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When to stop buying gifts on Father's Day from skids?

MidwestStepmom's picture

At what age do you stop buying gifts for Father's Day from skids? I told dh last night that I am no longer buying a gift for ss13 to give to dh for Father's Day. I have BS1, and I will make sure BS gives dh a gift.

With recent behavior from ss13, I have started to disengage and just not care about him anymore. To be honest I try to ignor him when he is here.

4ever's picture

I always buy gifts with my stepdaughter for her dad on Fathers Day and for her mom on Mothers Day. She's 12. I think I'll keep helping her with this, I think its important for her to learn how to be polite and give gifts. I think I'd fall over if her mom ever acknowledged me on mothers day though! Five years of gifts to her and never anything back. Thats okay I guess, I'm doing it for my stepdaughter anyway.

MidwestStepmom's picture

Ss is an ungrateful child, I never get a thank you from him. My dh doesn't like to address his behavior because "that's what children with autism do". So I don't want any part with this. Yes this may hurt my dh feelings, but my feelings are hurt a lot when dh refuses to address the behavior issues with ss13.

So I will only be buying from BS. Ss13 has money in his piggy bank and he can use that. Or he can make a craft item. Bs1 will probably "paint" a picture and get him some chocolates.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I introduced SDthen12 to the idea of giving gifts to her father. She had never experienced it before.

The next year she was being very mean to me so I made sure SSthen11 got a trip to the store with me first. Then I asked sthen13 if she wanted to go do it. She said, "No. I'm not a thoughtful person." I gave her more chances, though, and eventually she went for it. She seemed to think she was in charge of making the decision for her little brother, though, and seemed shocked to find he was already prepared.

Last year I offered. She said she'd "just draw him a picture." So we had a fun Father's Day with cake and favors and gifts from me and ss. Crickets from SD. She never delivered on her plan of "just a picture."

She's 15 now. I will ask her again if she wants the help. To me it's important that she somehow learn her father is a person, too, and that she is not queen of the universe. It is important to me to live with people, including children, who give back in life. This is one small opportunity available to me to send a clear message to her that she is expected to give sometimes, not just take.

onthefence2's picture

I think moms or dads should be allowed to see the shits that they raised, and continuing to cover for them does not help matters. My kids save their money and plan ahead for buying gifts for both of us. They have been doing it since about age 10. Parents who raise kids who don't even care about THEM deserve to get nothing for mothers/fathers day. Maybe it will wake them up. I wouldn't have any problem telling the older boy he needs to figure something out, while buying a gift from the baby. Nothing wrong with it at all.

ocs's picture

SD15 has ranged from drawing cards when she was younger, to outright ignoring DH in favour of BM's flavour of the month, to last year buying him something actually thoughtful.

You never know what will happen with her.

I took myself completely out of that equation from the beginning. I'm not enabling her bad behaviour or masking the bad manners of anyone involved. (I'm not dividing kids, there are no bios involved)