What's up with the newbies today?
Forums:
I've seen several posts on her from folks who are seem to genuinely want a relationship with their skid, and who seem disappointed that they skids don't love them. That's great and all, but this is primarily a site for those who need to vent about **bad** step-situations. Maybe some of these folks would be better off at GardenWeb, or one of the other step-fantasy sites.
Just seemed odd to see so many of these posts in one day.
Sure, variety is good, and
Sure, variety is good, and I'm not actually complaining. It just seemed odd.
My skids arrived last night
My skids arrived last night and immediately demanded that their father buy new head sets for their computer video game. No- hi dad nice to see you or anything....so he is pissed off. I wanted to say ARE YOU SURPRISED? They are spoiled, demanding little self centered slobs, what do you expect. Then I made general tso's chicken for dinner, and used a bottled sauce which pretty much tastes like panda express so I thought for sure I would get no complaints, but, not with these brats, the older skid, says, THIS SMELLS LIKE FEET. I was thinking to myself....no son....that's you! You haven't showered since you were here a week ago and I bet you haven't changed your socks since then either. This is the 12 year old that brought his school pictures home last week and is wearing the same shirt this year as he was last year! And his dear BM has a car that is paid for, gets child support, is on food stamps, is married, has a full time job, and lives in a house her parents bought for her????
NO!! Yes, this is a place to
NO!! Yes, this is a place to vent but ALL step parents are welcome.
I'm somewhat of a newbie and
I'm somewhat of a newbie and I believe my post is one you are referring too. There are days when I cannot wait for my stepkids to leave and there are rare days when I actually feel appreciated. Excuseme for actually wanting to actually share my 30 seconds of joy, something I hardly ever get when it comes to all things step related.
Paul... in my situation... I
Paul... in my situation... I have a SD with my XH. We had a VERY rough time for years...mostly with her BM, but many of the same issues that others experience. However, we now have a great relationship. My XH has been long gone, and I continued to raise her after he disappeared. (Her mother was in another state with a new marriage, and didn't really want her daughter making that difficult.) I love her like she's mine.
I have two more steps with DH. Those relationships are little more...well... difficult. And that issue encompasses BM, ALL of my ILs, and a variety of extended family members on DH's side who have decided to weigh in.
Honestly, I think it's BEST if stepparents WANT to like their skids, and are willing to put in the initial selfless work to see if that's a possibility.
Dtzy and Isigned... You're
Dtzy and Isigned...
You're absolutely correct.
I did experience some of that hurt an rejection when SD, after years and years of raising her and treating her like my daughter, did a huge about-face when her father and I split. Suddenly I was persona nongrata, she felt like I deserved no respect, and it was awful. I felt like I'd been slapped and then spit in the face. I continued to pay for her expenses, she left to live with her father, and I hurt. She didn't even speak to me for several months. As she started to see her father and I for who were really are/were, things started to change. One day, she came to me and apologized, and we were able to patch up our relationship.
People on here have assumed it's been all rosey for me because I speak so highly of the relationship now. It wasnt always like that.
I tried. I wanted to like
I tried. I wanted to like her. REALLY I did. I tried initially to just be her friend, tried to bond with her. Do girly things together, took her to the movies, lunch, mall. Invited her friends over for girl's slumber parties, popped popcorn, played games.
Once she realized I was going to be a permanent fixture in her dad's life - all Hell broke loose. She lied about me, told her mother (and subsequently her therapist) wild stories about me, demanded her dad and I stop dating or showing any type of affection toward each other.
I CONTINUED trying with her. Gave her time, space, had discussions, encouraged her to write in her journal, see a therapist about the divorce and how it was affecting her. A year into our relationship, he proposed to me. That's when she went into ballistic, full-on stepdevil mode trying to split us up.
Once the engagement sank in, the upcoming wedding sent her into a tizzy. Since she flat out told DH that she'd pitch the biggest fit at our wedding reception, he told her she wasn't coming to it anymore. She pitched an even BIGGER fit that she wasn't invited anymore and my daughter was going. All out war started at that point and she ignored and hurt her dad from that day up until just recently when stupid BM and DH forced her to come back.
I tried to reconnect with her, yet AGAIN. She finally admitted she couldn't stand me, didn't support DH and I and wanted to destroy our relationship. I'm done trying. I'm done caring. I'm done being involved. I'm done with it all. I've disengaged totally. DH can visit her whenever he wants (she lives 6 miles away). He can do as he pleases but that kid is NOT welcome in my home anymore.
LOL... I found this site when
LOL... I found this site when I first entered Step Parenting. I posted a few times, and then felt like the environment was "too negative". I went to one of the fantasy, make-believe, blended family websites and felt like such a failure. I mean... how much xanax are those stepmoms taking?!
Then I read stepmonster. I felt like a better human being for disliking my skids. I came back to StepTalk. I vent. I complain. I feel better.
LMAO - Stepford Stepmoms! <<
LMAO - Stepford Stepmoms! << This needs to be a new term around here!!
Does anyone subscribe to StepMom magazine?! It is filled with Stepford Stepmom articles. BMs and Smoms starting businesses together. Skids who tell their Smoms all the time how great they are.
I swear they must be maxed out on the meds.
There's a magazine?!
There's a magazine?!
Yes. Some people actually
Yes. Some people actually subscribe to it.
I prefer DENIAL
lol
I just ordered my copy. I
I just ordered my copy. I get bereated here because I don't like my skid and he's AUTISTIC...like how DARE I not like him....Anyway, I do the same, I vent, I get BASHED, I get to vent and defend myself MORE, and then people privately inbox me about how they TOTALLY AGREE with me, but won't put it on the boards cuz they don't wanna get bashed. Bashing is fine. My skid is autistic, i don't like him, he's a SKID, duhhh.....anyway can't wait for my book to arrive!!!
Goodness I don't think they
Goodness I don't think they are just on this site, but in out in the open. I came her to vent and openly admit that I felt guilty about not feeling guilty that I do not like my step-kids and do not wish them to be in our home. I hate the land whale that is their mother even more. It doesn't make me a horrible person. I am here to vent my hatred and not be judged.
Megh, I think you are one of
Megh, I think you are one of my new BFFs
Sure, it might not be all
Sure, it might not be all bad, and for those who have a good relationship with their skids, that is great. What I was really getting at was that I was concerned we might be seeing the beginnings of another "insurrection," like we have seen before, when BMs and trouble-makers come on here and castigate those who have unhappy step-situations.
I appreciate your
I appreciate your constructive feedback, and will attempt to incorporate same in future postings.
Its a rough day. After an all
Its a rough day. After an all cards on the table conversation with my SO last night about the greedy and manipulative behaviour of SS17, who is refusing to come for Christmas UNLESS his father complies with BM's demands over property settlement.
Meanwhile SS15 is milking the situation for all he can, knowing its destroying DH that the kids are so far away and Christmas is so close.
They live in another state (he agreed to them going because bm,s family is there) and five years ago when she left, he wasn,t in a position to share custody. Therefore he agreed.
Five years later... he's had them each school holidays (every 10 weeks for 2 weeks and 4 weeks at Christmas...our summer holidays)
Fast forward to now... he tels me last night that they'll always come first. OK I'm a grown up... I get that they're his blood, but its still hurting that no matter how appallingly they behave, how much manipulation and emotional blackmail and money grabbing they do, an no matter how much I love him, put him first, bite my tongue when they're here about their mothers lies... he'll still always choose them over me.
Also feeling a little guilty that I find myself hoping they both refuse to come. I know DH would be destroyed by that, but we would also not have to hear the daily.." oh no mum does it this way".. "we like how mum does...xyz."
Btw. Bm has a serious gambling addictiin and we are constantly topping up the Child support with extra because she puts her hand out and he doesn't seem to be able to say no....
Anyhoo... that's my poor me moment. I know it could be a lot worse... but it still hurts.