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What is with these BMs?

Elizabeth's picture

I was talking to MIL yesterday. Several years ago BM came to visit her and brought SD, her new husband, and their two kids. This was just after husband and my first daughter was born. Apparently SD brought a picture of BD to show her grandmother. During the visit, BM told MIL (right in front of SD and everyone else) that my husband just needed to move out and get his own place. Right after our daughter was born!

Why does she want to sow seeds of discontent. MIL verified that I never say anything bad about BM. What is it about me that makes me a target? And what did she hope to gain by saying something like that in front of SD? (I know what she has gained, SD can't stand to be in the same room with me and the feeling is mutual. But I don't see how that is a benefit to SD, in particular. Maybe it just makes BM feel more in control.)

I just don't get it! She says bad things about me ALL THE TIME. My husband even told the lawyer he doesn't like to get phone calls from BM because all she does is complain about me.

steppie1999's picture

A lot of BM's we all deal with are so wrapped up in their own insecurities that it seems to make them feel better by trying to drag us down.
Usually, the harder they try, the farther they sink into their own pit of self-loathing and the higher they place us on a pedestal.

frustratedinMA's picture

I too suffer the wrath of someone that I did nothing to. She got rid of my DH YEARS before I came on the scene.. and she talks crap about me CONSTANTLY!!!

Its tiring always being the adult and bigger person.. isnt it?

Elizabeth's picture

I don't understand why BM can't just move on. It's not like they were deeply in love and he broke her heart. She got pregnant when they barely knew each other, and they didn't get married until SD was 6 months old. They were only married for 18 months. BM remarried when SD was 4 and has two kids with new husband. Why can't my husband have a life as well? I'm baffled as to what goes on in that woman's head.

frustratedinMA's picture

Elizabeth..

We have the same dh?? lol.. close enough.. My dh married the ex because she got pregnant.. both have told me how they didnt really want to marry the other, but did it because they got pregnant... she left him when the kids were a little over 1. Remarried when the skids were 4.5 and IMMEDIATELY got pregnant w/the new dh's baby. Now she has the two from dh and 1 from the new dh.. and STILL cant seem to be nice to me.

skyisfalling's picture

Some BMs are just so insecure and think that the world revolves completely around them. And if they aren't happy, nobody else should be. I actually thank god that my fMIL doesn't like my FHs ex and doesn't see her or keep in contact with her at all. And I love my fMIL because everytime FH and I visit her, I have someone to talk to about BM and how evil she is..muwahahaha Smile It's great!

"For the love of herself, she acknowledged her worth."

Elizabeth's picture

She basically said, "You've moved on with your life. You have your own family now. Why can't my son have a family too?" And that was the last time MIL say BM! BM was supposed to see MIL again the next day and just never showed up. BM didn't like being reprimanded by MIL, but I say good for her!

My MIL LOVES me and will stick up for me to the end. She is suspicious because she got a Christmas card from BM this year for the first time since that conversation. It had a picture of SD with BM and her husband and their two children looking happy at the beach. I think she just sent it because she was gearing up for the custody battle and wanted to try to recruit MIL back to her side. Good luck! If she tried to call MIL now, she'd get some feedback she didn't like.