room if they were watching something in the living room that we didn't want to see. As preteens and teens, we would lie across their bed while talking on the phone. This was the norm amongst all of our family and friends.

To be honest, outside of ST, I have never heard of the no kids in the bedroom rule. It's a pretty strange rule to me. And based on the number of men that seem to "forget" the rule when SM isn't home, I have a feeling that they find it strange/odd as well. What I can't figure out is if they plan to just forget the rule when SM isn't around, why in the hell do they agree to it in the first place??!! :?

TwoOfUs's picture

Yeah...I agree with you to an extent. When I was a kid, I was often in my parents' bedroom. If the door was closed, I knocked...but I never felt it was "off limits" to me, and my parents had a very open door policy.

Now, as a SM, I don't like skids in my room and, especially, in my bed. I was genuinely surprised by these feelings the first time they came up. I'm the oldest of 6 and don't require a great deal of personal space...I usually slept with a sibling growing up...I'm pretty laid back. My youngest SD who was maybe 11 or so at the time got into this habit of climbing into my bed to read during the day. Like...I'd walk into my room and find her snuggled in there with a book. She hadn't asked or even told me. It really made me upset...I felt violated somehow. And I don't dislike my skids except for the oldest one. YSD and I, in particular, have a strong bond and a loving relationship.

This went on for a while...me being surprised to find her in my room. I stewed about it, fretted, tried to figure out whether to say anything or not. Eventually I did, very timidly...feeling awful about it the whole time. SD: "Oh. Sure...no problem!" It didn't faze her at all and she never did it again.

I guess I say all this to say...while you're right that it may be an odd rule in nuclear families, I don't think it's necessarily odd for a SM to feel this way. Nor does it necessarily come from a mean or hateful place. I think SMs give up so much in terms of privacy, firsts, security...etc, etc, etc. It makes sense to want to have a retreat that belongs to you and you alone.

Stepped in what momma's picture

They are not allowed to set foot in our/my room.
The game room they are allowed in if we know they are in there- breakable collectables are stored in that room
I don't like them in our study but it is usually locked so they are only in there if one of us is with them. They certainly would have to explain themselves if caught coming out of the study alone as there is not one reason for them to be in the study at all.

sunshinex's picture

We have a rule: absolutely no SD4 in our bedroom unless she is invited and accompanied by one of us, but even at that, she's not allowed on the bed. Aside from our bedroom, I have a "beauty/makeup" room that I keep all my clothes, makeup, shoes, etc. in and she's not allowed in that room unless I invite her to sit with me while I get ready. SO knows that's my space and only I am allowed to invite her in as I'm the only one who uses that room.

I guess I'm lucky, my SO was very understanding when I mentioned I could really use a space of my own that's off limits to anyone else. He completely gets that it's a bit difficult for someone without kids to get used to the lack of privacy/boundaries when it comes to personal space.

Cover1W's picture

They can go anywhere BUT our bedroom and bathroom, unless they ask nicely, have a legitimate reason and we grant permission.
DP seems to agree with this so it's been a great thing.

I do have locks on some cabinets in the laundry room because they couldn't stay out of my household fix it stuff, but they can access the laundry room as infrequently as they want to.

We are most frequently found hanging out together in the living area.
SD12 stays in her room a lot, but does come up for some socializing when she's with us.
I retreat to our bedroom when it's too loud or I don't want to watch whatever show/movie the SDs are watching or I'm just in a bad mood. But it's not that frequent.