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what now!!!!!!!

secondbest's picture

Submitted by secondbest on Thu, 05/24/2007 - 12:35pm

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I gave SD a card to say hi I miss you maybe you can come over to dad's which she hasn't in three weeks now, and maybe stay. she freaked out and called dad as if I had shot her. What the heck is going on this is rediculous. I need help!!!!!!!! She said that no matter what she does nothing will change and everything will be the same. This kid is killing me not to mention her father all of a sudden out of the blue hates me won't come to dads for visits we have been together for 12 years. HUH???????

Mocha2001's picture

Submitted by Mocha2001 on Sat, 05/26/2007 - 8:05pm

I can't say I've experienced this ... but if one of my client's called me and told me this was going on (I'm a GAL), I would suggest that dad take some one-on-one time with the daughter. Dinner, or a day at the park, etc. If she doesn't want to see you ... she still needs to see dad. Dad might be able to figure out what's going on, why she's mad ad you, and help figure things out.

~ Katrina

Catch22's picture

Submitted by Catch22 on Sun, 05/27/2007 - 6:36am

Read my blog and see what others responded to me. All the same situation here!! Sucks doesn't it?? But you have to stop blaming yourself or trying to fix it. You will feel guilt like I did and feel really bad for a few months like I did, but the ladies gave some great advice. I don't think her seeing dad alone is healthy for anyone involved. The child makes the call. You and dad should stand united or you will never be seen as united.

Just my opinion.

Catch xx
*Mean People Suck*

Annie's picture

Submitted by Annie on Mon, 05/28/2007 - 3:25pm

Oh how it hurts to agree, but I agree with Catch. If you allow this child to "have her way" with a rewarding "date" with dad, it will only make things worse. I think maybe it would be good for Dad to call and ask what is up. But to take her out for daddy and daughter day as a reward for being horrible, that's just asking for more issues. And I wouldn't go so far as to give her the cold shoulder, but I would stop trying to gather attention so hard. She took offense to it, fine. At least youc an keep telling yourself that you have tried. Send her a letter or a call or whatever you use to keep in touch and tell her that you hold no grudges but you are not going to keep pestering her. That whenever she is ready to come around, then you will be there. Then, you have to learn to accept that yourself and let it go. Don't let her be rewarded for being nasty. If she asks her dad if she can go talk to him, that's one thing. But I would not be calling her and begging to take the day with dad. That's not how to teach her to resolve issues. I could see it being easier ot talk to just dad, and that's fine. But to reward her and let her have her way, nope, not a good thing at all.
She has to accept things as they are. And you are a part of her father's life. Period. She doesn't get to choose that. Or shoudln't be allowed to.