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What Would You Do?

SMBlues's picture

Last night was skids night to be with SO. I had my evening all planned while they were here. I planned to catch up on one of my favorite shows on Netflix. When they arrived we said the cordial hello and I retreated to the bedroom.

I did hear SO tell OSS to start his homework after he finished eating. I don't think I had gotten a good 30 minutes into my show and here comes OSS with a card table, chair and his book bag. I asked him did his father tell him to come in here. He said yes. I did think it strange because he could have sat at the dining room table and did his homework. I was a little annoyed but tried not to show it. I turned off my show and just proceeded to watch the news.

Time passed and SO took them home. When he returned I asked him why did he tell OSS to come do his homework in the bedroom. He said he told him no such thing and he would never tell him to do that.

How would you all have handled that situation? Would you have told OSS to go back in the living room? I probably should have called SO in the bedroom to clarify, but silly me I wouldn't think a kid would lie.

The relationship with skids is not good. I felt like OSS was spying for BM.

Acratopotes's picture

:jawdrop: if a skid comes into my bedroom I will tell them get the hell out, my bedroom my space... I do not care if SO told him yes or no...

seriously, why did you say nothing?

Do not let this go, n :? ext time OSS comes over, you confront him in front of his Dad about this, and say: OSS you lied to me, your father never told you to do your homework in our bed room, now let me make it clear to all here, our bedroom is that, you will not come into our bedroom, home work will be done at the dining room table, understood...

Aniki's picture


You were in there watching television. First off, that is NOT a conducive homework environment. Second...that's your bedroom! What would you have done is SS came in and you were naked??

Your SO needs to tell SS that your (yours and SO's) bedroom is off limits. Period. If you and SO are in there, SS needs to knock and ask permission to enter. Otherwise, SS has no business being in your bedroom. None. Nada. Zilch.

secret's picture

I'd have gotten up to "go get a drink" and casually asked dh then and there... then casually told DH to get his kid outta my bedroom, pronto, while he dealt with the liar.

hereiam's picture

I would not have allowed him in the bedroom, would not even have asked if his dad sent him in there. But since you did, I would have definitely checked with SO on why he said that. You would have found out that he didn't.

What is your SO going to do about the kid lying? Such a weird thing to lie about, by the way.

ybarra357's picture

That’s an easy one. SK’s don’t set one foot in my bedroom - period. Yes, I would have said get out.

strugglingSM's picture

My SSs know that they are not allowed to hang out in our bedroom. If they ever trotted in when I was in there watching tv or reading and told me that DH told them to do something in our bedroom, I'd probably tell them that DH was wrong and they needed to find a new place to do whatever it was that they were doing. I might even make them bring DH over to me and tell me himself that he told SSs to go in our room, because he knows how I feel about that.

marblefawn's picture

I would have addressed it at once. I would have been furious thinking my spouse had told the kid to take over my space and I couldn't have let it go until the kid left!
Now you and SO know the kid is capable of a seamless lie. SO should have the "this space is always off limits to you" talk with his kids. But more concerning is the lying. That kid must think you're a real chump. The next time it happens, the lying must be addressed at the time with both of you there so he can't play one of you off the other - which is probably something the kid pulls all the time with his bioparents.

sammigirl's picture

It is in the past.

Tell DH to never have that happen again and let it go.

If it happens again, correct the problem on the spot.

Tomatoe's picture

I would have thought it was sweet he would go through so much trouble just to be near me.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

When one of the kids cough cough *son* cough cough tells me something that I find a little off and then tries to play it off as "dad said I could" my response is "Ok, I'll go talk to him about it." If the kids lying then he's in the corner which has always been the case.

IF it were that my partner did say it and it's something I completely disagree with I think we would talk it over. If it's a minor annoyance I can live with I live and let live. If it's something bigger I would think that we would approach together. "Hey kid, dad and I talked and we decided you need to do x instead. Sorry buddy."

Big thing is do not let them split you. If something feels fishy you don't even have to call them a lair. Just go speak with your partner and clear it up. It takes a little extra effort but they learn your on the same page. BONUS if you use a text message from the other room to do it.

mapitout's picture

I might have decided to have some fun with it by asking him all sorts of questions about school, homework, does he have a girlfriend, does he sweat a lot, what's his favorite TV show, complete and total distraction until he gets up and leaves and if he doesn't leave, mention to him as he's going out the door to go home that you overlooked his lie this time, but next time under no uncertain circumstances will he be setting up shop in your bedroom, then say, "Got it maestro?" Make sure he answers!

Acratopotes's picture

YES this.... but then I walked into a brick wall... cause Aergia is from a broken home she was allowed to come into the room and go through my things

SugarSpice's picture

the skids were not allowed in our bedroom.

once dh let the skids into our bedroom and i ended up with my jewellery being taken by them. the skids were about 5 or 6 at the time and knew better. they also stole money from another couple who was baby sitting them.

a nice bunch of klepto maniac sociopaths the bm raised. she had custody of them and can be blamed for this.

of course dh did nothing but issues a "stern" warning that was ignored.

if those were my kids i would have raked them over the coals so they would have to think twice about stealing for the rest of their lives.

its called parenting and teaching social skills.

lintini's picture

That's so awkward that he totally setup shop in there! I would have kicked him out.

SS16 never comes in our room.

Rhiannon's picture

DH and I have a policy at our house to avoid this kind of situation.

If the door is open--they can walk right in.
If the door is closed--they have to knock, and wait for permission.

This goes for SD and our bio kids. (Though only our bio kids break the rule, but they're only almost 5 and 3 1/2)