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When Skid Calls You "Mom"

ClutterMusings's picture

Well, it's starting to happen.

SD6 just calls me by my first name and always has. Obviously, I am not her biomom nor has it EVER been required that she calls me "mom."

Now, I am a Mother. I have BD1 so I am mama to her.

So, one kid calls me my name...the other calls me mama.

I don't have a problem with this at all, of course because it is what it is.

Sometimes now SD6 asks if she can call me "mama" or says hey! Can I "pretend" you are my mom?

I don't tell her no because I think that would hurt her feelings really bad. She pretty much lives with us and her BM gets her a day or two a month. But, SD6 knows that is her real mom and that I am her step mom.

Pretty sure this would be a common occurrence in this situation? I just roll with it, but sometimes it just makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up! I think it's because H and MIL always thought it was cute when she was younger for her to slip up and call me mama like after a weekend spent with her BM. But, on the same token H frowned on it because BM heard her say it once (she just slipped up) and called me mom and blew a gasket.

I know SD is confused since her BM is barely in the pic, she lives with us, and now BD calls me mama. So, I am not mad about it, it just makes me nervous lol!

This is on the bottom of my worry list, but still it's happening.

Do your skids call you mama or ask to call you that? How do you handle?

classyNJ's picture

A friend of mines SD calls her SM "Connie-mom". They are close for a teenage girl and a SM.

Monchichi's picture

My SS went through a brief time of trying to call me mom. I stopped it. I gently correct my SS and explained he did not come from my tummy. He has a mommy and she loves him. I am SM and he can call me a special nickname.

Ninji's picture

My skids have asked if they can call me mom and I usually make a joke of it and say "Call me anything except late for supper" It usually only last for a few minutes and then they forget.

I could care less if BM had a problem with it. Her two older kids by a different guy call SO "daddy" (they are 15 and 17).

I think it's sweet that your SD feels so close to you.

ClutterMusings's picture

Yeah, I think she is just wanting that connection with me. I know she loves me a lot and her BM doesn't have much at all to do with her. I just don't want her getting in trouble with her BM cause I know she's already gotten on to her pretty badly about it. DH explained to her that we don't require it, it's just what SD6 wants to do.

I just don't make a production about it right now at all. I let her because I think it is important to her. Plus, I think she is embarrassed at school or at a function when I am there with all the other kid's BM's and SD doesn't want to call me "step-mom."

And, you know when I have SD and BD together out and about and introduce ourselves to someone new, I refer to them BOTH as my daughters because I just feel that to be the appropriate thing to do.

Ninji's picture

When I refer to my SKids I usually say my daughter or my son to strangers. I feel like I'm making less of our relationship if I say my SKids when it really doesn't matter.

ClutterMusings's picture

Haha Ninji..."Call me anything except late for supper" love that! I feel the same way too LOL.

You guys are right...AGAIN I have to remind myself that...

I DON'T CARE WHAT HER BM THINKS!

Gah, I almost fell off the wagon for a second there.

hollyissad's picture

Most of the time, my SD6 calls me by my first name, such as when she is trying to get my attention. However, she'll sometimes say "Mama!" when she sees me, or when it's time for bed and she doesn't want me to leave she'll sometimes say "Don't leave, Mama!" I used to not know what to make of any of it, but now I just let her call me by my first name, and throw in a mama or two every now and again when she feels inclined. Our situation is a little different though, as SD6's mother is deceased.

ClutterMusings's picture

You are a brave woman hollyissad. I know it's gotta be hard in that situation. That sweet girl will appreciate all you do one day, I am sure Biggrin

Tuff Noogies's picture

i called sm 'mom'. my brother did also. i was 5, he was 7 when she and dad married. WE always knew who we were talking about, and if someone else got a bit confused they'd just ask "which one?" to my knowledge my bm was never offended, but we didnt see her all that regularly so it wasnt anything that was ever discussed with us.

i know many sm's and bm's are "well sm's NOT their mother". but with full time custodial, especially at such a young age, the sm is the "Mom of This House" so it can be appropriate. now my stepfather on the other hand was just "first name". we were older (tween/teen), and only saw him every few weeks or months.

my brother's ss calls him 'dad'. his bio lives out of their state and is not in the picture but a couple of times a year; he's also disabled and emotionally just a bit behind, but he is superduper smart AND sweet, and totally attached to my brother, who is the "Dad of the House" where he resides full time.

the boys were very young when dh and i met, but they all call me "Tuff" as they were living full time w/ dumbass when dh and i got married, and for a few years after that. even tho' they've lived with us full time for a while and havent seen bm but just a few times in the last two years, i'm still "Tuff" cuz that's what they got used to calling me.

some may have issues with titles, but sometimes it can be appropriate if the child chooses.